Personal Statement for MSc in Biochemical Engineering (only the intro)

Hey everybody!
I was comparing the lengths of my toenails when I had something which Kevin calls "a moment of inspiration". Immediately, I wrote down that "something" which I hope will be the introduction to my personal statement. Now I've got no idea whether such a style can be adopted for this type of essay. So I badly need some help. I'll consider everyone's suggestions, and if necessary, I'm ready to scrap the whole thing and start afresh.

"No", said my supervisor.
I animatedly said, "But sir, this is the best process. We can use waste sulphite substrate from paper mills as the raw material. So its benefits are twofold - clean fuel and waste disposal".

"I agree, but we cannot hope for large scale production; at least, not in the state of Assam", he reminded me.

That was the conversation I had with my supervisor after two months into the literature survey of my final year project. He had rejected my proposal to use fermentation as the ethanol production process. Although, I knew he was right, I was bitterly disappointed. The thought of microorganisms converting wastes into fuel had taken hold of my mind. In the couple of months that followed, I gradually decided to pursue higher studies in this field - the field of Biochemical Engineering.

Well, I don't think I have any better knowledge of that, but I'll try. First of all, I don't think yo should worry about the example because it sounds good and, typically, you can write an essay about pretty much anything--the first time you tasted mustard, if you wish--and dazzle the reader if you explain why you are talking about this one specific experience rather than any other one well enough. Well, anyway, as it is a "personal statement," it does seem as if you are making a statement (a personal one) and are being more formal rather than flamboyantly informal so I don't really see a problem here. Hopefully someone who as actually gotten out of High School will come along soon.

Here are some grammar suggestions, out of habit. I don't think it really matters since this is an uber-rough draft, but, what the hay.

"No," said my supervisor.
I animatedly said, "But sir, this is the best process: w e can use waste sulphite substrate from paper mills as the raw material. So its benefits are twofold - clean fuel and waste disposal".

"I agree, but we cannot hope for large scale production; at least, not in the state of Assam," he reminded me.

That was the conversation I had with my supervisor after two months into the literature survey of my final year project. He had rejected my proposal to use fermentation as the ethanol production process. Although, I knew he was right, I was bitterly disappointed. The thought of microorganisms converting wastes into fuel had taken hold of my mind. In the couple of months that followed, I gradually decided to pursue higher studies in this field - the field of Biochemical Engineering. (Dramatic Dash, nice. Were you asking if a dramatic style is appropriate? This is definitely Drama movie intro-worthy. I like it, at any rate.)