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Master in Finance & Accounting program - my first draft for personal statement



Kamrul Hasan 1 / -  
Jan 9, 2020   #1

application to a German University



I am writing this letter to apply for the Master in Finance & Accounting program at x university, starting in winter 2020. I strongly believe that my educational background, working experience, personal skills and inspiration make me a very good candidate for this program. My ultimate career goal is to become a top-level manager in a Multinational Company. Therefore, attempted a Master's in Finance from a German University will be an incredible advance forward in my self-improvement and professional desire.

Concerning the academic accomplishments, I graduated with a Bachelor of Business Administration in Marketing and Master of Business Administration in Finance from the State University of Bangladesh. In addition to my academic qualifications, I have a solid six years of work experience with two different organizations. My primary exposure to the professional world of Finance was in my first job where I worked as an Accounts Officer for a Project, funded by the Netherlands government's NUFFIC, and my key responsibilities were to prepare monthly and yearly account statements, financial reports, monitoring and presentation of budgets for controlling funds as well as assist to organize seminars, workshops, training, etc. While working at this project, I had the chance to meet with some Senior Executives from NUFFIC and get their guidance on how to use the project's funds to meet the goals. After spending some time with them, I comprehended that I lacked international professional certification and information to get an administrative line of work in the field of finance, and that was the time my enthusiasm to do a master's degree in finance at a rumored world-class university energized.

Currently, I am working as an Assistant Manager at Multipoint Technology Ltd., a leading trading company in Bangladesh. In this position, my role often demands to make cost analysis and evaluate market trends and competitors for making final decisions about the investment strategy which I feel requires having in-depth analytical knowledge in the field of finance and a great understanding of the domestic and world economy. During my studies, I had taken courses related to Finance, Accounting, Marketing and Economics which are helping me immensely throughout my career to this point. Besides this, while performing my routine office tasks, sometimes I take help from the online learning sites or expert video lessons from the internet to complete my tasks more accurately with advanced techniques. For instance, I have created an f-commerce page named "Sell Wholesale'' for selling imported products, which is becoming very popular day by day and I enjoyed the chance to put some of my analytical skills into practice and was able to enhance my management and marketing expertise.

Like everyone else, my career goals can be divided into mid-term ones and long-haul ones. My primary career aspiration is to devote myself to complete a master's in finance from a reputed world-class university. As these days getting credibility is very important, after my graduation I would like to work in a moderate-sized organization and take the Chartered Financial Analyst examination to pick up my credibility in the financial field by being a CFA sanction holder which is one way to gain my long-haul intention to become a top-level manager in an international corporation.

In the globalization context, Bangladesh's economy is an opening entryway and growing very fast. It is the 39th largest in the world in nominal terms and 29th largest by purchasing power parity. Multinational Company, International Organizations and Foreign Firms access to Bangladesh more, have numerous chances to youngsters who to be spurred and enthusiastic. However, due to lack of knowledge in modern technologies and lack of researches and proper involved personnel in my country, these institutions are being run by foreign experts; especially, their finance departments. On the other hand, most of these outsiders are reluctant to leave their families and stay here for a long time resulting in many cases foreign companies refrain them to come here despite their interests. Thus, I feel a strong intention to improve this situation in my country and highly motivated to do higher study in Finance and Accounting.

For the past few months, I have been going through many graduate programs at the different German universities and after seeing many options, I have concluded that the Masters in Finance program at x university fits my academic and professional interests. In particular, I have found the courses related to finance that are offered in this program to be perfectly aligned with my career goals and preferences. Furthermore, I am highly aware of the reputation and quality of your institution and reputed faculties who are vastly experienced and engaged in cutting-edge research. In this way, it would be not only an honor for me to be able to attend courses offered by these esteem faculty members but also an opportunity to enrich my social experience with the diverse cultural background of its community and techniques in solving diverse problems. I, therefore, do not doubt the immense benefits I stand to gain upon my acceptance into the program.

I have enclosed all the supporting documents and certificates as required. It will be my pleasure to provide any additional information in support of my application to this graduate program.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Yours Sincerely,

Kamrul Hasan

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15386  
Jan 13, 2020   #2
It is a bit difficult to review your personal statement as you did not indicate if the university has specific guide questions for you to respond to in the essay. The personal statement that you have written comes across as rather dry. It is not very interesting because it does not have any highlights in the presentation. There are no anecdotes or stories regarding your employment that could showcase your skills as a professional that have prepared you for the course. Nor are there elements of the essay that could represent how your desire to study advance courses is directly related to your current job description. Try to be less straightforward in presenting your information in order to develop an interesting paper. Use stories, work experiences, your imagination when writing the paper. Why should I be interested in you as a student? How can you enhance the learning experience for others based on your current experience? Your essay mostly tells instead of shows the reader why you are a good candidate. There is no additional information in the essay, based on work experience that can help support your claims regarding your education and skills. Try to make the essay more interesting by balancing fact with evidence through storytelling whenever possible.


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