"anxious about lending my contribution to society" - Physician Assistant Essay

Hello, my name is matthew and I am currently applying to PA school and would like some productive comments to my essay.

thanks,
matthew

The Admissions Committee is interested in your reasons for entering this field and in your ability to express the motivation behind your decision. Explain below the unique factors and experiences that led you to this profession. If you are already certified or licensed in a health professions field, explain why you wish to continue your education.

above is what I have to answer and since my original post I have revised it.

Revision: Upon graduating from high school my journey began at Georgia Southern University, where I decided to major in something that would tie my love for sports, medical field, and helping others into one. Therefore, I received a Bachelor of Kinesiology with a major in Exercise Science. Shortly after graduation, I worked as an Exercise Specialist for the YMCA where I set up exercise plans for clients. Though, it was considerably sports related and I was indeed helping others, it just was not quite fulfilling for me. My path led me away from the medical field as a whole and placed me in retail, which really fine-tuned my customer service skills. Good customer service correlates with providing exemplary patient care and being able to sympathize with the patient. On the contrary, getting back into the medical field was where my heart was.

My next path was Stephen W. Brown School of Radiography where I excelled as a student and class leader. As a result of my clinical performance I was awarded two scholarships. My physical, educational and clinical growth over the years allowed me to become more responsible and mature. Upon graduating from Brown, I began working at Augusta Vascular Center which is exciting because no two days or patients are the same. We perform a multitude of different procedures which allow us to improve the quality of life for the patients.

My Exercise Science degree, certificate in Radiography, and my training at Augusta Vascular Center were all invaluable experiences. Each allowed me the opportunity to grow as a health care professional and gain a wealth of knowledge and experience. I was able to encounter a diverse group of people. Thus, enabling me to apply critical thinking skills to administer the best treatment and patient care possible. My experiences, interest in the medical field, along with my desire to improve the quality of life of others, are some of the factors that inspire me to become a physician assistant. Becoming a physician assistant would allow me to administer more formal and direct patient care. With the increasing number of patients seen by physicians, as a physician assistant I will be able to assist with assessments and aid in devising the appropriate plan of care for the patient. A physician assistant incorporates a personal relationship with patients, accompanied by a desire to learn and be part of a team. I truly have that desire to learn. Also a good health care provider has compassion for their patients and a demeanor that exhibits that, which are instilled in me. Another driving force to becoming a physician assistant comes from my desire to give back to the community, especially the youth. I want to be a positive role model and express that no matter what the obstacles are, they can be overcome with hard work and dedication. Lastly, I feel that a physician assistant is an asset to todays society and I am anxious about lending my contribution to society as a successful physician assistant.

Your heading in the right direction. Your second essay is better than your first.

How about something simpler:

I have always loved to help others, especially if that help involves health and wellness. Because I am a competitive person, I excelled as an athlete in high school in (sport) and found that I loved helping other members of the team become better athletes through weight training and nutrition. It was an natural choice for me to major in Kinesiology with an emphasis on Exercise Science at Georgia State University. My plan was to become a personal trainer and open my own gym.

When I graduated, I worked at the YMCA and found that I really enjoyed helping people set and achieve their fitness goals. Because I needed to increase the number of hours that I was working, I took a job in retail (if it was health related, like GNC, or something, I would include that.) The experience in retail helped me polish my service skills, but I always had in the back of my mind that I would get back into the medical field.

After being accepted to the Stephen A Brown School of Radiography, I earned two scholarships based on my clinical work and campus leadership. I excelled academically and love the work that I am doing as a radiographer at Augusta Vascular Center. I have learned a lot from the physicians, nurses, and PAs that work with. One of my mentors, (name of person), got me thinking about my ultimate goals in the medical field and encouraged me to apply to become a PA because I have the aptitude, bedside manner, and ambition to help more people maintain and improve their health.

Good luck, bro.

Eric

I argue that you can express the same ideas with fewer words. At the beginning of the essay, you should be efficient and clear. This sentence ... doesn't have as much power and intrigue as it could have. Can you precede this with a short sentence about an interesting concept?

It seems that you are a serious, motivated scholar, but the essay does not pack a very powerful punch. What is the unifying concept, the concept that drives your aspiration.

What is the word or phrase that captures the meaning you are giving your professional life?

:-)

thank you