This is my first attempt at an admissions essay and I would therefore appreciate any feedback you can offer! Even if you have no particular suggestions, please let me know about paragraphs that sound awkward, repetitive or incomplete.
Instructions for this admissions letter are as follows: Briefly describe your educational and/or professional experience (including publications, awards and employment), your graduate programme goals and your reasons for wanting to attend D***** University. Explain any gaps or deficiencies in your academic record.
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To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing to submit my application for the MSc program in Physiology and Biophysics. I am already enthusiastic about being a part of this department and feel that I would be a strong asset to the lab where I complete my graduate work.
First and foremost, I consider myself to have been a highly motivated undergraduate student. While completing my BSc in neuroscience at D***** University, I participated in a wide variety of extra-curricular and co-curricular activities including a two-year executive council position with the Undergraduate Neuroscience Society. My involvement with UNS was a vital component of my undergraduate experience because it allowed me to meet like-minded neuroscience students and faculty and be a part of a small community within my department.
I have always been interested in scientific research; I chose to complete an independent research project in my third year of university to further explore this interest and gain first-hand experience working within a research laboratory. I completed this project in the lab of Dr. SK and this was a period of tremendous learning for me. I saw that research not only requires a great deal of practice in lab techniques but that flexibility is vital to deal with unexpected results or problems along the way. I had such a positive experience with this small project that I opted to complete a neuroscience honours project in my final year to better prepare myself for graduate work in a related field.
As with my third-year research project, I undertook my honours study under the supervision of Dr. SK. I feel that my long-term involvement in this lab has allowed me to better understand and appreciate the work that goes into scientific research. It has also heightened my interest in contributing to future research in synaptic plasticity. Being accepted into this Master's program would not only allow to me develop a deeper knowledge of neurophysiology, but also provide me with the skills necessary for carrying out independent research in my future studies and, eventually, my chosen profession.
I chose to apply to D***** for several reasons, the first of which is its reputation as a research-intensive university. I also thoroughly enjoyed my undergraduate studies at D***** and felt it to be a very student-focused environment with many dedicated staff members. Most importantly, I enjoyed the work I have done with Dr. SK. I learned quickly under his supervision and became increasingly interested in his research; I would greatly appreciate the chance to continue to work with him during my graduate studies.
You will notice on my transcript that I received a failing grade in CHEM2401 in fall 2009. At this time, I was living in a very stressful and turbulent environment that negatively impacted my ability to focus and to regularly attend classes. I re-took this chemistry class after correcting the problem and received an A, which I believe demonstrates my ability to learn from mistakes and my determination in achieving academic goals. Despite the set-back I experienced in this difficult semester, I managed to graduate with a cGPA of 3.7
I am a very hardworking and motivated student. I am confident in my ability to meet the high standards and expectations of a graduate program and believe I would make a great contribution to your department.
Thank you for your consideration.
Hi there,
I am new to admission essays as well so I don't know that I can be of particular help but I did want to say that I think you covered the necessary topics and none of it felt awckward to read or follow. I thought you did a good job of explaining your chemistry grade without making it sound like whiney, as some that I have read do! This definately reads more like a letter than an essay but perhaps the norm? I am not sure so I just thought I would give you my input. Good luck and best of luck in getting accepted!
I think in this case it is supposed to read like a letter, but I will double-check on that. Thanks for your input! I will take a look at yours and see if I can help at all
First and foremost, I consider myself to have been a highly motivated undergraduate student. ---Transform this sentence into a sentence that mentions having been highly motivated while expressing something more meaningful... something about your vision for the future.
I have always been interested in scientific research----Transform this part by replacing the word research with some specific kind of research. Even if you are interested in LOTS of different kinds of research, choose one or two areas to mention and specify them here. Entertain the reader with your story.
I had such a positive experience with this small project that I opted to complete a neuroscience honours project in my final year to better prepare myself for graduate work in a related field.---You write very well!! :-) This is all impressive. But here, again, specify instead of referring generally to a "neuroscience honours project".. The specificity is the power of the punch.
Despite the set-back I experienced in this difficult semester, I managed to graduate with a cGPA of 3.7 ----- very cool... I think you did this part well.
I am a very hardworking and motivated student. I am confident in my ability to meet the high standards and expectations of a graduate program and believe I would make a great contribution to your department.
Thank you for your consideration.---Too general. No part of the essay should be general, formal writing. Instead, use this conclusion as an opportunity to punch the reader again with your main idea.
What is your main, most important idea!?
:-)
Thanks for the suggestions! The main idea that I want to convey is that my background has really prepared me for graduate work in neurophysiology.
I will mention things that MADE me a motivated student to add specifics -- my good grades, lab work, volunteer experiences. I will also mention that my honours project was in synapse formation and that that prepared me for grad work in the field of synapse function.
Thanks again :)
