Essay for PT School. does it sound to cliche or romanticised?

Well everything here is true. But i feel like its just too cliche. Apart from that I also have an issue with the flow or how the ideas connect together. Hopefully some one will be able to help me with this.

Topic: Describe your decision making process in choosing physical therapy as a career choice versus other health care careers.

If there is one thing I remember during my teenage years, it's spending the morning and afternoon with my brother and father watching soccer in particularly the English Premier League. I appreciated the sport and the skill of the players, but one thing that always caught my attention were the physiotherapist that would attend to the players when they got injured. It was the techniques they used to get the athletes going in no time that got me captivated. That is what initially got me thinking about physical therapy.

However it was my mother that got me going in that direction. In 2008 my mother had broken her foot, the calcaneus in particular. She underwent surgery and had she had to wear a protective boot and use crutches for 3 months. However after that, it seemed that she had not improved. It turns out that the doctor responsible had not done a good job. At the end of the day she had to go under surgery once again to correct the problem and so was stuck in the boot for another 2 months. However this in combination of pain medication, took a toll on her emotional health. Eventually she was admitted to a Psychiatric hospital. After the ordeal she was finally prescribed physical therapy, it had a profound effect on her. She was able to do more with her foot and improved her self esteem; the therapy even seemed to help with the scar wound. I honestly believe if she had been offered physical therapy along with her surgery, which is not common place in South Africa, her mental health would not have deteriorated to such a level.

The one thing, I feel, that physical therapy offers that many other health professions don't is the personal connection that you create with your patients. One experience that sticks out is when I volunteered at a rehabilitation center for the elderly. A woman, Mrs. Edna Wilson, suffering from a form of dementia would constantly get confused and upset, she would constantly ask where her uniform for work was, and many of the nurses didn't have the time to comfort her. I initially saw her as a nuisance but something in me made feel guilty about just ignoring her. Eventually I sat next to her and had a conversation with her, carefully letting her know that she has retired and she didn't have to worry anymore. This brought a big smile to her face, despite having a mental illness, she was still capable of knowing when she was being ignored and appreciated the fact that I took the time to talk to her. Somehow making her day made my day. By having that bond you discover many things about that person, that no test or device could ever determine.

By studying physical therapy, I hope not only to improve people's overall quality of life, but to also prevent them from going through what my family and I have gone through with my mother. My ultimate goal is to take back what I've learnt back home to help the health system to be as great if not greater than the U.S. health system. I hope by pursuing this ambition, I will be of service to the African continent where satisfactory medical delivery system is still evolving.

If there is one thing I remember in my teenage years, it is those enjoyable sessions watching soccer games, in particular when the English Premier League played with my father and brother.


... "one thing" sounds repetitive.
...but what caught my attention the most had been the physiotherapist who attended to the players when they go injured.


However, it was my mother who influenced me to take that direction.