The proportion of people who implemented physical activity on a regular basis in Australia

Physical activity among Australian people

The bar chart illustrates the proportion of people who implemented physical activity on a regular basis in Australia according to age-groups and gender in 2010.

Overall, the female group tended to take part in daily activity more frequently than the male group did except the age group 15-24.

Looking at details, as regards teenager group from 15-24 years old, the percentage of boy (52,8%) who did regular physical activity exceeded that of girl group (47.7%).

However, in terms of the 25-34 age group, compared to the proportion of male group at 42.2%, the proportion of female group transcended to 48.9% and then this figure continued to be superior. About 35-44 age group, the figure of female was 13% higher than that of male. Similarly, the percentages of women in 45-54 and 55-64 age group were considerably greater than those of men and the gaps were 10.2% and 7.9% respectively. Finally, in the 65 and over age-group, the discrepancy between the figure of man and women were quite marginal when the numbers were 46.7% and 47.1% respectively.

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The task 1 essay requires a 4 paragraph format that covers:

- Summary overview
- Data for group 1
- Data for group 2
- Comparison presentation

You thought you provided the required number of paragraphs simply because you separated each sentence for the summary overview in the presentation. Simply separating the sentences does not comprise a paragraph. A paragraph is comprised of 3-5 sentences containing required information. Your summary overview could have been viewed as better completed if you have simply combined all the stand alone sentences into a single paragraph presentation. It would not have been a perfect representation but,. it would have at least met the formatting requirement per paragraph.

Do not use singular references in this essay. Since there are age groups provided, that is group with an S, the presentation should be in the plural group form. Hence, it is boyS and girlS, not boy and girl.

Try to do more analysis of the data presentation next time. Write at least 3 paragraphs, 4 at the most. You will score better when you meet the formatting requirements. In this case. The paragraphs should have been:

Par. 1 - Summary overview with trending statement
Par. 2 - Boys measurement and comparison
Par. 3: Girls measurement and comparison
Par. 4: Similarities comparison between boys and girls.

Try to come up with a similar format with your next Task 1 essay. That should help you better represent the data report in the essay.

Thank @Holt, I appriciate your comment. I will apply this structure

It would have been better if you have written two separate body paragraphs, one for boys and the other for girls.