Statement of Objectives for MIT. Request for assessing.

Greetings, everyone.

I wish to joint the Ph.D. program at MIT.

The program requires a "Statement Of Objectives".

I have written two variants, and would appreciate help in assessing one of them. If you were the a member of admitting council, would you vote for admitting a student with such SoO.

I was trying to focus on my wish to conduct research and get my work published.

Dear Sir/Madam!

My name is Vladimir Nikishkin, I am from Russia and I want to join the Ph.D. program at MIT.

Why do I set MIT my top priority?

Because MIT EECS has no requirement for the GRE test, and it is too late to pass the test, as the results
will be delivered after the application deadline is passed.

I am still going to take the GRE, but it will only work for the next year, and I do not want to waste time.

Why do I want to join MIT?

Because it is one of the few English-speaking universities which conduct
research in Communication Complexity, which was the topic of my graduation work. "Amortized
communication complexity of an equality predicate problem."

I am presenting this work at the Computer Science in Russia Symposium in July 2013.

Originally, I expect to deepen my research in Communication Complexity during the Ph.D. program.
At the same time, I am open to discuss other research topics which I may be not aware of, and which are
both interesting to my expected mentor and related to the studies I had in my undergrad school.

My Master's thesis is more of a practical nature (Recognizing hand-drawn maps), and while I am still
going to publish the work, it will describe more of an engineering approach to cracking problems, than
deep the scientific knowledge.

My name is Vladimir Nikishkin, I am from Russia and I am writing to apply forwant to join the Ph.D. program at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT)MIT .

Why do I set MIT my top priority?

Because MIT EECS has no requirement for the GRE test, and it is too late to pass the test, as the results
will be delivered after the application deadline is passed. (This is not a good answer. You should talk about positive aspects of MIT and then say because of these advantages I want to apply to this good reputed university.)

I am still going to take the GRE, but it will only work for the next year, and I do not want to waste time(You should not write about the things that you do not have. This is a weak point and the admission committee will reject your application once they see this sentence. Do not write this) .

Why do I want to join MIT?

BecauseThe reason why I chose this university as the place for pursuing my career and study is that MITit is one of the few English-speaking universities which conduct research in Communication Complexity, which was the topic of my graduation work. The title of my xx (M.A or B.A) thesis was "Amortized communication complexity of an equality predicate problem." I am presenting this work at the Computer Science in Russia Symposium in July 2013.

You should write how MIT could help you to improve your academic skills. You wrote only one line to answer the question "Why do I want to join MIT". Talk about the opportunities that the university can provide you with, for example facilities and its special academic atmosphere OR faculty.

Hope this helps
have fun
Ahmad

I have rewritten the letter. Would anyone mind looking?

My name is Vladimir Nikishkin, I am from Russia and I am writing to apply for the Ph.D. program at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT).

Why do I want to join MIT?

The reason why I chose this university as the place for pursuing my career and study is that MIT it is one of the few English-speaking universities which conduct research in Communication Complexity, which was the topic of my graduation work. The title of my B.Sc. thesis was "Amortized communication complexity of an equality predicate." I am presenting this work at the Computer Science in Russia Symposium in July 2013.

My undergraduate institution, the MIPT, gives a broad education in the fields of physics and mathematics/computer science. Still, thay say that a Ph.D. program is about depth, not width. The faculty members at MIT are the people who not only studied the field, but the ones who used to build this field from the very beginning.

I thing, working with such people is the best possible way to enforce depth.

When I started writing my thesis I didn't know much about communication complexity. This was before the university course of Information theory. I digged through books and articles and eventually managed to find a topic I could improve.

MIT EECS is big. I hope it will be possible to learn relevant things faster because I will be able not only read through papers, but contact the faculty members conducting research in close topics.

I also hope, that my eagerness to learn and work will be helpful to the faculty members at EECS. I am always ready to help other students mastering any knowledge I posess a they want to learn.

I am able to work on a tight schedule. I proved it to myself, when an unfortunate situation happened at my family and I was obliged to leave the university campus one month earlier than the vacations begin(June). I expected to get expelled, but didn't give up. I managed to to study twice harder and finish all courses and pass all exams (10 total) the whole month earlier(April) than every other student. (Year 2011)

Hello,

I am not sure if you are serious here, but in case you are, I want to be very clear...this is NOT a good "Statement of Objectives." A Good PhD level application document should explain your research in detail and what direction you wish to take your research towards( How MIT will help you). This essay does not show any real academic prowess let alone of the level that would be required for admissions to MIT. Strengthen your essay by actually writing about some of your related experiences. -AAO

Hope this helps.

I would recommend you to be more specific and explain your plans.

I am a little confused. Is this a SOP (Statement of Purpose)?? Would you you please let us know what the prompt exactly asked you? If this is a SOP you should follow the template that I wrote below:

1) Introduction: Start it with an attractive statement. I recommend you to open the introduction with one of your personal experiences through which you found your interest in this field of study.

2) Body:
2.1. Talk about your educational background (Try to write about your personal experiences here for supporting what you claim)
2.2. State your professional background (if applicable)
2.3. Talk about your dreams and goals. Why are these your goals? In what research area you are going to study. And why did you choose MIT for pursuing your interests and goals. How can MIT help you to achieve your goals.

3. Conclusion: Finally write about the academic atmosphere of MIT and its facilities, as well as mention that you can shape your academic and career skills if you join this good reputed university.

You can organize the SOP in the way that you like but all these points should be covered.
One more time, please put the prompt here to other members give you better suggestions.
Google "Writing a great statement of purpose" to find valuable information for writing a SOP. In addition, read as many sample as you can to find out how you should write a SOP.

Sorry dear, but this is not a good introduction. I tried to write something for you. It may help you:
I was 9 when my father bought me my first computer. From that day on, computer became a part of my life. In fact, it became my close friend that helped me to do my homework, spend my free time by playing computer games, and it familiarized me with a new world, called the Internet. As time passed, I could see the fast progress of computer science and this dynamic nature of the science inspired me to pursue my education in the filed of xxx. When I was accepted to the university of XXX, in XX(year), as a bachelor computer science student I found myself in an atmosphere where everything stood in the basis of scientific investigations. This academic environment helped me to improve my research skills and, now, I want to continue this journey to reach my dream for being a successful researcher. I believe, studying as a graduate student in a good reputed university would take me one step closer to my goal. Therefore, I determined to study, in the field of xxx, at one of the best worldwide universities, MIT.

Do not list your experiences. Open a paragraph with a topic sentence. A paragraph, like an essay, needs an introduction. Topic sentence is the introduction of a paragraph. Elaborate on your research experiences. If you attended a conference you should mention it. If you published a paper, highlight it. Do not use too many "I am", "I have". Use different structures and statements.

Try to improve the body and then put your work here. I will help you to write your essay. Don't worry :))