background, talents, skills, etc. or experiences
The prompt: Learning from others is enhanced in educational settings that include individuals from diverse backgrounds and experiences. Please describe your personal characteristics (background, talents, skills, etc.) or experiences that would add to the educational experience of others.
When I encountered it first, my reticent behavior made acclimating to my new life at a university difficult. 500 miles displaced from my home, perhaps my reserved personality didn't fit with the rigorous learning environment at college.
To escape the stress, I routinely exercised at the campus gym. One day, upon walking in an unprecedented area, I encountered a breakdancing class. But, I was the only Asian immersed in a cluster of 10 Black African Americans. When my face changed to scarlet, I tried to leave discreetly; all eyes glued on me. The awkward moment overturned when they cheered for me to join. Dancing was incompatible with my strict upbringing because my parents emphasized the "boring" piano and violin; breakdancing was out of my comfort zone. Yet, as I chatted with my new friends who had nothing in common with me, I slowly lifted my foot. By mirroring every move, strangers taught me a task I wouldn't think of doing in my life.
However, my new friends taught me more than dancing. In particular, I need to leave my comfort zone to become stronger. Participating in campus was one way for me to grow. As orange leaves changed to winter gray, I became a leader of the American Society of Mechanical Engineers. Here, I collaborated with two different sets of people - professional engineers and enthusiastic students. Piloting public relations, I increased club awareness by forcing myself in crowds of peers and professionals and recruiting ten new members every week. These conditions improved my creative thinking skills as I implemented new event ideas to promote participation. But in spite of cooking free food or making comical PowerPoint presentations, I learned to improve my public speaking skills. Talking in front of 50 students at every meeting contradicted my shyness, but it gave me the practice required to improve self-efficacy.
Sometimes one can better themselves by leading an association - or from learning a new dance. But, learning in a collaborative setting is fundamental. Before, I considered my shy personality detrimental; however, it led to my catalyst for growth. Removing myself from my comfort zone by meeting new people transformed a boy too scared to start a conversation into someone who finally believes in himself. I am confident in my abilities and cannot wait to foster an environment where others can improve as well.Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Depending upon the maximum word count for the presentation, you will either need to add a paragraph or revise the total essay to accommodate the required changes in the discussion. Your opening paragraph should be connected to the second paragraph instead. Why? That is to show that your 2 opening sentences were meant to serve as the foundation of the topic in that paragraph. Why did you learn how to dance? You should also change your word choice from "unprecedented area" to "unexplored area on campus".
You need to explain how dance led to your becoming the leader of the society of engineers. That part lacks development in the presentation even though it is a highly important part of your character building. You may also want to consider explaining what cooking free food and making power point presentations have to do with the previous discussion or the development of your personality. How did these 2 activities contribute to that? You should always focus on clearly explaining your story. Don't introduce elements which are important without first offering an explanation or a quick backstory.
The closing paragraph is good. It works with the overall intention of your presentation. The note of confidence at the end is a good closing statement. However, the convincing power of your concluding paragraph will not work if you do not better develop your presentation in the 2 previous paragraphs first.
