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could u check my thesis; is it strong enough?



okuna 5 / 3  
Feb 20, 2007   #1
"'Terelj has a many great opportunities and such a beautiful place."""
Is it can be strong thesis?

Strong thesis statement? ('end of segregation during..')

About religions - Is this a strong thesis for my essay on my religions?

There are hundreds of similarities and differences between religions, but it is those differences that make them each unique and special.

The end of segregation during the mid-twentieth century would not have taken place without strong people, determination, and prayer.

EF_Team2 1 / 1703  
Feb 21, 2007   #2
Greetings!

A thesis statement should be more than a summary of your topic. Generally, a thesis statement takes a position on a subject that can be argued on either side. It is normally narrower than the very broad statement you made. It helps if your thesis statement presents an original idea that is persuasive.

Notice how adding specific details makes an opening more interesting than a a generic statement that could describe just any place:

"Despite the fragile environment, unrelenting mosquitoes and unpredictable weather,
the fascinating rock formations of Terelj make it the most worthwhile tourist destination in Mongolia."

Even though it's not a very controversial subject, one could take the opposite position and argue that Terelj is not the most worthwhile tourist destination -- so that statement does take a position which the rest of the paper could support.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
aznpoo 7 / 23  
Feb 21, 2007   #3
I don't even get what your thesis is about. No, it is not a strong thesis.

A thesis is what you stand for, your opinion. For example. "Through going to school everyday, we will receive a great career". Now prove this statement through ur body paragraphs.

"Terelj holds many jobs opportunities and a great tourist attraction" ~ even this is not a strong thesis.
Emberlyyn - / 1  
Feb 11, 2012   #4
i would have said:
Segregation in the mid-twentieth century wouldn't have ended without the help of Strong, Determined leaders and prayer.
bigben99 1 / 11  
Feb 11, 2012   #5
in my opinion,
without the help of our brave and courageous leaders such as Theodore Roosevelt with the aid of other protestants, segregation in the mid-twentieth century wouldn't have ended.
zumi78878 2 / 6  
Feb 11, 2012   #6
The end of segregation during the mid-twentieth century would not have taken place without strong people, determination, and prayer.

WIthout the great determination and prayers of the people and the eminent minds of strong leaders, the segregation during the mid-twentieth century would not have ended.
bigben99 1 / 11  
Feb 11, 2012   #7
hey Zumi78878 i like ur thesis
Michele1248 5 / 20  
Mar 24, 2012   #8
you should further expand the sentence possibly adding a sentence giving three examples


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