Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 7


IELTS: should all offenders be sent to prisons? 'alternative punishment'



Yvonne_lulu 1 / 1  
Apr 29, 2014   #1
Some say all offenders should be sent to prison, other argue that there are better alternatives such as community work for those who commit minor crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

People have mixed views on how to punish the criminals to lower the crime rate.While some argue that the judge should impose prison sentences to all criminals,I personally disagree with the view and believe that those who commit petty crimes could be reformed in other ways.

On the one hand, criminals should be punished in some way and must learn that unlawful actions have negative consequences. It is undoubtable that prison sentences have a deterrent impact on society, which means it could prevent people from breaking the law, notably those who are contemplating an offense. They tend to abandon their plans due to the fear of losing the freedom, and being separated from their family and friends.However, in my view, it is needless that all the offenders should be condemned to imprisonment. For example, if a deprived child stole food for his family, the better way to reform him would be educated rather than imprisonment.

However , I believe that minor criminals deserve a chance to change themselves by providing social services, such as working for communities, instead of simply being put into prisons.It is widely acknowledged that criminals usually have difficulty in reintegrating into society and finding employment after being released from prisons,which means the lives of those minor criminals could be ruined by their wrongdoing.Therefore, it is more reasonable to rehabilitate them to be better citizens. Furthermore, other alternatives,such as offering community services, are regarded as a form of compensation to society,which could also benefit criminals as they could acquire personal skills and specific job skills.

In conclusion, although imprisonment is an effective method of deterring people from committing crimes, I think minor criminals should be given alternative punishment to make amends.

fikri 5 / 310  
Apr 29, 2014   #2
in IELTS TASK 2, you should show the difference of each paragraph clearly, so the readers will easier to know your points
Pahan 1 / 1824  
Apr 29, 2014   #3
People have mixed views on how to punish the criminals to lowerreduce the crime rate.While some argue that the judge should impose prison sentences should be given to all criminals,I personally disagree with the view and believe that those who commit petty crimes couldshould be reformed in other ways.

You follow a very good approach for your introduction :)
OP Yvonne_lulu 1 / 1  
Apr 29, 2014   #4
fikri,thank you ,I will make my opinions more clear in each paragraph.
Do you think add a topic sentence would be better?
fikri 5 / 310  
Apr 29, 2014   #5
yap,,it will be better, because it will help many readers to catch your points
tiaDS 73 / 222  
Apr 29, 2014   #6
Hello Yvonne_lulu,

1. I suggest you to give a space in every a new paragraph. Readers need more work to read your writing if your layout is without space. In IELTS, if you write your essay without space you will lose your point.

2. Introduction is the crucial part to attrack reades attention. So, you should give a statement expressing of your opinion very clear, you can follow approach given by pahan.
dumi 1 / 6793  
Apr 30, 2014   #7
You have very good writing skills. Improve on the essay structure as Pahan suggested to you because this task has a major bearing on time factor. You need to complete your essay having all relevant features in it within the the allocated time. So, practice with time following a particular structure during your practice sessions so that you would find much comfortable in completing this task efficiently at the exam.


Home / Writing Feedback / IELTS: should all offenders be sent to prisons? 'alternative punishment'
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳