Hello all,
This is the first paragraph of my essay for graduate admission (MS in CS):
KV Doraiswamy, KVD Master as he was popularly known as, an English professor and also family friend is the person behind my strong desrie to pursue MS in Computer Science. "So have you started compromising with your life?" is the question that he asked me 7 years ago, when I told him that I was happy with my selection of Electrical and Electronics as major for my under-graduate course. The versatility and complexity of computers had fascinated me ever since my childhood and it was my dream to do my Engineering in Computer Science. I did not answer KVD master's question then, but it was at that moment that I had decided to pursue my graduate studies in "Computer Science". From that day onwards, I have prepared myself for MS in Computer Science with perseverence and diligence. Now, with 2.5 years of professional experience in the Operating Systems domain and a strong foundation in the fundamentals of computer science, I believe it is time I act towards fulfilling my dream. Hence, I submit this application, with a strong urge to learn in one of the top universities of United States of America, and contribute to my chosen field of Computer Science.
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I have some doubts about this:
1) Will it be a -ve point to say I did not get seat for CS?
2) In USA, the CS and Electrical departments will be common. So does this introduction confuse the readers?
The introduction shows a strong motivation, but maybe it is not 100% +ve - this is what I am feeling.
Please give me some feedback on this. Is it safe to keep this or should I change.
Thanks in advance,
Chaithra
Only one "as", and I'll also ass dashes to help manage the sentence:
KV Doraiswamy -- "KVD Master" as he was popularly known -- was an English professor and also family friend is the person behind my strong desrie to pursue MS in Computer Science.---> do you like it this way?
no need for a hyphen: undergraduate course.
The versatility and complexity of computers had fascinated me ever since my childh
ood, and it was my dream to ...
Nice job! The way you end your first para, though, should give the reader the main message that you want to convey. Is your important message, "I want to apply," or can you come up with a more specific theme for this?
In USA, the CS and Electrical departments will be common. So does this introduction confuse the readers?
What confuses the reader is the term KVD Master. Could we just refer to the question asked by a teacher, "Are you comprimising?" without naming the teacher? Naming the teacher like this in the first para makes it seem like the essay is about this teacher. It is best to come up with a main theme for your essay, for your aspirations. Give the reader something to remember you by.
It is not so important to worry about whether the reader understands the CS and electrical depts being different in Pakistan. What is important is to write about your unique viewpoint and motivation, your unique passion. I think you are off to a good start!
:-)
Thanks Kevin for your reply and corrections. I too felt that I need a strong theme to show my uniqueness and hence came up with another introduction, taking Operating Systems as the theme as I have 2+ years experience in the same domain. Now, I am confused between the previous one and this one. Please let me know which one is stronger.
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Introduction:
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A chance discovery of the book "Operating System Concepts" by Silberschatz, Galvin and Gange in the college library during the very first semester of my undergraduation is the event that has shaped my career until now and continues to do so in the future. The book not only introduced me to the versatality and complexity of computer systems, but also inspired me to learn various related sujects like Data Structures and Algorithms during my undergraduate studies. However, an organized study of advanced topics in the field of Computer Science has been a dream since my undergraduate days and I have prepared myself continuously for MS in CS with perseverence and diligence since then. Now, with 2.5 years of professional experience in the Operating Systems domain and a strong foundation in the fundamentals of computer science, I believe it is time I act towards fulfilling my dream. With my focused motivation for graduate studies and the right mindset to pursue and realize my dreams, I envision a great future for myself with myriads of opportunities, in the realm of Computer Science. Hence, I submit this application, with a strong urge to learn in one of the top universities of United States of America, and contribute to my chosen field of Computer Science. --> or this line
Academic background:
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I have been consistently good throughout my academic studies. I completed my undergraduate degree in Electrical and Electronics Engineering at ---, which is among the top rated technical colleges in India. During undergraduate studies, subjects like Microprocessors and Computer Organization fascinated me the most. Parallely I completed an Advanced Diploma in Information Technology from --- where I was exposed to various programming languages and technologies like C++, Java, J2EE, .Net, SQL, Linux, Object Oriented Programming, Computer Networks and Software Engineering. As part of this course, I worked on two projects.The first one was a "Multithreaded chat application in Java" using java sockets and I/O classes. The second project was "Chat application using RMI", which made programming easier as designing socket protocols was not needed, but proved to be slower than sockets because of various overheads involved like RMI registry and stubs. During my final semester in college, I presented a seminar on "Artificial Intelligence and Neural Networks" and worked on the project "Flyback converter using transformers" which were highly appreciated. I also worked as the webmaster for the student IEEE branch of our college, where developing and maintaining a full-fledged website (using HTML, CSS,Javascript,JSP and servlets) gave me the first exposure to real life programming. Electrical and Electronics as major during ungergraduation and my inclination towards Computer Science, is what makes me stand out of the core as I have studied subjects ranging from power generation to transmission and distribution, analog electronics and logic design to computer organization and microprocessors, operating systems and kernel programming to java, C++ and finally HTML!! --> is this line required??
Professional background:
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The above mentioned skills, along with my strong problem solving skills, logical thinking, enthusiasm towards coding and puzzles and my special interest in Operating Systems secured me a job in the Product R&D division of ---- in India. I have worked on --- File Systems team from July 2007 to December 2009 as System Software Engineer. I have undergone the HP-UX internals training along with hands-on training in kernel debugging and programming.My major responsibilities in this role were defect fixing, providing enhancements and testing for file system commands, backup commands and file system kernel components. I have undergone the HP-UX internals training along with hands-on training in kernel debugging and programming. I worked on three major enhancements, two on the pax(1) command(archival utility on HP-UX) and one on VFS layer enhancement to support EVFS 2.0, which exposed me to various stages of development like requirement analysis, design, coding and testing. I have fixed complex and challenging defects like panics and hangs in various file system components like Directory Name Lookup Cache(DNLC), CDFS, buffer cache, VFS layer, VxFS and file system calls like dup(2) and write(2), which needed a strong understanding of filesystem and memory management components and kernel programming. With commitment and expertise, I was able to establish myself as the go-to person for the pax(1) command and CDFS module at a very early stage in my career. I also worked on an idea titled "Improved efficiency of pax(1) on HP-UX through new features", which was showcased during Ideafest, an internal idea showcasing event. This project involved developing a POC to make pax(1) a multi-threaded archival utility with multiple readers and single writer and to implement multi-level incremental backup with the use of graph files. -- being a company working on a wide range of technologies, has shown me the broad range of possibilities and innovations happening in the field of CS and further strengthened my desire to pursue MS in CS.
Working on the filesystem components for more than two years sparked a new interest in me along with operating systems - storage. Hence, I joined --- in December 2009 as Sustaining Engineer. My role in this job involves core analysis and root cause analysis for the kernel panics found at customer sites for the Data ONTAP operating system. This is an operating system used mainly on storage filers and hence has exposed me to various cutting-edge technologies like SAN, NAS, RAID and snapshots along with the core OS components - memory management, file system (WAFL) and process management. I am currently in training stage which I am enjoying as I have got the opportunity to attend talks and study the above mentioned technologies. Also, after being introduced to the second operating system I am now able to appreciate the complexities and design of both HP-UX and Data ONTAP. More than two years of experience in the field of Operating Systems has enriched my knowledge in various aspects of the systems domain and storage and also honed my skills in programming.
Conclusion + goals:
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I have gained a lot from the above jobs - in particular, an idea of how rewarding and meaningful a career in R&D in the field of Computer Science could be. I possess self-developed and industry-hardened skills in Computer Science, but these experiences have made me more eager to apply myself to an organized study of advanced topics in computing. The areas that interest me the most are Systems, Databases and data mining or Computer Networks which are the fundamentals of today's leading technologies like HPC, grid computing, internet searching and cloud computing. My ultimate career goal is to make a commendable contribution to the computing world, either by starting an innovative venture or doing research which would change the dimensions of future computing and the way we percieve the computers today. To achieve this, there can be no better step for me than a graduate program in a school of repute, such as yours. The demanding curricula coupled with state-of-the-art laboratories at .... will provide me the right direction to fulfil my ambitions and to build a career around my potential. I am confident that my academic records and practical knowledge combined with my eagerness to learn exhibit the motivation and zeal required to pursue Master's degree in your university. The challenges and oppurtunities of graduate studies at .... will help me reach another milestone in the journey of a successful career that I have envisioned for myself. I look forward to hear from you.
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Should I cut down the professional and academic backgrounds?
Sorry for the long essay :)
Thanks in advance,
Chaithra