Hi. I think I would like to start with correcting the errors.
Maybe when Americans are little, they dreamed about being an astronomer or a doctor or a lawyer.
I think this sentence is not needed. It has some grammatical errors too.
When I was young, I wanted to be a scientist, because scientists seems to be extremely smart. Fortunately, my nebulous childhood dream became a realistic ambition. When I was in high school, my math teacher Fan Qiliang taught Math in a very unique way. When he gave us lectures, he often said
"So beautiful math is, or what!; We encountered various hard problems every now and then, so easy it is, I can solve it in three different ways, now pay attention and watch me play with it." (A little bit awkward here) After he had shown us his way, I felt much more comfortable with the problem. I can vividly remember how I could easily derive from each Trigonometric Function to another. Although I had won National Mathematics Olympiad before and been the only student who had earned the perfect score in the high school entrance math examination, it was my math teacher who had discovered the innate curiosity that loomed inside of me.
From then on, I made up my mind to pursue math, the father of all sciences, as a career. When I received my college admission in summer 2007, I knew that I had began the journey which my math teacher was once on; and I also knew that this decision was not just an naive childhood dream - it was my present and my future. I was keen on studying the advanced mathematical courses, and always keep my math teacher's words in my mind. With my solid theoretical foundation and logical mind, I conquered countless conundrum with an overall score of 93.7 (on a 0-100 scale) and a ranking of top 2% across the level. In my Numerical Analysis class, I had developed an affinity for partial differential equations. My teacher made me realized that the beauty of mathematics went beyond proofs of theorems; the great potential of Math as an instrument of problem solving and improving society made it even more beautiful. It is not that rigorous approach toward theorems are not as important as the applications. However, I felt that the most exciting things is that I can use my intelligent in multi-disciplines to tackle real-world issues. For example, if we could find the balance point of a differential equation problem, then we could avoid waste of inputs simultaneously get the most from the investment. I feel that program at (Which school?) University makes a perfect match with my future plans. (why?) I strongly believe that as highly motivated and determinate student like me would be a valuable asset to your university, because I will bringing theoretical knowledge as well as unique Chinese culture to the community.
Apart from my academic life, I have always tried to squeeze out some time for my hobbies. I believe it is indispensable to engage myself in leisure activities to achieve overall development. As a result, I played in my college's Ping Pong (Table Tennis) team. Since my English skills were well-developed, learning more foreign languages has become my passion. I have taught myself French and Japanese for a year. My Toefl score does not reflect my ability to handle English. (Not recommended) As proof, you may interview me through telephone.
Thanks to the value system imbibed in me by my parents, teachers and my mentors and an intrigued liking for science, I would devote myself to scientific research in China and turn my research achievements into practical use. (what use?) Thus, I would sincerely like to enter your Ph.D. program.
It's not saying that rigorous approach toward theorems are not as important as the applications, to me, the most exciting things is that I can use my intelligent in multi-disciplines to tackle real-world issues
This sentence is amazing!
This essay has shown your overwhelming passion for math, and I am sure you a definitely good at it. Because the question to this essay is unknown, I am unable to comment much on the content. However, I am sure that whenever you mention vaguely about something, such as your goal, chances are you can elaborate more about them to make you claim sound more convincing. If you truly believe that there are many things you can do with math, why not talk about it?
G L~
Although I have corrected some very obvious errors, my revision is not at all perfect, please review it carefully.