This the essay I wrote for my application to School of Visual Arts MFA Program
Below are their guidelines:
"Statement of purpose (250-500 words) describing the applicant's reason for pursuing graduate study"
"The immature mind hops from one thing to another; the mature mind seeks to follow through." Harry Overstreet's philosophy best defines my growth as an artist and student. At the age of eight, I spent most weekends drawing cartoons and creating toys with pieces of wood that my mother bought from the art store. My mother enrolled me in art classes and encouraged me to draw. Drawing has always given me a way to capture the world as I see it. The exposure of visual art at an early age has impacted my life until this day. I do not understand what makes me an artist, maybe it is my daily drawings, or maybe it is a natural gift.
My senior year of high school I was unsure what career I wanted to pursue, however, I knew it had to involve visual arts. I excelled in math, so upon entering college the obvious profession was architecture. It was a field trip to The Paul and Lulu Hilliard University Art Museum, with my professor Brian Guidry, where I saw a computer animation film that immediately incited my interest. The more I learned about myself, the more I realized that I have always had a passion for animation. During this moment I discovered I have taken the road less traveled and made decisions some people would not make. These experiences were required for me to learn that I need a certain level of maturity and motivation to be successful in life.
My interest in School of Visual Arts began when I saw rapper, Kanye West's music video "Heard 'em Say", animated and directed by Bill Plympton. His style of animation was unlike anything I have ever seen. It was so complex and astounding I began to explore his work which provided me with a better understanding of his creativity. My interest was aroused which inspired me to research other animators. My desire motivated me to enroll in Intro to Film, Experimental Animation, Cartooning and Photography, which enhanced my understanding of expanding animation through technique and storytelling.
With my strong traditional foundation and style I know that my talents will be an attribute to the growing field of computer art. My goal in the next five years is to graduate in May 2012 with my Masters of Fine Arts from School of Visual Arts, then immediately embark on my career as a 3D character modeler and animator. The reason that I want to enroll in the Master of Fine Arts program is to become the best computer animator that I can become. I have realized through careful research that your prestigious program will afford me the opportunity to fulfill my dream.
I think this is good because it explains your motivation but I think you should also write a paragraph about what you hope to gain (from the school specifically and the degree). For example, if they have the best 3D animation program in the country, you want to explain that and say that is what you are looking forward to getting out of the school. Because obviously you don't necessarily need to get an MFA to be an artist. It is the specific type of training and qualification that you want, I think.
Yeah I never thought about that, thank you. Other than that am I looking pretty good?
Is there anyone else who may be able to help me? I take all criticism well, plus I really need lots of help. The more the merrier!
I do not understand what makes me an artist, maybe it is my daily drawings, or maybe it is a natural gift.
I think it is important to choose the right sentence to place at the end of the first paragraph of an essay. This is a thoughtful sentence, but it does not prove anything or assert anything, and it sure isn't the main idea of the essay. I recommend putting the main idea of the essay here.
If you write other things, do not follow this rule if you don't want to. But for applications, it is respectful to follow the conventions of clarity. You should state succinctly what your purpose and intentions are at the end of that first para, and then in the conclusion para you should explain them thoughtfully. The rest of the essay -- the middle -- is a trip you prepare for the reader.
Hi,
I'm in the same boat as you, preparing SoPs. I give the same kind of feedback I'd like to get. Here it goes:
TheE xposure ofto visual art at an early age has impacted my life untilto this day.
Someone already said this but by the end of the first paragraph I should know what program you're applying to and generally what you want to study. Rework the end of the first paragraph.
Also, I think positive assertions, especially at key points (such as paragraph openings) in the statement are stronger than negative ones like: I was unsure... Maybe something about why you were certain that you wanted to do visual arts of some sort in college as the first sentence followed in another sentence by the fact that you had not settled on a specific area of study. Perhaps you could leave that out and go directly into the fact that math prompted you to study architecture.
Your reference to the road less traveled is very cliche and not explained. Architecture is this road? Visual arts is this road? What decisions did you make that others wouldn't and what inspired that?
The grammar in the first sentence of the third paragraph is funny with the commas. There does not need to be a comma before Kanye West, but there should be one before the name of his video. The grammar in the second sentence of the same paragraph is questionable (maybe I'm wrong) with mixing the tenses > it was unlike anything I had ever seen <
His style of animation was unlike anything I had ever seen;i t was so complex and astounding. I began to exploring his work which provided me with a better understanding of his creativity.
My interest was aroused,which inspired meI began to research other animators.
My goal in the next five years is to graduate in May 2012 withAfter earning my Masters of Fine Arts from School of Visual Arts, thenI will immediately embark on my career as a 3D character modeler and animator.
The last paragraph is missing something. Its a little wordy and you haven't mentioned what about that school has convinced you of your fit with that program, or why pursuing a graduate degree is even necessary. The courses or faculty, or even the opportunity to grow from seeing how others frame the world through art and not the prestige of the school will help you fulfill your dream. Be more concrete about that program.
The reason that I want to enroll in the Master of Fine Arts program will help me become the best computer animator that I can become. I have realized through careful research that your prestigious program will afford me the opportunity to fulfill my dream.
Writing styles vary, don't lose your voice to incorporate my suggestions.
Your statement really shined in the second paragraph. Please tie in the quote from the beginning with 1) the conclusion and 2) your actual progression as an artist. Since the mature mind follows through, how does your going from architecture to animation represent that?
I hope something in this was helpful!
Best of luck to you :)
Wow, that was EXTREMELY helpful. I really appreciate that bankafirekn1ght and Kevin. I'm going to look it over and take what you guys said into consideration.
