If some one could please give me some insight on my essay for PA school, it will be greatly appreciated. This is what I have started on, just don't know where to go from here.
Becoming a Healthcare Provider has been a dream that I have worked hard to obtain all my life. I feel I can best serve people in the capacity of a Physician Assistant. The passion I have for caring and nurturing people has really motivated and driven me to the point I am in my life. As we live in times of uncertainty and economic despair it is very disheartening to know that there are people who cannot afford proper medical attention. It is quite disturbing knowing that people have to chose paying an electric bill or seeing a doctor for a medical condition. As a PA, I can do my part to give back to the communities that are suffering and the ones that are in dire needs for Healthcare Providers to reduce their cost to help. I will be able to reach back and provide some sort of relief financially to help take away the burden of deciding to see the physician or pay my utilities. I am aware of not being able to save the world, but if I can save one person as a PA, that would make it all worth it to me. Caring for people and providing them the medical attention they need is why I want to be a PA.
In my immediate family I am the first to attend and graduate from college. I also will be the first to obtain a masters degree and so this is why I continue to push my self to be successful. I also want to set a great example for my daughter by showing her that you can do anything you put your mind to no matter what obstacles are against you. At this point in my life I feel that I am at a better place mentally and physically to help others. I strive to be of service to my community and help those who can't help themselves. I have always been a hard worker, a go getter, and someone who loves people. Throughout all of my experiences I have sharpened my skills, gained new perspectives, knowledge, ideas, and encountered great people to help me develop into the person I am today. I will use what I have gained and what I have yet to learn to provide care to those who might otherwise have little or no access to quality healthcare. I will be a great PA because I am driven, ambitious, determined, and committed to providing great healthcare to patients. Just knowing that I can put a smile on my patient's face, putting their cares and concerns to rest, and providing answers to many challenging healthcare questions are among the many reasons I will strive to be an effective physician assistant.
Hi,
These are my suggestions;
Becoming a Healthcare Provider has been amy life long dream thatfor which I have worked really hard to obtain all my life . I feelalways believed that I can best serve my people in the capacity of a Physician Assistant. The passion I have for caring and nurturinghelping out people has reallybeen the main motivatedionand driventhat inspired me tothe point reach my current positionI am in my life. ??? ------- Tell briefly with one sentence what you intend to do in future and break for another para to explain it in detail
AswW e live in times of uncertainty and economic despair.Though it is very disheartening to knowwe have to acknolewdge that there are people who cannot afford proper medical attention. It is quite disturbing knowing that (this part sounds a bit repetitive) Some people have to choseare left with the choice between paying antheir electricity bill or and seeing the a doctor amedical condition . As a PA, I can do my partbest to give backcontribute to thesuch deserving communities that are suffering and the ones that are in a dire needs for Healthcare Providers toreduce their cost to help who could help them reduce medical costs .
I don't think healthcare provider should be capitalized here.
Becoming a Healthcare Provider has been a dream that I have ...
That first paragraph has excellent thoughtfulness and emotional appeal.
In my immediate family I am the first to attend and graduate from college. I also will be the first to ... Okay, excellent. this is a strong essay. Try to have logos, ethos, and pathos. You have pathos. That is emotional appeal. Next comes logos, which is logic; for this, I think it helps to explain a clear, detailed plan.
Then, ethos. This is where you show how motivated you are, not just motivated to do this program, but actually motivated to read many medical journal articles as you expand your knowledge. So, what have you been reading? You do not have to write a whole paragraph about a medical journal article; just mention what medical topics intellectually interest you lately while you describe your plan for sharing your love, your skill, your time, and making the world a better place.
I really like your approach and your ideas. That's why I want you to make it stronger. Reading the medical journals makes you confident, intuitive, excellent.
EF_Kevin
Thank you for your help!
