[GRE Argument] Recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewel

The following recommendation appeared in a memo from the mayor of the town of Hopewell.
"Two years ago, the nearby town of Ocean View built a new municipal golf course and resort hotel. During the past two years, tourism in Ocean View has increased, new businesses have opened there, and Ocean View's tax revenues have risen by 30 percent. Therefore, the best way to improve Hopewell's economy-and generate additional tax revenues-is to build a golf course and resort hotel similar to those in Ocean View."

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The author of this memo suggest that Hopewell town adopt similar strategy of Ocean View town by building a golf course and resort hotel to improve Hopewell's economy. This statement, however, were made based on several fallacious assumptions as well as committed false analogy.

To begin with, the author claimed that tourism in Ocean View increased after golf course and resort hotel were established. It is not clear, however, whether this establishment fully contributed to the increase of Ocean View visitor. For example, there might be other festivals which caused tourist visited Ocean View. To strengthen his/her argument, the author would benefit from presenting clear relationship between tourism increase and golf course and resort hotel establishment.

In addition, the author made an analogy between Ocean view and Hopewell, but is these two cities were similar? It is possible that Ocean View located near the ocean and so, building a resort hotel there was plausible. But is this action really implementable in Hopewell? For all we know, Hopewell could be surrounded by mountains, which caused building a resort hotel in Hopewell did not make any sense. In order to support his/her claim, the author should present better evidence whether Hopewell and Ocean View geographical condition is similar.

The author also stated that Ocean View's tax revenue has accreted for 30% during 2 years period, however the author did not present clearly in what scale is this 30% increase. This 30% increase would be significant if tax revenue rises from $1,000,000 to $1,300,000, whereas it could be less significant if it rises from $1,000 to $1,300. For all we know, Hopewell's tax income was already greater than Ocean View's. It would be better if the author could present actual numbers, rather than unrepresentative percentage.

In conclusion, the argument is not forceful enough to persuade the Hopewell town should build a golf course and a hotel resort to improve Hopewell's tax revenue. Before any final decisions are made, the author should make his/her argument more cogent and logical.

I can help assist you in correcting some minor issue with your essay. There are some missing words in the first paragraph which can confuse the reader. The word "the" should be before Hopewell and Ocean View. Also, "a" should be before similar. When you use the word "were" it is plural. Yet, the word statement is singular or just one statement. Therefore, were should be changed to "was". These are minor issues in grammar that you can correct in this paper.

In the first sentence of the second paragraph, you use the "were" again but describe the golf course and resort hotel. Since these are two different places, I would add -s to the end of course and hotel to make it plural. Also, add -s to the end of visitor. I think you could use another word besides festival that will closely relate to golf course and hotels. You could use the term "attractions" so that the topic will continue to be easy to understand. Make tourist plural and change visited to the present tense rather than the past. I'm unsure about the meaning of the last sentence.

In the third paragraph, you have to make sure you are using "are" rather than is, because you describe two places rather than one (i.e. Ocean view and Hopewell). Delete "were" in this question. I want to suggest a better way to ask this question. You could separate it from the sentence and ask the question. Place "is" before located. I'm confused by one sentence in this paragraph. Do you mean that the location where Hopewell was located was in an area that prevented such attractions from being built?

In the last paragraph, I'm unsure if you want to use accreted or accounted. I would change part of this sentence:"... two year period; however, the author did..." When you have two ideas you can use a semicolon or you could form a new sentence using "However". Also, you use "For all we know" a few times in the essay. I think by forming a question that begins with "What if" or "For example, what if... Do you mean rather than percentages?

The last paragraph delete should and change it to: "to".

Hi thanks for your comment, I really appreciate it =)

I'm confused by one sentence in this paragraph. Do you mean that the location where Hopewell was located was in an area that prevented such attractions from being built?

Indeed, maybe there is another way to say it?

In the last paragraph, I'm unsure if you want to use accreted or accounted.
I tried to use accreted, I think it will be better if I just use increase eh?