Hi, Please review the below essay in terms of content, structure, presentation and of course grammer...
Thanks in advance
Briefly assess your career progress to date. Elaborate on your future career plans and your motivation for pursuing a graduate degree at college M? (800 - 1000 words approx.)
"There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed." -- Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965) German theologian, philosopher, and physician.
Over the next few years, I would like to round out my corporate technical experience with exposure to core business skills such as strategy, innovation and transportation management. Doing so will help me become a well-rounded member of the Railway board, my ultimate goal, to guide Indian railways towards generating greater markets and higher profits and bring its service to a level at par with the world's best railways systems. This goal arises from my passion to serve the country by using my technical knowledge to improve Indian railways.
"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."-Albert Einstein. Perhaps, these words sum up my family mission and values. My father founded a charitable educational trust, Markaz-adab-o-Science(MAS), with a view to generate educational and social awareness among the downtrodden and most backward masses in Ranchi, my hometown. Since the inception of the trust, I was involved in its activities and took active part in providing career guidance and increasing computer literacy among the local populace. My association with the trust and the upbringing I received at home inculcated in me a deep sense of duty and responsibility to serve the society. While I was growing up, Indian economy was witnessing a phenomenal growth. One of the key factors for such growth was the rapid stride in Information and Communication Technologies (ICT). I was gripped by the advances in ICT and particularly its potential to promote the quality of life in rural India as well as creating new opportunities in all sectors. I realized that technology was my real calling and aspired to become an expert in communication technologies. With an Engineering degree in Electronics & Communication and a subsequent Masters degree in Computers, I joined Samsung electronics to acquire first-hand experience in ICT. Over the next 6 years, I have built my expertise in latest ICT in addition to accumulating leadership experience to manage teams and projects. I have successfully led and executed telecom projects for several operators such as Verizon for the US market and Vodafone for the European market. I have also pursued a varied range of roles - recruiting employees, mentoring engineers, and interfacing with clients spread across the globe - to prepare me to eventually realize my larger goals. My work ethic, my initiative to take on more responsibility, my analytical rigor, and my ability to lead effectively earned me a promotion to Lead Engineer after four years. Achieving this promotion typically requires at least six years. A successful career at Samsung could still not satisfy me, as I was still figuring out how to utilize my skills to make a lasting impact on society.
My passion to serve society motivated me to prepare for Indian Engineering Services (IES), a techno-managerial cadre of the Government of India. The selection procedure of IES is very rigorous as nearly a hundred thousand aspirants vie for 150 odd seats. After 9 hrs of office work, it was quite grueling to put 4 hrs of daily studies continuously for 2 yrs. After coming out with an All India 23rd rank in IES, my choice of Railways cadre was quite natural as I was always mesmerized by the size and complexity of the railways network, transporting eighteen million passengers and more than two million tonnes of freight daily. Most of the rail networks across the world have kept themselves abreast with the advances of science and technology, which has helped them not only remain efficient and profitable but also offer better service to its passengers. Unfortunately the Indian railways beset with bureaucracy and red-tapism, is still far away to either make use of the best of technologies or to improve its overall transportation management, which causes immense losses to the public exchequer. My strong desire to contribute my bit to society and my professional interests apparently shaped my long-term goal to serve in the Indian railways. I plan to join back Indian railways and aspire to become a member of the Railway board. As a board member I will utilize the vested executive power in me to make a significant change in IR by effective use of technology. Post MBA, my short-term goal is to become a consultant with a firm that specializes in infrastructure consulting (rail, road, general transportation). This role would give me the opportunity to leverage the skills gained from business school including strategy and innovation and thereby position me better to achieve my long-term goal.
Having achieved two of the necessary steps - gaining strong technical know how and becoming a Class I officer in Indian railways- towards achieving my long term goal, I still lack a good knowledge of business domain that is absolutely necessary to make Indian railways a profitable venture. Upon joining railways, I wish to explore several compelling ideas such as the possibility of dedicated goods line, implementing 'roll-on, roll-off' concept on a large scale and replacing the obsolete BSNL telecom lines with 3G lines. To realize my aspirations, I will need core skills in strategy, consulting and operations that I do not possess today. I need to learn how to analyze the financial viability of the plan, make proposals from the business point of view, learn and implement efficient and profitable business processes, which are often the key behind the success of so many private multinationals. I strongly believe that an MBA is the right way for me to gain this knowledge. Upon commencing the course at college M, I will have obtained strong knowledge in the latest communication technologies through my education and my work experience at Samsung. My conviction is that at this point in my life, these skills will allow me to realize the maximum educational benefit from the MBA at college M.
As a Class I officer in railways, I will have the responsibility to contribute to the General management of railways and therefore MBA at college M with a focus on General Management Program (GMP) is an ideal course for me. I am very much interested in courses such as Strategic Execution, which would help me to analyze key issues in strategic decision-making situations. Financial Reporting and Analysis course will enrich my perspective by adding business dimension to assess the viability of project. Small yet highly diverse class and a group-based approach to teaching will provide me with the opportunity to learn more from my classmates. I am especially enthusiastic about the International Project, which will enhance my global perspective. My communication with Prof Mr. A, an alumni Mr.Atim(Class of 2009) and the current batch student Mr. S at the Bangalore road show has fully attested to my belief that college M is the very school that will transform me from a candidate to a well rounded government officer who will make an informed and influential contribution to Indian railways.
Thanks in advance
Briefly assess your career progress to date. Elaborate on your future career plans and your motivation for pursuing a graduate degree at college M? (800 - 1000 words approx.)
"There is no higher religion than human service. To work for the common good is the greatest creed." -- Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965) German theologian, philosopher, and physician.
Over the next few years, I would like to round out my corporate technical experience with exposure to core business skills such as strategy, innovation and transportation management. Doing so will help me become a well-rounded member of the Railway board, my ultimate goal, to guide Indian railways towards generating greater markets and higher profits and bring its service to a level at par with the world's best railways systems. This goal arises from my passion to serve the country by using my technical knowledge to improve Indian railways.
"Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile."-Albert Einstein. Perhaps, these words sum up my family mission and values. My father founded a charitable educational trust, Markaz-adab-o-Science(MAS), with a view to generate educational and social awareness among the downtrodden and most backward masses in Ranchi, my hometown. Since the inception of the trust, I was involved in its activities and took active part in providing career guidance and increasing computer literacy among the local populace. My association with the trust and the upbringing I received at home inculcated in me a deep sense of duty and responsibility to serve the society. While I was growing up, Indian economy was witnessing a phenomenal growth. One of the key factors for such growth was the rapid stride in Information and Communication Technologies (ICT). I was gripped by the advances in ICT and particularly its potential to promote the quality of life in rural India as well as creating new opportunities in all sectors. I realized that technology was my real calling and aspired to become an expert in communication technologies. With an Engineering degree in Electronics & Communication and a subsequent Masters degree in Computers, I joined Samsung electronics to acquire first-hand experience in ICT. Over the next 6 years, I have built my expertise in latest ICT in addition to accumulating leadership experience to manage teams and projects. I have successfully led and executed telecom projects for several operators such as Verizon for the US market and Vodafone for the European market. I have also pursued a varied range of roles - recruiting employees, mentoring engineers, and interfacing with clients spread across the globe - to prepare me to eventually realize my larger goals. My work ethic, my initiative to take on more responsibility, my analytical rigor, and my ability to lead effectively earned me a promotion to Lead Engineer after four years. Achieving this promotion typically requires at least six years. A successful career at Samsung could still not satisfy me, as I was still figuring out how to utilize my skills to make a lasting impact on society.
My passion to serve society motivated me to prepare for Indian Engineering Services (IES), a techno-managerial cadre of the Government of India. The selection procedure of IES is very rigorous as nearly a hundred thousand aspirants vie for 150 odd seats. After 9 hrs of office work, it was quite grueling to put 4 hrs of daily studies continuously for 2 yrs. After coming out with an All India 23rd rank in IES, my choice of Railways cadre was quite natural as I was always mesmerized by the size and complexity of the railways network, transporting eighteen million passengers and more than two million tonnes of freight daily. Most of the rail networks across the world have kept themselves abreast with the advances of science and technology, which has helped them not only remain efficient and profitable but also offer better service to its passengers. Unfortunately the Indian railways beset with bureaucracy and red-tapism, is still far away to either make use of the best of technologies or to improve its overall transportation management, which causes immense losses to the public exchequer. My strong desire to contribute my bit to society and my professional interests apparently shaped my long-term goal to serve in the Indian railways. I plan to join back Indian railways and aspire to become a member of the Railway board. As a board member I will utilize the vested executive power in me to make a significant change in IR by effective use of technology. Post MBA, my short-term goal is to become a consultant with a firm that specializes in infrastructure consulting (rail, road, general transportation). This role would give me the opportunity to leverage the skills gained from business school including strategy and innovation and thereby position me better to achieve my long-term goal.
Having achieved two of the necessary steps - gaining strong technical know how and becoming a Class I officer in Indian railways- towards achieving my long term goal, I still lack a good knowledge of business domain that is absolutely necessary to make Indian railways a profitable venture. Upon joining railways, I wish to explore several compelling ideas such as the possibility of dedicated goods line, implementing 'roll-on, roll-off' concept on a large scale and replacing the obsolete BSNL telecom lines with 3G lines. To realize my aspirations, I will need core skills in strategy, consulting and operations that I do not possess today. I need to learn how to analyze the financial viability of the plan, make proposals from the business point of view, learn and implement efficient and profitable business processes, which are often the key behind the success of so many private multinationals. I strongly believe that an MBA is the right way for me to gain this knowledge. Upon commencing the course at college M, I will have obtained strong knowledge in the latest communication technologies through my education and my work experience at Samsung. My conviction is that at this point in my life, these skills will allow me to realize the maximum educational benefit from the MBA at college M.
As a Class I officer in railways, I will have the responsibility to contribute to the General management of railways and therefore MBA at college M with a focus on General Management Program (GMP) is an ideal course for me. I am very much interested in courses such as Strategic Execution, which would help me to analyze key issues in strategic decision-making situations. Financial Reporting and Analysis course will enrich my perspective by adding business dimension to assess the viability of project. Small yet highly diverse class and a group-based approach to teaching will provide me with the opportunity to learn more from my classmates. I am especially enthusiastic about the International Project, which will enhance my global perspective. My communication with Prof Mr. A, an alumni Mr.Atim(Class of 2009) and the current batch student Mr. S at the Bangalore road show has fully attested to my belief that college M is the very school that will transform me from a candidate to a well rounded government officer who will make an informed and influential contribution to Indian railways.