"The Lottery" and "Lord of the Flies" are similar - help developing my thesis

Is this thesis wrong or bad? My teacher said it 'needed to be developed', but I can't find anything wrong with it in terms of structure.

"The Lottery" and Lord of the Flies are similar in how fear plays a role in authoritarian power, how the black box and the beast both represent tradition, and how standards for what is considered civilization change in isolation.

"The Lottery" and Lord of the Flies are similar in how fear plays a role in authoritarian power, how the black box and the beast both represent tradition, and how standards for what is considered civilization change in isolation.

These words that I just highlighted are your flaws to your thesis. A thesis needs to be straight forward and that the reader knows the main idea of your whole essay. When you say "how", you have to incorporate the details of exactly HOW you're going to show the standards for what is considered civilization change in isolation. Be careful in using these words such as how, when, what, why and where, because these are the words that some people may fail to give more detail to the idea you're trying to convey.

Cheers,

Matthew.