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IELTS: The relative electricity consumption; 'spa is more extravagant used'



Eva Novita Sari 47 / 67  
Apr 24, 2014   #1
The bar chart illustrates the relative electricity consumption and cost per year of various household devices.

Generally, there are several electricities in the household that have cost per year.

Firstly, the electricity is lower cost per year that is electric blanket, microwave oven, and television approximately 200 kilo watt hour per year with less than cost per year. However, people use tools household in their house such as dehumidifier, well pump, home computer, aquarium or terrarium, and dishwasher which are beginning to rise steadily less than 500 kilo watt hour per year with approximately less more $42 cost per year.

Secondly, other tools electricity have risen steadily which are consisting of electric cooking, freezer, water bed heater, clothes dryer, and washing machine that are more less approximately 1000 kilo watt hour per year with among $83 cost per year. By contrast, refrigerator, poop pump, and spa (pump and heater) are rising sharply approximately 1100, 1480, and 2250 kilo watt hour per year respectively which people should pay among less than $88, $123, $180 cost per year.

To sum up, it can be concluded that spa (pump and heater) is more extravagant used in the household than others. However, relative electricity consumption is normally between more less $83 cost per year with 1000 kilo watt hour per year.


  • electricity_consumpt.jpg


upinipin 32 / 48  
Apr 25, 2014   #2
Generally, there are several electricities in the household that have cost per year.

you can explain more in this paragraph
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Apr 25, 2014   #3
Sentence 1: electric cooking, freezer, water bed heater, clothes dryer, and washing machine that are more less approximately 1000 kilo watt hour per year with among $83 cost per year.

Sentence 2: refrigerator, poop pump, and spa (pump and heater) are rising sharply approximately 1100, 1480, and 2250
Sentence 3: people should pay among less than $88, $123, $180 cost per year.
The ideas of the sentences are not developed enough. Possible solution: specific statements (numbers, details) and sufficient amount of comparisons should be shown. Otherwise, you will have an average score.
fikri 5 / 310  
Apr 26, 2014   #4
Firstly, the electricity is lower cost per year that is electric blanket, microwave oven, and television approximately 200 kilo watt hour per year with less than cost per year.

I don't understand what do you mean here or what do you wan to deliver
eddies [Contributor] 25 / 1170  
Apr 27, 2014   #5
This is the third same feedback.
I DO hope this is the last comment I share as to show my serious consideration on your IELTS writing.

I see all your writing presented consists of a five paragraph essay. And to tell you the truth, this is not too good because the improvement on vocabulary sentence structure, tone, etc. as to build coherence and cohesion is closely loosed . Although many sample writings for the five ones coming from some corners of the world are confidently shown, this seems more likely to make beginner students hard to polish their sentence structure. Focus on the time given, not the lengthy report.

Have this link if you really really really need to earn a good score:


To sum up, it can be concluded that spa (pump and heater) is more extravagant used in the household than others. However, relative electricity consumption is normally between more less $83 cost per year with 1000 kilo watt hour per year.

An overview, not conclusion.


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