Essay for Kellogg MS in Management Studies Program

How have you grown and developed as a person over the last four years? What experiences in your undergraduate career have contributed to your development? (500 words)

When transferred to School of Economics and Management, I felt frustrated and lonely because my new peers had close bonding while I couldn't find partners for group assignment. In order to break the ice, I intentionally applied to involve in research projects where I had access to working with fellows and even was responsible for the research on procurement auctions of local government. Once getting out of my comfort zone , I became more proactive in sharing ideas during seminars, joint in dance team, organized volunteer activities and started my business project.

The experience of teaching dance and martial art in Enshi Lotus primary school, an elementary school for left behind children, inspired me to make a difference in the life of these children. I started a business project New Generation to participate in the YESxBOP (Young Enterprise Solutions for China's Bottom of the Pyramid) Business Plan Competition, which was organized by Junior Achievement, an organization operating in over 100 countries. We established the website "Go to the School" and provided consulting service about school enrollment policy for migrant workers to lower the barricade for their children's admission to primary schools. Within 6 months, we offered consulting service for more than 200 parents and helped 89 children to get enrolled at schools closed to their parents.

From my perspective, an excellent business leader should acquire strong problem-solving skills and seek for tiny opportunities to make a breakthrough. When analyzing the core problem how we can create value for those poor families, I came up with the idea of leveraging idle land resources to gain stable income for farmers. Through thousands of group meetings, interviews, questionnaires, my team identified the matched interest between real estate developer and farmers and raised a proposal of renting idle land resource to develop the local residential and business construction. With this executive and detailed proposal, my team received our first 100,000rmb conditional advertisement revenue from an Estate company and a start-up incubation investment with 10,000rmb.

In addition, I strengthened my communication skills and team execution from different projects. As a consulting analyst in Euromonitor International, I was assigned to investigate skin care industry in Central China. Besides store check date, transcript of interviews and photos, I shot a short film recording a normal day in down town area, to help my project manager know the local market. Instead of email or online conference, I added analysts of other regions to a group chat to share investigative skills freely and help each other. It was 8 months after the internship that we still get in touched and share the life via group chat.

My undergraduate experience taught me to deal with predicament, create opportunity, work in a team and take social responsibility. I can tell my fundamental change in the last four years but I still look forward to growing myself and sharpening hard and soft skills at Kellogg business school. I firmly believe that I will prepare better for my entrepreneurial dream and contribute more to Kellogg community in the future.

Thank you so much for your help.

Hi there Tianyu! I think the content of your essay is solid. You explain all of your experiences really well, and you included how they have helped you grow as a person. I really like that you explain the qualities you have learned in detail, and then at the end you sum them up. My only critique would be that at the end you sum up those skills, and it seems a bit rushed, or like something is missing. You're not really saying anything new there and for me it doesn't flow with the rest of the paragraph, which is more about the school than yourself. One quick sentence about how learning these skills will help you to achieve your goals or succeed at the school would really make for an excellent conclusion and merge your discussion of yourself and the school



In these sections, you do really well telling the reader the qualities you have and then explaining how you have acquired and/or used those skills.

Your punctuation looks pretty good overall. I do see a lot of places where your writing could be cleaner, more effective and where your grammar and word choice can be streamlined. I'll post that in another message below.

Zheng, I am of a different opinion regarding your essay. It may sound perfect at the moment but upon further scrutiny, you will find that there is no clear presentation of your growth over the past four years. You have to represent a number of areas for development in this instance, with the proper year for each activity that you participated in indicated. That will help the reviewer keep track of the 4 years that the prompt indicated. For example, you should say; " In March of 2011, I embarked upon my first year of university. This was a transitory time in my life as I experienced..."

Providing the academic growth you have had should be balanced with your personal growth as well. A professional shows an equal balance of an emotional and intellectual quotient. Therefore, you must present that type of information in this essay as well. In fact, to prove your growth and development as a person over the past 4 years, you should indicate something for each of the following areas:

1. Emotional Growth - Prove that you are able to handle stressful situations as this point
2. Intellectual Grow - showcase a thorough understanding of what you undergraduate studies have taught you with regards to your professional career
3. Social Growth - Portray your ability to properly work with others on a team or as a team leader by relating an obstacle or problem you had to overcome

4. Physical Growth - Prove that you are a healthy person who is able to handle the pure stress and pressure that comes with masters degree studies. Most students fail to complete the course because of health issues, explain why you would be different.

By showcasing these aspects, you will be able to better portray your growth and development over the past 4 years. It will be more informative and provide a thorough insight into your new found abilities. As of now, your essay is solely concentrated on academic and professional growth. It has neglected the other important aspects of your development. Following my outline should fix that. Remember, this paper is not all about success. It is about the balance of success and failure. So don't be afraid to talk about the failures you had and how you overcame them. That will better explain your growth as well.