Epidemiology of chronic and infectious diseases - paragraph from my Public Health Personal Statment

Hi Everyone! I am applying for an MPH and I was wondering if someone in the same field could edit a paragraph in my statement. This is the most important paragraph, because it contains my research interests and goals, but for some reason I just can't get it to sound right.

"Throughout my work in the health sector, I consistently questioned the epidemiology of chronic and infectious diseases. I am excited by the prospect of completing a practicum to conduct research in communicable disease surveillance and outbreak control, or non-communicable disease prevention. In addition, I am interested in studying why some people are more susceptible to disease than others, even when exposed to the same environmental triggers, such as smoking and infectious agents. I aim to identify risk factors that predispose an individual to ill health. Some factors that I am interested in studying are: socioeconomic status, immigration, and nutrition."

Hi Sam, here is my suggested improvement for your paragraph. I hope it helps :-)

Some people may ask what kind of satisfaction I get from working in the health sector. My answer is always that I gain answers to my questions about the epidemiology of chronic and infectious diseases. It is through the studies and research in this field that I will be able to conduct research and surveillance in the field communicable diseases and outbreak control, including communicable disease prevention. Through this research in intend to uncover the facts behind why some people are more susceptible to disease than others even when they exposed to the same environmental conditions and infectious agents. What are the factors that predispose people to certain illnesses? Does it have anything to do with their socio-economic status, immigration, or nutrition? I am looking forward to bringing those answers and more to light.