I am applying to a variety of grad programs for bioinformatics, some certificate programs, some masters. Here is the first draft of my personal statement if someone would be willing to edit it?
"Bioinformatics - the science of tomorrow", was the name of a seminar that I attended during my senior year of college. I had never heard of bioinformatics, but as I listened my curiosity was piqued. After graduation I started a job working as a Biorepository research specialist at ProMedica Toledo Hospital. Here, I discovered the future career potential in pursuing further education and training in the field of bioinformatics. Therefore, I am applying to the program of bioinformatics, hoping to receive my master degree in this field.
At my job in the Biorepository, we identify patients with different types of cancers or diseases and procure tissue specimens from their surgeries. We then work to distribute these specimens to researchers in the appropriate fields. Before sending these out, we do extensive data collection to provide as much information as possible. It is here that I think a background in bioinformatics could be extremely useful. As the biorepository I am employed by grows and expands, we hope to branch out to identifying and testing for biomarkers in the tissues that we procure. Furthermore, we look at large data sets of information, and having knowledge about computer programs and methods that could potentially help to streamline these processes would be incredibly beneficial.
Having received a Bachelor's degree in Biology, I have a solid background in the field. I participated in one year of research at a local children's hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio, where I gained experience in a multitude of lab processes and skills such as DNA extraction, cloning, cell culture, PCR, etc. I also took a senior capstone class my final year in college during which we delved into a multitude of high level research theses which challenged me to become better adept at analyzing and understanding these ideas, as well as writing a review paper of my own and defending it to the class.
Upon graduation, I hope to continue on at my current job, helping to expand and grow our biorepository. In the long term, I would like to find a career as a data scientist, possibly for a company such as the New York Genome Center. I enjoy the flexibility that a degree like this would offer. There are so many opportunities in this developing field, and it is possible to find a position that focuses more heavily on the science than the computer science or vice versa. I like the versatility and multitude of options available to me.
While I have learned a lot about the biological sciences, I realize that my academic record is not the best reflection of this. I have always had a great love and fascination for science, and I could never picture myself studying something else. Unfortunately, you do not always excel at what you love. I quickly learned as I began college that I struggle with tests in multiple choice format. I also found that I excelled in classes that were hands-on laboratory classes as well as those classes outside of the science discipline, receiving high marks for those classes. Additionally, I transferred schools halfway through my undergraduate education, but I was determined to graduate on time. As a result, I was forced to take multiple upper-level classes at once. While my grades were not what I would have hoped, I feel strongly that I understood all of what I was taught, regardless of what the exam results showed. I do not see this as a bad thing, but as a motivator to improve as I continue on with my education.
Paragraph about why this specific school (different for each program).
Hi Tessa, well I can certainly see why you would have an interest in Bioinformatics based upon your academic and professional background. Your job at the biorepository is right on target with your desire to pursue these master classes in bioinformatics. I have a few pointers though that I believe can help you improve your personal statement. Let me address the specific paragraphs alright? Thanks.
Par. 2:
You can cut down on the content of this paragraph. There is no need for you to explain what you do at the biorepository, the reviewer already knows how the lab functions and what procedures are entailed in it. Never, ever lecture the reviewer about information that he is already familiar with. Instead, start the paragraph by saying something like :"It is because of my work at a biorepository that my interest in bioinformatics was awakened. I really think that advancing my knowledge in bioinformatics will prove to be useful. As the biorepository I am employed by grows and expands, we hope to branch out to identifying and testing for biomarkers in the tissues that we procure. Furthermore, we look at large data sets of information, and having knowledge about computer programs and methods that could potentially help to streamline these processes would be incredibly beneficial. " You can then explain how this vision is what led you to the doors of masters degree school specializing in Bioinformatics.
Paragraphs 3-4 are on target so far. You may need to adjust those paragraphs depending upon the kind of prompt that you will be responding to so prepare to do that whenever necessary. Remember, the contents of your personal statement will also depend upon the dictates of the university. So this personal statement that you are developing is nothing more than the jump off point for those other essays.
With regards to paragraph 5 though, I would prefer that you delete that portion. You see, as a masters degree student, the reviewer will not be interested in your college level academic weaknesses. What concerns him more is why you are interested in bioinformatics and what you can offer in terms of advancing the abilities of those practicing this particular field. Your college level shortcomings do not have any bearing on your masters degree studies. It does not reflect the kind of professional you are today. Those failures are moot and academic at this point. Rather, you should concentrate on portraying the professional reasons that you wish to pursue this course. Call it a course in job enhancement or something.
I mean seriously, even if you decide to keep that part about your failures as a student, don't you think it would have an adverse effect on your application? If you are already telling the reviewer that you have failed before but you still want to work in this field, all you will do is make him think twice about your abilities with regards to completing the course. So let's not do that. Let's just make it seem like it would be their loss if they don't admit you into their university :-)
Believe me when I say that I am very excited to help you with enhancing this statement to make your application stand out. However, we first need to fix the content of the essay before we can move on to other parts of the essay. So let's fix these issues as I see them, give yourself a chance to revise the paper, add information to the paper if need be, and then we can work on editing it into the final form. Will that be alright with you? I really do hope that you consider my suggestions.
Those were very good points. Thanks for the help! Here is my revision. I removed that 5th paragraph and added a sentence or two about some work accomplishments.
"Bioinformatics - the science of tomorrow", was the name of a seminar that I attended during my senior year of college. I had never heard of bioinformatics, but as I listened my curiosity was piqued. After graduation I started a job working as a Biorepository research specialist at ProMedica Toledo Hospital. Here, I discovered the future career potential in pursuing further education and training in the field of bioinformatics. Therefore, I am applying to the program of bioinformatics, hoping to receive my master degree in this field.
It is because of my work at a Biorepository that my interest in bioinformatics was aroused. I really think that expanding my knowledge in bioinformatics would be incredibly beneficial. As the biorepository I am employed by grows and expands, we hope to branch out to identifying and testing for biomarkers in the tissues that we procure. Furthermore, we look at large data sets of information, and having knowledge about computer programs and methods that could potentially help to streamline these processes would be extremely advantageous.
Having received a Bachelor's degree in Biology, I have a solid background in the field. I participated in one year of research at a local children's hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio, where I gained experience in a multitude of lab processes and skills such as DNA extraction, cloning, cell culture, PCR, etc. I also took a senior capstone class my final year in college during which we delved into a multitude of high level research theses which challenged me to become better adept at analyzing and understanding these ideas, as well as writing a review paper of my own and defending it to the class. I also hold a certification for human research, and have participated in writing several policies and procedures for the Biorepository.
Upon graduation, I hope to continue on at my current job, helping to expand and grow our Biorepository. In the long term, I would like to find a career as a data scientist, possibly for a company such as the New York Genome Center. I enjoy the flexibility that a degree like this would offer. There are so many opportunities in this developing field, and it is possible to find a position that focuses more heavily on the science than the computer science or vice versa. I like the versatility and multitude of options available to me.
Hi Tessa, well that was fast :-) I really think your revision made the essay almost perfect. I was hard pressed to find something wrong with it so I had to approach it from a reviewer's point of view. Of course reading your essay with a more critical eye led me to find just one part of the essay that we can still further improve. That is, if you will be agreeable to it :-)
Let me refer you to paragraph 3 of your revised essay. Specifically the portion about your senior capstone class. I am not sure that it adds anything impressive to the personal statement. As far as I am concerned, it seems to be disconnected from the rest of the paragraph. The part that I think should be highlighted in that portion is the part about your certification in human research and your policy and procedure papers for the repository. If you can discuss the content of the papers and give the reviewer some background on your human research certification, I believe that you will be able to include information about yourself as a professional that will help your paper stand out from the rest.
I'd also like to point out that at this point, your essay seems to be open ended. It seems like the last paragraph is not really the last paragraph. Is that because you want to tailor fit the final paragraph to the university you are applying to? Just for the heck of it, I think you should try to come up with a general concluding paragraph as a place holder for your final thoughts. If you have some ideas there for a final paragraph, it can help you develop that part of the essay whenever you need to. At least you won't have to start from scratch :-)
That last paragraph is pretty shaky, just a quick jotting down of my current thought process, any feedback would be helpful! I did intend to insert a final paragraph about why I wanted to be in each specific program. As far as grammar/proofreading goes...do it look okay?
"Bioinformatics - the science of tomorrow", was the name of a seminar that I attended during my senior year of college. I had never heard of bioinformatics, but as I listened my curiosity was piqued. After graduation I started a job working as a Biorepository research specialist at ProMedica Toledo Hospital. Here, I discovered the future career potential in pursuing further education and training in the field of bioinformatics. Therefore, I am applying to the program of bioinformatics, hoping to receive my master degree in this field.
It is because of my work at a Biorepository that my interest in bioinformatics was aroused. I really think that expanding my knowledge in bioinformatics would be incredibly beneficial. As the biorepository I am employed by grows and expands, we hope to branch out to identifying and testing for biomarkers in the tissues that we procure. Furthermore, we look at large data sets of information, and having knowledge about computer programs and methods that could potentially help to streamline these processes would be extremely advantageous.
Having received a Bachelor's degree in Biology, I have a solid background in the field. I participated in one year of research at a local children's hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio, where I gained experience in a multitude of lab processes and skills such as DNA extraction, cloning, cell culture, PCR, etc. I also hold a certification for human research, which acknowledges my understanding of clinical research, the use of Institutional Review Board, and FDA and HIPAA-regulated research. Additionally, I have participated in writing several policies and procedures for my work. Some of these include documenting laboratory processes, as well as process improvements for streamlining our currently used policies and procedures.
Upon graduation, I hope to continue on at my current job, helping to expand and grow our biorepository. In the long term, I would like to find a career as a data scientist, possibly for a company such as the New York Genome Center. I enjoy the flexibility that a degree like this would offer. There are so many opportunities in this developing field, and it is possible to find a position that focuses more heavily on the science than the computer science or vice versa. I like the versatility and multitude of options available to me.
I hope to be challenged and excel during my time at [University] if accepted. I would enter [program name] with on-the-job experience that I could use to more easily perform in my classes. I believe that I would make an excellent candidate for your program due to my academic history as well as my work experience in a field that directly relates to the field of bioinformatics.
Tessa, I spotted just a few grammar points that need correcting and maybe an additional sentence here and there to strengthen the essay. While the last paragraph does seem shaky, it should be since it is only a place holder. That will become more stable as you use the information with each college you apply to. It's a pretty solid essay at this point.
Par. 1:
* You can omit the last line discussing why you are applying to the program. That is already known to the reviewer. Self explanatory so to speak. It does not need to be pointed out. You can go into more details about that desire when you write your statement of purpose.
Par. 2:
my work at a B biorepository that my interest in b Bioinformatics - Always capitalize the title of the course.
my knowledge in b Bioinformatics
* Towards the end of the paragraph, try to explain how you see yourself participating in the Bioinformatics field during your employment. Present a real world use for your degree in order to prove the need for your additional training and studies.
Par. 3:
DNA extraction, cloning, cell culture, PCR, etc. to name a few.
Par. 4:
I would like to find a career progress in my career path and eventually become as a data scientist,
Hi Tessa, I hope to help correct grammar enhancements in your essay, here it is;
- was the namefocus of a seminar
- I am applying tofor the program of bioinformatics,
- hoping to receive my masters degree in this field.
- As the biorepository I am employed by grows and expands,
- we look at large data sets of data and information,
- and having a knowledge
- I participated in onea year of research
- Upon graduation, I hope to continue on at my current job,
- In the long termrun ,
- and it is possible to find a position that focuses more heavily
- on the science than the
- that I could use to more easily to perform in my classes.
- candidate forto your program duewithto my academic
There you have it Tessa, I focused heavily o your grammar as this is were I saw the needed enhancement. I hope it helped.
