HI,
I am applying for a second time to the MSW program. I my goal is to have a stronger application than before and would like your feedback on my SOP. These are the application questions along with the essay.
The faculty wants to know about you. Where do you work now? What are your career goals? Why do you want to be a Master's level taught Social Worker?
ˇ What are you currently doing to reach your professional goals? Reflect on your life experience and explain what has led you to this point.
ˇ Who is the specific population that you desire to impact (specialization)? Tell us about your community and how you can impact it as a Masters level taught Social Worker
ˇ Tell the faculty the story behind your passion for Social Work. What is your driving force to succeed?
ˇ For those with negative academic records- Please gives the faculty background on why this negative outcome occurred and explain how things will be different in Graduate school.
Quality Tips
ˇ Please check your work for grammar and spelling. Read it aloud. Have a colleague or friend read your work. It is always great to have a second set of eyes for review.
ˇ Understand the term social justice and your role in the community as a social worker.
ˇ Be clear, concise and direct in your delivery. Make sure that you're only speaking to the Social Work career path.
ˇ Do not overstate personal information. Be able to maintain relevance to the application and the goal that you are seeking. Keep it professional.
SOP
[...]
For quite sometime, I had always wondered what my "gift" was and what my purpose was in this world. Throughout my life, I have always had great compassion and empathy for individuals who were less fortunate, going through personal problems or just in need of someone to listen to them. Looking back on my life and speaking to friends, family members, or just random people there was always a common theme, helping. I knew then I had the gift of helping others.
At the age of 15, I experienced the most traumatic experience of my life. I was diagnosed with cancer. It was a form of cancer that resulted in a partial mastectomy, which had a major effect on my life. My first reaction was that of emptiness. I felt nothing and went on living most of my life with a sense of loneliness, because I never allowed myself to grieve or ask for help. As time went by, that same hurt became a relief for those who asked me for help. It was because I was able to relate that I began to heal and forget my trauma.
It's important to weed out the unnecessary words. Take out as many as you can : )
For quite sometime, I had always wondered what my "gift" was and what my purpose was in this world. Throughout my life,
I have always had great compassion and empathy for individuals who were are less fortunate, going through personal problems or just in need of someone to listen to them. Looking back on my life and speaking to friends, family members, or just random people there was always a common theme, helping. I knew... of helping others. [ Right here, add a colorful sentence to add more interest to the main idea of the essay]
At the age of 15, I experienced the most traumatic experience of my life. --------For efficiency, change this sentence:
I tackled the most traumatic experience of my life... -----I use tackle because it is active and interesting, and it is something YOU do rather than something happening to you.
You write very well!! I like this sentence: With the interest of becoming a social worker in ...
The quote at the end is great. The substance of this is great. I just think you should work to eliminate as many unnecessary words as possible and also work on the introduction to make the main message of the essay clearer. Add a sentence about how specifically you can use social work as the professional field for helping others, and get specific about how you will help them. Refine those sentences in the first paragraph, the most important paragraph.
Betsy, you have the essay written in reverse order. That is why the hook is missing at the beginning of your essay. My suggestion is to strengthen your first paragraph by giving us your closing paragraph instead. The part that reads
"Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life".
.
From there, you begin to answer the prompts in chronological order which, as far as I can tell, will help bring a sense of order and smooth transitions to your paragraphs. Remember that there is a particular order in which you write an SOP for masters studies. Normally, you start with your most current work experience, working your way back to the first and then explaining your desire to attend masters studies. Now, since you did not graduate with a degree in social work, you need to develop your extra curricular activities relating to the field in a stronger sense in order to prove that you can handle the demands of the course even though you do not have the background for it. The main reason that your application becomes weak, is because you do not have the strong foundation that the studies require. You do not even have prerequisite courses in your transcript of records to show that you have a background in social work. Hence the difficulty in your application.
You graduated from a very different major in college. As for your negative grades. It is good that you were able to present an explanation for it. However, you did not own up to your shortcoming. Instead, you blamed the failure on something else. Own that failure, show them that you take responsibility for your actions. Remember, as a social worker, you will handle far worse cases so you need to prove that you are mentally, emotionally, physically, and socially capable of handling the demands of the course and the actual job.
The essay needs to be revised for theme and prompt adherence at this point. Once you have done that, and the essay finally behaves the way the prompt requires it to, corrections to your grammar issues can finally be applied. There are a number of words that needs to be replaced or deleted in order to make the sentences behave or make more sense. There is no sense in doing those corrections at this point as there is a strong need to replace the content of the essay and as such, asking you to correct the grammar errors at this point would be a waste of time. That process can be saved for the last part :-)
I tackled the most traumatic experience of my life
I truly appreciate your feedback and help. I tend to over explain myself and not get to the point. I have taken your feedback and made corrections.
In the words of Confucius, "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life". For this very reason, I see myself in the social work field.
I have great compassion and empathy for individuals who are less fortunate, going through personal problems or in need of someone to listen. Looking back on my life and speaking to friends, family members, or just random people there was always a common theme, helping. I knew then I had the gift of helping others. It turned into a passion that I vowed to fulfill in anything that I do, it is that simple.
[...]
You did really well! I don't think you should repeat the quote again at the end... instead, consider paraphrasing the quote at the end and then adding 'some extra idea' to build on it... that will leave the reader hanging on the idea at the end. Dig just a little deeper and take a different turn with it at the end. Rather than just repeating the quote again, you can comment on an implication of it. It's great to bring them back to it at the end, but then you can go a step further and add another idea that is related to the quote and to the main message of the essay.
In college, I was naturally gravitated to activities and events---- I think you can omit that word.
I really like how you did this. My idea now for improvement is to get more specific in the first paragraph with what you mean about 'helping'.. that can get a lot more specific, and a fire might be burning you in the direction of particular people in need of particular help for which your talents and experiences best suit you.
With recently leaving my job Having recently left my job...
: )
Thank you for your feedback. It has helped me immensely. I have edit a lot, please take a look.
I was always a strong advocate for the underdog. In school, at home, or on the playground, I always stood up for what was right. In many ways, the role of a social worker was always present in me. It was important that others had equal opportunities and were able to advocate for themselves. If a person was not able to speak up and be heard, I was their voice. Some how, I chose a different career path. I became involved in Educational Technology. When I think back, technology was merely another vehicle to exercise my passion for helping and providing a voice to others.
At the age of 15, I tackled the most traumatic experience of my life. I was diagnosed with cancer. It was a form of cancer that resulted in a partial mastectomy, which had a major effect on my life. My initial reaction was that of emptiness. I was so confused and hurt that I isolated myself. I lost my voice. I wasn't able to understand what I went through and had no one to relate. I wasn't able to express my feelings and grew with a great sense of loneliness. It was too painful. Instead, I grew numb and did not allow myself to grieve. Those feelings of emptiness and hurt later became a relief for those who asked me for help. It was because I was able to relate that I began to heal and forget my trauma.
With the help of a tremendous team of doctors, social workers, therapists, and mentors, I was able to SURVIVE physically and emotionally. I regained my voice. I vowed that I would always express my true feelings and help those who struggle with expressing theirs.
Experiencing such trauma early in life made me the person I am today. It made me more caring and understanding to those who have suffered trauma and loss in their life. It gave me a new perspective. I was able to view society in an empathetic way. It became clearer to me how I could help my community. I did it through my work at the Boys & Girls Club.
I currently work at the Waltham Boys & Girls Club part-time. There, I work with at-risk youth in the Licensed After School Program and provided an exciting outdoor camp experience as Summer Camp Director. I chose to work at the club because I want to continue to help families. It allows me to stay committed to changing the lives of youth, while exploring options to enter the social work field.
I quit my job of 7 years, as Technology Director at the Boston Boys & Girls Club, which I loved very much. Unfortunately, It was no longer fulfilling. I grew bored and unchallenged. There was this internal tug of war with what was comfortable and what I had clearly outgrown. I needed a change.
On paper, most of my background was based around technology and youth development. I wanted something that would marry my skills and qualities into one profession. When exploring the idea of becoming a social worker, I was immediately impressed with the diverse roles a social worker undertakes in society and the workforce. I love the fact that they are the helping voice of the underserved. Choosing this career, will allow me to continue my mission of being an advocate for those who need it most.
As Technology Director, I was able to foster many relationships with youth. It was always such a rewarding job. To hear kids say they felt at home or mistaken me for an older sister or mother, confirmed I was doing something right. It was because of these relationships, I was able to build trust and seek the help that was needed for many youth. As a result, I created programs that focused on the uplift of youth's self-esteem and self-confidence. I created a group called "Passion 4 Fashion". It provided girls with a "safe space" to be themselves and express their individuality through the use of fashion and technology. I loved this program, because I saw these girls grow into more confident young women. I also organized a technology conference called "Tech Girls Rock". It focused on the emotional needs of girls and their interest in pursuing a degree in the field of technology.
My greatest accomplishment was witnessing a grand transformation in one of my youth. He started off as a very aggressive and disrespectful child and later evolved into a leader within the club. This particular person is Deaf and had no way of communicating with staff and other youth. This made him frustrated and act out. His struggle fueled my determination to help. I made it a point to learn ASL. Being able to communicate with each other helped him change his ways for the better. I gave him a voice and with that, he was able to reach his full potential at home, as a club member and as a student.
As a youth worker, I felt very prepared to work with any dilemma that surfaced. I participated in countless workshops catered to the empowerment and protection of youth, i.e. Life is Good Play Training, Children with Disabilities, Child Trafficking, Grief, CATCH Healthy Living, and Inclusion workshops to name a few.
In college, I naturally gravitated to community activities and events concerning youth and their empowerment. As President of the Video Club, our goal was to involve our neighboring community to support and be a part of our club and campus. I initiated many community events, such as annual holiday activities and fundraisers. These events inspired new members to create "Modeling for A Cause", a fashion show that donates its proceeds to select charities. Last year's recipient was Horizon for Homeless Children. I continue to volunteer my time and skills to the club.
Involved in so many activities and juggling a busy schedule. I was blindsided by a silent blow. The poor grades I received in my last year were a reflection of an emotional breakdown. It was a point in my life in which many things from my traumatic past began to resurface. I did not know how to handle such strong emotions. At that time, I was recently promoted to Technology Director and that too suffered as a result of my emotional rollercoaster. I wanted to prove to myself that I had it all under control. I admit that I did not hold myself accountable and instead let the pressure take over. I could have done better.
I am very capable of being in this rigorous program. I have the passion it takes to succeed and finish strong. I have seen myself excel and know that I will excel in this program. As a result of this difficult time and the mistakes I have made. I have grown into a stronger, dedicated and more resilient person, both mentally and emotionally. I vowed that I would never be that person again. I got the help that I needed and took those failures (lessons) and applied them to my work and final classes. In turn, I became very successful at work. I was named Technology Program Leader for all Boston Boys & Girls Clubs, Summer Camp Director and wrote and received various grants and awards for my programs.
With my extensive experience in youth development, I believe I would be a great asset to the program and resource to students interested in working with children and youth. I chose Simmons School of Social Work for my graduate studies because of the great feedback, small classes and flexibility of its online program. Attending the information sessions gave me a better sense of the program. Through the testimonies of past and present students and professors, I was able to identify with kind of experience I wanted from this program and knew this was the right place for me.
This challenging journey has prepared me more than ever to go on to the next chapter of my professional career. Since, I no longer have such a busy schedule. I found this time to focus on my interests and build a career in the social work field. My main goal with this degree is to help others find and/or regain their voices through different vehicles, i.e. technology, arts, languages, etc. I have realized that with my skills and passion, I can add a different way of learning and healing to those who need it most. Being in the MSW program, will provide me with many learning opportunities, create a strong foundation and build up my expertise in the field of social work.
The greatest reward is to hear the words "I am a better person because of your help". To know, I had such an impact in another person's life is priceless. In the words of Confucius, "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life". For this very reason, I see myself in the social work field.
Since, I no longer have such a busy schedule. I found this time ---- always trimming away words that can be trimmed away. Leave it sleek. : )
Now we condense:
I was a
Always a strong advocate for the underdog -- in school, at home, or on the playground -- I always stood up for what was right.
That makes a nice, strong, distinguished sentence.
Some how, I chose a different career path. --- 'Somehow' should be one word. And that sentenced about a 'different' career path.. as it is now, it makes me ask, "Different from what?" If you can add a few words to make it clear, you'll have a nice contrast/juxtaposition of ideas at the start of the essay.
When I think back, technology was merely another vehicle to exercise my passion for helping and providing a voice to others. --- You are approaching perfection here, I think. : ) This makes it interesting and meaningful and great. You have a clear plan now.
Go make a big splash now! Do you work with unbreakable resolve. And live like a warrior:
youtube.com/watch?v=6tuz-uG7OyY
