Hello
I am planning to apply for a master of telecommunications , could you help me by giving comments and suggestions
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Electricity is essential to modern life. One cannot imagine that humanity could dispense with it. Electricity reach the end user passing three phases; generation, transmission and distribution. In all these phases, operators need controlling systems that enable them to deliver the energy service to the people and industry in an effective, efficient and intelligent way. That could be done using high speed and robust telecommunications systems that enable the operators to fully control the electricity in each point in the grid, and facilitate developing billing system and service level agreements based on reliable readings and measurements.
I love telecommunications since I was a student in the college of engineering. I took many communications courses and I do well with them. My destiny draws me to join Electricity Company in the telecommunications department immediately after graduation . I am enjoying working in the telecommunications industry and proud of serving people by being a member of a group supporting the electricity operations group and that is which let me senses the importance of telecommunications to electricity and to modern life in general.
Master of Science in Telecommunications in the University of Colorado at Boulder is one of the first programs of its kind. The curriculum is balanced and the courses are excellent. There are some courses that are about energy communications. This program is very suitable to my ambitions. I am interested in continuing my higher education in telecommunications, especially high speed communications and fiber optics.
My company does not offer a sponsorship, so I have to resign and fund myself. I submit along with this SoP a bank certificate.
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Thanks in advance
Hi yabh,
Well there are some good ideas here that should be expanded upon. But I think the passage should be better developed. In the first paragraph the third sentence does not make sense. Electricity reach the end user passing three phases; generation, transmission and distribution . This should be "Electricity reaches the end user by passing through three phases" . It seems that this paragraph needs to be better developed . How does this relate to your purpose for studying telecommunications? Are you intrigued by control systems for electricity? As the paragraph is you have just made a statement about electricity and telecommunications systems.
Relate the second paragraph to the first. Show how you love telecomm. in the first paragraph. I would mention the "Electricity Company" you joined, I think it would be much better, rather then to mention a generic electricity company. The last sentence is too long in the second paragraph. I would break it up into 2 sentences.
In the third paragraph I would say "The Master of Science..." . Also, I would not mention that your company does not sponsor you in the SOP and that you must resign.
I hope these comments help.
Mike
Electricity is essential to modern life.
This first sentence is boring! Can you replace it with a more meaningful sentence?
You should practice the verb tense "I have ..."
I loved loved telecommunications since I was a student in ...
Master of Science in Telecommunications in the University of Colorado at Boulder is one of the first programs of its kind. (Is this true? What is unique about it?
The curriculum is balanced and the courses are excellent. too vague
I am interested in continuing my higher education in telecommunications, especially high speed communications and fiber optics.-I want to know more about this! Name a book or article you read about it. Name a professor whose work you admire. Tell me what you want to accomplish in the next 1 year.
Tell more about your goals and aspirations. :-)
Sorry, I'm late
Thanks Mike , your comments are realy helpful
Regarding your question about how my experience related to telecom, electricity needs control systems, control systems need telecom systems , the telecom systems is my field in this company, we have telecom systems just like the telecom companies but in smaller side , my experience is in fiber optics , sdh/pdh , pabx ( telephone switches ) .
Regards :)
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Thanks Kevin
I will try to improve the sentences and bring a meaningfull and attracting ones.
Regarding the program of university of colorado, actualy I,m not sure, but I know that it is founded in 1971 .
Thanks for the rest of comments
Regards :)
Also, I would not mention that your company does not sponsor you in the SOP and that you must resign
Hi Mike
I meant by saying this that i am ready to sacrifies my job for my ambition to study the master in a strong university like university of colorado at boulder .
Hi Yabh.
I am glad my comments are helpful..Best of luck
Mike
Hi
I have another draft for my SoP
Actually I have tried to put it in a new thread, but the forum request to comment for others threads
I really want to help people but the reality that I am not good in english language and I write my own with mental difficulities :)
ok, I will try to do my best and help people but please let put my second draft here
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Realistic dreams are not supposed to die. Passion of success that I have been dreaming never stop. I have graduated eleven years ago and since that time I applied to my university, King Saud University, to study Master of science in Telecommunications, but duo to limited seats available for graduate studies, I had been rejected. That costs me three trials, after that I postponed my dream for years so I can guarantee good life for my family that I founded it just after my graduation by marriage with a girl that I love her and she loves me and we promised ourselves to live our dreams and face life difficulties. Now, after I build a house, and collect a sufficient amount of money to study in the US, my dream has appeared from horizon. I am an ambitious man and never leave the passion of success and excellence.
My destiny drops me to join Natinal Electricity Company - Telecommunications Department. I was eleven years full of experience and exchanging knowledge with my colleagues. It was a rich, variant professional life, starting as a PABX programmer and O&M engineer for the telephone systems and networks. The interconnecting of the PABX's introduces me to many technologies, such as E1's through SDH network, Analogue telephone channels through PDH systems, and Microwave links & Laser beams. I was managing the network through two NMS systems, one which is based in SUN Solaris OS, another based on Windows 2000 OS. Also It was opportunity to explore, read and some extent examine the Computer Telephony Integration and Unified Communication applications.
After six years, I moved to work with the department manager in the mission of preparing to utilize the telecom services in business, internally and externally. That begins by developing an accurate description of all telecom services that is offered by the department, then estimating the CAPEX and OPEX of each service, then setting prices for each one, finally developing the service level agreement SLA that address all the functions and parameters for each service .
After one year, I moved to work as a project engineer performing the tasks of supervising the installation of SDH/PDH systems and fiber optics cables. I realized the characteristics and types of fiber optics and fiber optic cables , and how telecom transmission networks works such as SDH and PDH. My department have started a new project to deploy IP/MPLS network country-wise to build over the SDH network. This project teaches me how WAN technologies built upon the SDH network and open the new world of integration of IP/MPLS & Ethernet and telecom transmission networks such as SDH.
After two years, I moved to work in the field of developing and improving telecom networks, mainly the SDH/PDH and fiber optics cabling networks. I wrote communications requirements for new projects, evaluating the technical offers from bidders, reviewing the base-design submitted from the winner contractors. In addition to that, I reviewed many pre-qualifications documents for new products, manufacturers and contractors. Nowadays, my department started writing the specifications and requirements for new country-wise project to install DWDM systems. This gives me opportunity to realize the importance of DWDM and how it works.
This long experience teaches me the importance of telecommunications for Industrial purposes and for people and I believe that modern civilization could not stand without telecommunications in many aspects. That is makes me love my career as a telecom engineer. So I want to improve my level experience and knowledge to a more advanced proficiency of this career. Here it comes the enrolling in an excellent master degree in telecommunications.
The Master of Science in telecommunications program offered in University of Colorado at Boulder is founded in 1971 by Prof. Frank S. Barnes. I believe that the program is one of the most advanced one in the world duo to the excellent faculty and rich list of courses.
My request is to have a conditional admission to the Master of Science in Telecommunications. I knew your program four years back, and since that time I put my goal to join it. I will be so happy if you accept, and I will the student that you are expecting.
Best Regards