My intro of Hamlet essay - Why did so many characters die

Hamlet:
A Chain Reaction of Death

Why did so many characters die in the play of Hamlet? First, it was Polonius, then Ophelia, all the way to the death of Laertes and Hamlet, but what led to this domino effect of death? It started when Hamlet's father appeared as a ghost to let Hamlet know that Claudius killed him. As a result, Hamlet's main goal was to kill Claudius and avenge his father. Afterwards, Polonius, friend of Claudius, began to spy on Hamlet because of his strange behavior. As a consequence of his spying, Polonius was killed by Hamlet and thereupon starting a chain reaction. This essay will go into greater detail about the chain reaction describing what caused the death of many characters in Hamlet.

The bold part is the thesis
I'm in grade 12 if that makes a difference

hamlet hamlet...
is this a book report summary? analysis? depends what the assignment you have to do. if it's summary, then ok, you have a lot here. if it's supposed to be more analysis, this is WAY too much plot summary.

that thesis, it does show what you will talk about, but if you want a stronger one, maybe say what that cause of these deaths are..the spying/distrust/war/insecurities/etc...something that you can focus on more on. this will let you narrow down the essay and smooth it down.

if your first line was the question you're trying to answer, then less of these explanations in the intro, and more general discussion to lead into these as a thematic essay...

in the end, it all depends what type of essay you are going for