Please review the second essay question for my application into the W&M MAcc program. Any and all thoughts, comments, and advice will be greatly appreciated. If you have any ideas on possible ways to shorten the essay and take out some "noise", please tell, I have gone over the word limit and need to shorten the response. Thank you so much!
What are you hoping to achieve during your studies in the MAcc Program?
After speaking with a number of auditors during my senior year of undergraduate studies, I realized that a career as an accountant would be a wonderful fit for my personality and I immediately began the process of deciding where I would pursue my Master of Accounting. It took very little research before my heart became set on William and Mary's program. The Summer Boot Camp, small student to faculty ratio, and the proximity to Washington, D.C. on top of the respected program, renowned faculty, and program flexibility provided assurance that this would be the program I would strive to attend.
While enrolled in the MAcc program, I am dedicated to maintaining an excellent GPA of 3.75 or above. I have taken great pride in achieving a high grade point average my entire life and I plan to continue this pattern throughout my graduate studies. My goal is to pass the all parts of the CPA exam within a year of graduating, so retaining knowledge is my first priority.
When I am not in class or studying, I hope to obtain a graduate assistantship and work closely with a member of faculty on research, projects, and assist the faculty member in any way possible. This opportunity would be invaluable. The professors from William and Mary are amongst the top educators and most intelligent individuals in the field of accounting. I plan to learn as much as possible when surrounded by these brilliant instructors.
Besides focusing on my education and keeping in mind the ultimate goal of passing the CPA exam to become a Certified Public Accountant, my main goal for the program is to develop relationships with my fellow classmates. I am particularly excited about meeting my classmates who will all have such a unique background. As I have learned during my short time in a professional working environment, business is developed by building relationships with individuals who you know and trust. In my mind, it is of the utmost importance for our class to develop working relationships and friendships with each other, which will assist us in becoming the future leaders in the field of accounting.
Our entire class has come together with many of the same goals in mind: to obtain a world-class education at one of the top universities in the world, become part of the extensive William and Mary network, and become Certified Public Accountants. I look forward to seeing what the future has in store for my classmates and myself. As we grow professionally, we will proudly represent and always strive to advance the reputation of the College of William and Mary.
Chris, make sure that you never have a prompt deviation in your essays. Most specially in the opening statement. In this case, you deviated from the prompt by using it to indicate your choice of William and Mary for your masters degree studies. You should never discuss any topic that is not being asked for in the prompt. Just provide the admissions officer with the required prompt responses and stop wasting time. Go direct to the point by immediately indicating what you hope to achieve as a student there.
In the middle of your essay you make reference to what you will be doing when you are not in class or studying, that is the wrong approach to take. You are talking about an assistanship program being offered by the university that you wish to participate in. Drop the reference to doing this when you are not in class or studying because this program is still part of your educational process and is part of your goal, objective, or desire to participate in as a student at the university. This is still part of your achievement goals as a student and should be represented as such.
Your conclusion is misplaced. never assume that you can talk for a group of people, no matter how close you regard them as friends. the essay is not meant to be a collective representation of your applications but rather, the reflection of your sole goals as a student at the university. Reevaluate the content of your conclusion and rephrase it to signify only your personal opinion.
Thank you for your response, looks like I have some editing to do!
@vangiespen could you please provide your thoughts on my updated version?
As a student in the Master of Accounting Program, I plan to build the foundation for my career as a leader in the field of accounting. This starts by maintaining an excellent GPA of 3.75 or above. I have taken great pride in achieving a high grade point average my entire life and I plan to continue this pattern throughout my graduate studies. The ultimate goal of becoming a Certified Public Accountant begins with this program and leads to the CPA exam, which I plan to complete within a year of graduating, so retaining knowledge is priority number one.
In addition to focusing on my studies, I hope to work closely with a member of faculty on research and projects as a graduate assistant. This opportunity would be invaluable as the professors at William and Mary are amongst the top educators and most intelligent individuals in the field of accounting. I plan to learn as much as possible when surrounded by these brilliant instructors and implement this knowledge when entering the workforce.
Besides focusing on my education and pursuing the ultimate goal of becoming a Certified Public Accountant, my main goal for the program is to develop relationships with my fellow classmates. As I have learned during my short time in a professional work environment, business is developed by building relationships with individuals who you know and trust. In my mind, it is of the utmost importance for our class to develop working relationships and friendships, which will assist us in becoming the future leaders in the field of accounting.
In order to network and build relationships with my classmates, I plan to play an integral role in the MAcc Council. I hope to assist in the planning and organization of professional development, community service, and social events. These events will allow our class to come together and connect on a deeper level than interacting solely in the classroom.
The College of William and Mary is the ideal school to build my foundation for a career as a leader in the field of accounting. The world-class education on top of my focused mindset, dedication, and hard work ethic will allow me to achieve my short and long-term professional goals. I believe that I am a qualified candidate who will be successful and make a meaningful contribution to the program both during and after my studies. As I grow professionally, I will proudly represent and always strive to advance the reputation of the College of William and Mary.
Chris, the way that you developed the essay from the introductory paragraph all the way to the 3rd paragraph was sheer perfection in terms of responding to the prompt. I would not change anything nor add any more information to those parts of the essay. However, the concluding paragraph, again, is a prompt deviation that does not allow the attention of the reviewer to finish reading your essay focused solely on the prompt requirements.
In my opinion, the only thing left to do with your essay is the deletion of your current final paragraph, also known as the conclusion. It is not really required and closing the essay on the networking note is far more effective. It shows the continued activity that you will be doing during and beyond class hours as a student. More importantly, it allows the reviewer to know that you will be creating relationships that will have a lot to do with the continued development of your career in the future, which one of the main purposes of your attending these masters classes :-) That leaves the reviewer to close the reading of your essay with a positive impression of you as a student. :-)
Thank you!
