I'm looking forward to apply for the online masters in data science - SOP essay

Hello everyone,
i am looking forward to apply for the online masters in data science . I would be very thankful if anyone of you consider to evaluate my statement of purpose.

Statement Of purpose for the Masters In Data Science

Understanding of the Data around us generated by the actions of humans and machines have certainly revolutionized the way companies and professionals conduct business. The Data statistics, probability combined with computer science and analytical models go beyond the traditional way to look into answering the most complex business and technical questions of any team in the organization. My purpose for a graduate study in data science is to have a formal way for learning the modern techniques used in today's world and extend my abilities to research and improvise solutions for such complex problems in the field. In addition, living around Silicon Valley I am intrigued looking at how data science has been the back bone for several path breaking products that major companies and startups developed through analytics or Artificial Intelligence.

I started my professional career, working for a Sales and marketing analysis-based Life sciences giant whose expertise would be collecting patient, doctor and health industry related data and generate insights for pharma industries. One of the several programs was to categorize patient therapy and derive link between patient therapy, prescribing health and pharma institutions within a given area for the client system to handle multiple supplier's data and also create multiple reports to show the business analysts the current trends and allowing them to take further decisions. This was one of the projects as a programmer which really got me excited into the data engineering field by giving me a glimpse of how then data architects, data analysts and other subject matter experts were coming together to handle big data , turning into customized meaningful reports and thus helping to shape the company's clients and in turn the pharma industry.

The same excitement continues until today as I am working with a banking and financial institution client whose primary focus is Internet Authentication and Fraud Prevention. My role was that of an architect and delivery lead for building online customer and account profiles for the Fraud prevention framework, which in turn, utilizes machine learning to generate alert reports adhering to customized policy rules generated for fraudulent transactions. The project gave me an opportunity to be in the front seat for building enterprise level repository for both historical and real time changes by leveraging technology at its best to have 90 million online customer profile data of the bank available for the platform.

I truly believe that my professional experience in the data engineering will help my aspirations to take a step ahead and enter the field of data science, allowing me to expand my horizons in my career path. My strong belief that, strong inputs of data scientists is always behind any kind of successful analytics based or artificial intelligence-based products, has motivated me to have a study in this field. The MIDS curriculum at the University of California, Berkeley is a perfect fit for me because of

·the suitable way of course distribution across terms,
·impressive background of the mentors/course designers (as I noticed it from the videos in the academics section), and
·Also that the course is being taught online which perfectly suits me as I can complete while I am also doing my primary job.

I am completely convinced of my ability to succeed at the MIDS program at the university of California Berkeley , and that I have an enthusiastic desire to learn more about data science and its branches in much detail . I hope that my qualifications and my experience are found suitable for admitting me to earn a master's degree in Data Science at the Berkeley university.

The structure of the essay is messy. The arrangement of the thoughts is quite inconclusive because there is seemingly no direction when it comes to the starting and ending points of each individual paragraph. To resolve this, you should try to either decide if you seek for the essay to follow through either inductive or deductive patterns when it comes to the overall structure. Doing this can help you differentiate and create a viable format that is easier to understand for the readers.

What I would suggest is try to start with a historical timeline of your career options or your passion for the field. If you can discuss why you have begun to be interested in this path, you will be able to proceed to discuss more of the technical reasons as to how this program will be in line with your long-term goals.

Try to also utilize more academic language and tone as you are writing. Doing this can create a more formal approach when it comes to your application - a detail that is surely appreciated by evaluators.

When you're struggling to create your sentences, make sure that you try to always use simpler structures. Doing this will help your essay evade fundamental problems to be avoid miscommunication - or a failure of relaying the right information.

You should also be wary of your capitalization as you have a tendency to place this in areas that do not need it (ie. in your third to the last paragraph, fraud does not have to be capitalized unless you are referring to the Internet Authentication and Fraud Prevention program).