Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Government is a necessary evil - Can success be disastrous? - essay help



oeglairt 1 / 2  
Oct 30, 2010   #1
Undoubtedly, human ought to be success. In the process, they ought to overcome obstacles and failures which are keys to the way of success. Base on different notables, they have different opinions and thoughts about success. According to previous President of South Africa Nelson Mandela, "Money won't create success, the freedom to make it will." Basically, his perspective is freedom leads to success. On the contrary, success can be disastrous and lead to a menacing disaster.

Although a noble scientist, Galileo Galilei had been contributed a myriad to science and the human society, but still his success led to a calamity. In 1609, Galileo invented his own telescope to observe the heaven. A year later, he published his discoveries which he supported Copernicus's heliocentric theory. Inevitably, the Church was indignant at Galileo's attitude towards the solar system. Galileo was found guilty and forced to against Copernicus's theory in front of the public. Thus Galileo's happenings displayed that success can be disastrous.

On the other hand, an enlightened French Philosphe, Voltaire had been likewise unfortunate. Voltaire considered government to be a necessary evil with powers should be limited. Moreover, he believed that intolerance, superstition and ignorance were the factors that harmed man and society, supported the ideas of free speech and free press. Therefore, he went to jail twice for the work he had published. After his second jail term, Voltaire was exiled to England for more than two years. Thus Voltaire's happenings displayed that success can be disastrous.

In short, Galileo and Voltaire had been treated malevolently because of their success. Galileo was named the Father of Astronomy, not to mention Voltaire was considered as one of the important enlightenment thinkers. Once again, success can be bipolar, the aftermath can be disastrous.

----------------------------------------------------------------- ----- ------------------------

This is the first draft.
Please give me opinions and I know this is a terrible essay, anyways thank you!

em2always 15 / 78  
Oct 30, 2010   #2
Undoubtedly, human ought to be success.---a generalzation & change success to successful

your intro leaves a lot to be desired, i would start with the quote. ditch your opening sentences

-----------------
switch this

Although a noble scientist, Galileo Galilei had been contributed a myriad to science and the human society, but still his success led to a calamity

to this

Although Galileo Galilei contributed a myriad of knowledge to science and human society, his success led to calamity
-------------------------
get rid of the ending sentence to your second paragraph. you shouldnt have to sum yourself up. your words should be enough

----------------
enlightened French Philosphe Philosopher*

------------------

Basically, his perspective is freedom leads to success. In other words, freedom leads to success...don't use the word basically, sounds too teenish

fix your conusion, very weak, watch for parallelism & do basic editing. aso add sensory details, i read yur essay, but i didnt feel your essay


Home / Writing Feedback / Government is a necessary evil - Can success be disastrous? - essay help
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳