Common for people to get married and have children in their thirties rather than when they are young

Older newly-weds

Nowadays, more and more people would like to enjoy their married life and raising a family at the age of 30 rather than at their teenage time. In my view, I believe this trend has more negatives than positives on society.

To begin with, children on late marriages will be detrimental to the education of society. According to Biodemography and Social Biology Magazine, babies born to mothers in their 20s, more likely to be smarter, score higher on brain tests and do will than their peers born by mothers of their age 30 or 40 born. Those children cannot catch up with their friends, so this creates a distance in the same generation. Moreover, Children have to take care of themselves because their parents get old quickly. Therefore, those teenagers are not equipped with enough skills to become leaders.

In addition, the benefits of getting married late only belong to people who choose it not to the whole society. Those people have a long time to work, however, they spend their salaries to enjoy what they like. Unmarried people claim that they cannot bring back the youth so that they have to live to the fullest and are not ready for a serious relationship. As a consequence, this trend creates the population imbalance causing a shortage of labor resources.

All in all, although getting married at 30 ages has some benefits, I still believe that it has more negatives. We should be married at the age when we still healthy to bring a better life for children and also benefit for the future of a country.

In my opinion, you made many mistakes that you could totally have avoided. For example:
/babies born to (...) 30 or 40 born/ missing to be
/Those people have a .../ inappropriate transitional word
/... at their teenage time/ i dont think teeange could replace "young" in this context

Your second paragraph is a little bit more applicable to the prompt instructions when compared to your first reasoning paragraph. The reasoning in relation to children is not based on personal experience, knowledge, or observations. You are citing 2 different information sources for your reasoning support, which goes against the instructions for the topic discussion. You will lose points for improper discussion formatting since you are using cited and unverified information in your first discussion paragraph. Then, in your second reasoning paragraph, your line of thought is not very clear.

You need to remember, reasoning paragraph 1 must directly connect to the discussion in reasoning paragraph 2. When there is a lack of transition sentences and an unclear topic for discussion that can connect the 2 reasoning paragraphs, your essay will not score well in the coherence and cohesiveness section.

While you did understand the question being posed to a certain extent, the way that you discussed it needs work. Try to form clearer sentences. Do not focus on writing long sentences and paragraphs at this point. You are still incapable of doing that. Write only short simple sentences for now. It is better to be simple but clear than wordy and confusing to understand.