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Personal Statement - Applying for Master in e-Business Management

dianaoctavia 1 / -  
Dec 28, 2019   #1
Hello everyone, please kindly help me to review and proofread my first draft for personal statement below. It will be used to apply for a master degree in e-business management at WMG. Your feedback will be very helpful for my improvement. Thank you so much!

leveraging my knowledge towards business and technology

Dear Sir or Madam:

I live in a country which is currently facing a technology disruption era, where businesses, mostly SMEs, are now transforming to more digitalised. The rapid growth of business and technology has triggered me to deepen my knowledge and practice for e-business. Hence, through this letter, I want to express my interest to enroll MSc e-Business Management (e-BM) program.

I graduated in October 2015 from XXX and awarded cum laude with final GPA x/4. In December 2015, I started my professional career as a Business Analyst at XXX, a diversified company which businesses are across Property, Hospitality, IT and Agribusiness. In the beginning of 2016, XXX invested in a B2B SaaS company named YYY and my journey in technology business company started here.

I started to learn about SaaS, technology, digital marketing, offline marketing as well as growth strategy in YYY. YYY is a B2B SaaS company which offers Human Resources, Accounting and Tax solution for SME in Indonesia. YYY has a vision to empower the growth of Small Medium Enterprises to the use of technology. YYY first value is Customer First, which means SMEs, as our customer, is our key for success. YYY vision is also aligned with the Indonesia's digital economy purpose, whereby, Indonesia targets to strengthen SMEs skills and networks through technology. Been working for almost 4 years at YYY, makes me believe believe that technology is a vital part to improve business performance, especially for SME, and I feel so grateful to get a chance of being one of the first tenth people who build YYY and see its rapid growth from the beginning.

Since 2016, I took a role as the marketer who was responsible to build the company's brand from zero. I focused to create the awareness to implement a cloud-based solution for SMEs businesses through online and offline channels, the key driver is by leveraging content marketing, such as educational blog, insightful seminars to SMEs tech conference. In 2018, I was appointed to be the project manager of the company's first biggest conference called as YYY Conference, with 4 months of preparation, I was able to lead the team gained our biggest success, gathering nearly 2,000 audiences, with more than 30 speakers in 3 different stages. Starting from October 2019, I have been rotated to the CEO Office team and being the Project Management Office, in 3 months I was succeed to lead 3 different projects which involved cross division within the company.

Working in a B2B SaaS company makes me realise that Indonesia's SME still on the phase where they have lack of knowledge and understanding about the importance of technology to their business growth, moreover, the cloud solution is still viewed with skepticism. I believe, SaaS industry is key player in SMEs' transformation and SaaS should be the educator to give clear understanding about how technology can benefit SMEs in many ways. This rapid growth of technology has shown a big impact to the business society in Indonesia in the last 5 years and the conventional business is now going modernized. These opportunities to grow and empower SMEs through technology have been my biggest motivation to obtain more knowledge regarding e-business. In addition to this, I need to obtain deeper knowledge and understanding in e-business, both theoretically and practically.

I, personally, want to give more contribution to the growth of Indonesia's digital economy ecosystem by leveraging my knowledge towards business and technology. I plan to continue working at B2B SaaS company to deliver real value and give the highest impact to the SME society through technology. In the future, I have an aspiration to be an e-business lecturer, as well as being a technopreneur. I believe, through lecturing I will be able to help Indonesia in preparing the next generation who will bring more success to the society. Being a part of M.Sc e-Business Management at ZZZ will be the accelerator to my success in the future.

To sum things up, I would utterly honoured if you accept my application and give me the chance to obtain higher study through this program. I thank you for taking the time to evaluate this application and I look forward to start my journey in ZZZ very soon.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Jan 10, 2020   #2
Diana, it would be best to be less wordy in your personal statement. An A4 size or 500 word essay would be best in this instance. Removing the information that will allow you to write a more impressive statement of purpose would allow you to better expand the personal side of this discussion, which should only cover the basis of the development of your interest in e-Business Management. The essay also fails to show that you are the kind of student that would excel in this program since you failed to indicate any academic accomplishments such as academic honors or competition placements. Your last paragraph should not be used because making a direct appeal to the reader does not help to increase the quality of your qualifications. As of now, the letter is a good draft, but in bad need of proper content editing and focus.

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