'My best effort in completing a four-month internship opportunity' - SoP for MSc

Hi all,

Please give me some advice and help review my sop.

I graduated from financial major and have over a year of experience in IT consultancy.Now I am applying for MSc Information Systems & Management .I wonder that my SOP should decribe my academic background or not.

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Here is my sop

MSc Information Systems & Management

My best effort in completing a four-month internship opportunity with xxxx , a leading software company, turned out to be one of my greatest accomplishments. Fresh out of college, after months of rigorous trainings, plans execution, and final project assessment before the company's board of directors, I was among the few to be offered a full-time position working mainly with SAP integration consultant to outside enterprises. In order to fulfill my career ambition of becoming a software consultant, I realize after gaining an experience in this area the need to pursue a higher study program in the field of information management, with the emphasis on business systems integration and consultancy.

As an active member of the team, I take responsibility for full range of management functions. I am very satisfied with my career since I know I have contributed to the development of innovative administrative tools to expedite operation process. For the past year, I have successfully led a project to tailor a computer module to fit the requirements from our existing customer. Going through some complicated adjustment at first launch, the pilot program I have implemented was soon proven to be very efficient in reducing errors in the client's database. With these tasks I have worked on, one important element of a successful project is teamwork. I learned to take up leadership responsibility when circumstances allow and, at the same time, efficiently follow instructions from a supervisor, or even other team members.

Moreover, to keep up with the economic reality, I have to extensively research on the ever-changing status and trends of global management. As time passes, I found that setting up effective information management requires strategies that include complex and well-thought-out plans. Today, most software consultant companies state that their goal is to offer the industry's most comprehensive portfolio of business performance and optimization solutions for companies of all sizes. I need to earn more knowledge in order to further align my expertise with the goal of the company I work for in providing large enterprise customers with the ability to interact with a corporate database in real-time.

I strongly believe that knowledge and global perspective on information technology I would gain from XXXX's course would be a great indicator of my success. The program will absolutely sharpen my knowledge in the field and allow me to become the most efficient leader in any setting. Also, the success of several alumni has inspired me to wanting to be part of this efficient academic environment. Lastly, I am confident that my past academic endeavor and career responsibility have prepared me well to take on the intense study and research plans for a master's degree study.

Yes, it should, but remember your purpose in writing it. This is to tell them about your purpose, your grand plan and how the school fits into it.

I think you write very clearly and skillfully. this is very good -- and you seem sincere in your expression of interest. This last sentence of the first paragraph is a little complex, though, so maybe we can do this:

I realize after gaining some experience in the field that, in order to fulfill my career ambition of becoming a software consultant, I realize after gaining an experience in this area I need to pursue a higher study program in the field of information management, with the emphasis on business systems integration and consultancy.

I am excited for you! Consulting work provides a great way to live, and systems knowledge is an important thing these days.

Here are my thoughts about the generalizations, though:

I strongly believe that knowledge and global perspective on information technology I would gain from XXXX's course would be a great indicator of my success. The program will absolutely sharpen my knowledge in the field and allow me to become----all of this is fluff. It does not really say anything. You should replace the fluff with sentences that indicate specific experiences available through the school's program and specific areas you want to master in order to be the professional you want to be. Name specific parts of your well-developed plan.

EXAMPLE: Rather than referring generally to a global perspective, discuss classes you will take about international diversification and cultural barriers, etc.

It's hard for me to give good examples, because I know so little about systems and software. :-)

Thank you so much for your suggestion.