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Resource paper on violence and kids


Dec 5, 2006   #1
Please somebody help me! Writing isn't my best side and i have to write 600 words resource paper on "domestic violence and the effect on the children".I've wrote about 1/2 of it and i have nothing else to say more.please if somebody can help me I would appreciate it.Thanks

Here is the essay:

VIOLENCE AND KIDS

Kids are like sponges - they want to talk, dress, and act like their parents. And eventually they will also pick up their good and bad habits. The chances of becoming an aggressive person are great when you live in violent ambiance (work cited).

Even in their early ages kids see and hear everything between their parents, but kids may not distinguish what's right and what's wrong and think that this is something they should do when grow-up. A lot of today's teenagers living in violent families show signs of violence such as starting fights in school, substance abuse, joining gangs, and robberies .They could also experience academic problems, low self-esteem, fear, depression, phobias, etc... or sexual problems and criminal behavior (Newton).

But everybody is different; we can't say 100% that kids will become violent. Many traumatized kids seek the help of their friends or specialist. A lot of them swear that they would never allow such behavior in their houses one day.

An example of such heartbreaking story is Curtis Jackson or also knows as 50 Cent. 50 Cent lived without his father and was going back and forth from his mother's house to his grandparent's house. His mom was a drug dealer. After her death, at age of 13, 50 Cent took over her place. He was the leader of small group dealing with drugs. One night he got shot nine times. He survived after a year of rehabilitating in the hospital. Now 50 Cent is of the most notorious rap starts in the world (50cent.com). This is an example of how parents' behavior could affect the life of a child. In his case no parents were present after his mom died.

Works Cited

Greetings!

You're off to a good start with your essay! You have stated your case and given one example. Other examples would help reinforce your point (and make your paper longer, of course!). And then you could write a conclusion paragraph to sum it all up.

I'll be glad to help get you started with proofreading. Let's take it line by line:

"Even in their early ages kids see and hear everything between their parents, but kids may not distinguish what's right and what's wrong and think that this is something they should do when grow-up."

It would be a good idea to state what you are referring to when you say "this." Maybe, ". . . think that arguing is something . . . " Also, I would start the sentence with, "Even at an early age, kids see . . . "

"A lot of today's teenagers living in violent families show signs of violence such as starting fights in school, substance abuse, joining gangs, and robberies ."

You need a comma after "violence." I think that extra space before the period is a typo, right? Also, it would be better to say ". . . and commiting robberies" at the end of the sentence.

"But everybody is different; we can't say 100% that kids will become violent."

I would switch this around a little: ". . . we can't say that 100% of these kids will become violent."

"Many traumatized kids seek the help of their friends or specialist."

Insert "a" before "specialist."

"An example of such heartbreaking story is Curtis Jackson or also knows as 50 Cent."

I would insert "one" before "such." I think you meant the last part to be something like, ". . . Jackson, also known as . . . "

"50 Cent lived without his father and was going back and forth from his mother's house to his grandparent's house."

The only problem here is that you're not supposed to start a sentence with a numeral. You could substitute "This popular rap star" (or "musician" or "hip hop artist") for his name. That way you also make it clear to the reader who he is and why his story is important to young people.

"After her death, at age of 13, 50 Cent took over her place."

This would be more clear if you said, "She died when 50 Cent was thirteen, and he took over her place in the family."

"He survived after a year of rehabilitating in the hospital."

"Rehabilitation" might be better than "rehabilitating."

"Now 50 Cent is of the most notorious rap starts in the world (50cent.com)."

I think you meant to say "one of the most" and "stars" rather than "starts."

"This is an example of how parents' behavior could affect the life of a child. In his case no parents were present after his mom died."

I don't think the second sentence is necessary, since you already made that point when you told his story. As for the first sentence, I would replace it with a statement that ties it to your next example: "Too many children experience the kind of childhood that 50 Cent had. Another example is the story of . . . " You may already have heard about other famous people who overcame childhood trauma; if not, you could Google your topic.

I hope this helps you with writing the rest of your essay. Keep up the good work!

Sarah, EssayForum.com
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