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Loyalty essay



stranger4ever 8 / 19  
Apr 9, 2010   #1
I have this essay as a homework for next week. Rate it please and tell me your opinion.

Loyalty

I have always heard about loyalty in movies, music, news, which means through in media. What is loyalty anyway? For me it is a word composed of seven letters, if my spelling was correct! Is it a noun, verb, adjective, or an adverb? Even though my grammar average is very good, I'm still confused what is it actually. Not because it is a hard question, but because I have ever been able to see it in real life!

Now back to my first question, what is loyalty? When I googled the meaning, I found out that it is mainly composed of trust, another word for it is allegiance. Can someone in these days trust anyone? In my opinion, it is really something hard to find someone to trust. Even your friends, sometimes it is better to keep your secrets to yourself. Never trust anyone. Readers may start to wonder why am I babbling too much about trust. Well, because without trust there is no loyalty! For example, in Julius Caesar (a play by William Shakespeare), Caesar and Cassius were best friends, and with friendship comes loyalty, right?! Well there was a third friend, his name was Brutus, and he knew that Caesar would be crowned a king. He thought that all the three of them are in equal in bravery and capability of becoming a king. So he started playing with Brutus mind, convincing him that he should be the king, by sending him written letters with different handwritings mentioning how bad Caesar is. So Cassius was convinced, and started to be against his best friend Caesar. What a loyal friend! But not all people are inelegance; we have to learn how to pick. For example, in The Merchant of Venice "another play by Shakespeare", there was man who lends some money from a guy, and that guy told him that if he didn't return the money back (after a certain number of days) he will take one Kg of his body meat. The days passed, and the man was not able to pay back the money. So the other guy took him to the court. A stranger man said that he will defend him, at the end; it appeared to be his wife who defended him.

Now, after reading both stories, I have learned that there are still good people in this world. The problem is that they about only makeup 6 percent of our community. But it is not a hopeless case! Guess we can find a loyal company. If we were lucky enough! And pray god to help us find a loyal person in our lives.

librarylover 2 / 9  
Apr 9, 2010   #2
Hi!

I would suggest working on your first paragraph some more. There should be atleast three middle sentences. The concluding sentence also seems out of place...unnecessary.

Check your spelling and grammar in the main body of the report, and try to organize it into three good paragraphs. Keep the purpose of your report clear.

Your concluding paragraph is only two sentences long!

One last thing: Are Hilary and Suzan characters from a book?

These are just some things I'm learning from my tenth grade English book about essays-I'm not sure what your teacher's instructions were. But don't give up. Keep working on it. Good luck! : )


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