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Before I die i want to.... (doing what you want)



ekalamarsyari11 72 / 101  
Aug 25, 2016   #1
TED summary

Chandy Chang is one who cares about sharing in public spaces. She used simple method such as sticker, pencil, and chalk. She has conducted project that ask some question to society in the public spaces. For example she asked about how much my neighbour paid for flat, how we can share our memory and how we can share our care to others. Unfortunately, her mother suddenly passed away. She was shocked and could not believe it for a moment, but she struggled to preserve her passion. She thought a lot about death and the she changed her exterior wall of her house into a huge blackboard where everyone can write his desire before he died because it is a large board with fill the blank question, before I die I want to...

Citizens who live around her location wrote entirely in the chalkboard. Unexpectedly, it has improved her live now because what public people wrote down in this writing board has given her some enjoyable and amount of hope.

ichanpants89 16 / 742  
Aug 26, 2016   #2
Hi Eka, here's my help towards your TED summary.

- Chandy Chang is one of the people who cares...
- She has used simple methodtools/devices such as sticker, pencil, and chalk.
- She has conducted a project that requires her to ask some questionS to the society in the public spaces.
- For example, she asked about how much myher neighbour paid for staying in a flat, how wepeople can share our memorytheir memories and how wepeople can share our caretheir concerns to others.

- She thought a lot about death, and then she eventually changed her exterior wallwall exterior design of her house into (...) everyone can write histheir desires before theydieddie . because it is a large board with fill the blank question(unrelated)This huge blackboard has a fill-in-the-blank question that everyone can fill. It said "before I die I want to..."

Overall, my suggestion is that you need to pay more attention on how to connect sentences together in order to create a summary that has good coherence and cohesion. Avoid creating such complicated sentences if you are not really sure/mastered that type of sentence. Clarity is a must. This can help people easily read and understand your summary.

Hope this helps :)
hirani03 36 / 46  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
Hello ekalamarsyari11, this is corrections for your summary.

1. ... project that ask some questionquestions to society in the public spaces.
2. ... asked about how much myher neighbour paid for flat, how we they can share our memory and how wethey can share our ...
3. ....where everyone can write hisher desire before heshe died because it is a large ...
4. ... her live now because what public people redundancy because of double subject wrote down in this writing ...
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Aug 26, 2016   #4
Hi there..., here is my valuable feedback.

Chandy Chang is one who cares about sharing in public spaces.

Let me tell you that short sentences are always better than the long ones. It works concisely and is easy to understand.
Chandy Chang cares very much about sharing in public spaces

She used simple method such as sticker, pencil, and chalk.

Her method is familiar with sticker, pencil, and chalk

She has conducted project that ask some question to society in the public spaces.

She asks audience groups to fill in a detailed questionnaire to conduct her project.

For example she asked about how much my neighbour paid for flat, how we can share our memory and how we can share our care to others

The checklist will provide the groups with questions to ask about flat rent and to take a bit more care with others

It is not the grammar points, but the natural English language that you should consider. Some students rely too much on grammar, but nevertheless their sentences do not represent proper English. A heap of luck.

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