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I am an undergraduate from Electrical background with 1.5 years of experience; Statement of purpose

Envisuste 1 / 10  
Nov 6, 2014   #1
Hello guyz,
I am applying for MS in environment and Sustainable in u.s but the only problem is that i am an undergraduate from Electrical background with 1.5 years of experience and have not undergone a proper course in environment or Sustainable development.I have to major in this field and then go for doctorate but no idea how to start my sop as my all courses and projects and internship were in Electrical. Help guyz.

So, heres my story.. Electrical and electronics engineer from bit, mesra got into one of the steel company in india through campus placement. Here i got exposed to such working environment that i was having asthamatic symptoms, which i had in my childhood. In steel industry, asbestos dust is very common which everyone try to preclude but in my company, its a trademark you cant even see the road after 50meters and on top of that the conveyor belts are laid out in the whole site but bonus point is that coal, coke, its fine dust keep falling from it.In Addition to it i am in raw material division, where from different countries and state coal, limestone etc comes and piled at different places. There's a machine called stacker which stacks or reclaims these materials as per the requirement of plant. So, here i come in maintainence and supervising of this machine. Eventually, i am so fed up with this company regarding the environment, health and safety. In my working area, theres lot of dust, dirt and no proper sanitation not even in the office building. One has to cover his mouth with hankerchief all day.

If you wont u wud end up as sharukh khan of koyla every day. Professionals from different steel companies come for installing new devices and they say this is worst environment conditions they have ever worked in. So, i have decided to major in environment health and safety from rochester institute of technology and since Sustainable is also important part of environment progressiveness.its also on my list. By the way i have enrolled myself for nebosh(national examination of occupational health and safety) international diploma in health and safety which is a governing body in uk. Secondly, enrolled myself for post graduate diploma in environmental and Sustainable from ignou but no in hand certificate at present. Your advice is appreciated.
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Nov 6, 2014   #2
Wow! You are going to have to spin an almost impossible web of tales in order to get into the program you are applying to because there is nothing in your work experience or background that relates to it. That is, unless, you can provide the admissions officer with a connection between your work in Electrics with the objectives and goals of a master student in Ms Environment. Tell you what, if you can give us a brief history of your electrical background, specifically what course you graduated from, and the complete title of the Ms degree you are applying to, we might be able to find a way to help you connect the two unrelated fields of study. It is a long shot but we can try to find a field of study, no matter how small or distant, that can somehow relate the two interests. That way, we may be able to use your almost 2 years work experience in the field of electronics. By the way, don't forget to detail the work experience you currently have. That is the only way we can try to find a possible common ground between the two. It is an impossible task at the moment, but we might be able to find a way to somehow make it work for you.
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Nov 6, 2014   #3
Thank you for the swift response.
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Nov 6, 2014   #4
Envisuste, although it will be a difficult to do, I believe that we can put a spin on your work experience which can relate to a masters degree in Sustainability and Environmental Managemetn Am I right that you are applying for acceptance in that field? Your description of the major was quite vague and the title was incomplete for the masters degree so I had to Google it and look it up. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Anyway, I think you can start with discussing your current work experience and how it has affected your work environment. Clearly mention the occupational hazards that are constantly in your presence and the effects of those dangers on your health and the health of your co-workers. What you need to be able to prove in your SOP is that there is a direct connection between your experience in the electrical field (as an engineer?) and the sustainability and environmental factors you work in. Remember that with a masters in this course, you will be able to determine the critical factors that affect the air, water, climate, and sustainability and environmental management of the ecosystems around us. As a person familiar with the electrical field, you should be able to discuss the importance of handling contaminants and the natural assets of your work surroundings. If you have somehow presented some ideas as to how you have already been applying such solutions to your current work practice, you might just be able to present a solid SOP. Can you try to write a draft SOP using my suggestions just so we can see how it looks? From there we can work on better aligning it with the needs of the SOP for this particular field.

I did not say it would be easy to make the connection between the two fields but if you are willing to work with me towards somehow connecting the two, we just might be able to pull this off for you :-) Let's try to work together on it :-) What do you say?
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Nov 7, 2014   #5
Thank you for the enthusiastic reply. So heres my draft in which i try to connect my experience with the environment study.
Although, being an Electrical engineer requires the skills and abilities to properly connect one form of energy to another energy, the essence of this task lies in how effeciently one can have this 'energy' get flowing i.e without any extraneous loss. Isn't that the fundamental principle of the nature, air, water, land intermingling with each other to produce a progressive climate. And when this natural process is disturbed we hear of natural calamities. Therefore, all i am trying to say that if we can control the elements of nature we could bolster our earth.

vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Nov 7, 2014   #6
Is there a word limit on your statement of purpose? Why is your draft so short? It sounds more like you are presenting a theory rather than a purpose for your study. Tell you what, try to write the essay using the following guideline:

1. Ask yourself, what the possible connection is between your career and sustainability and environment management?
2. Find the direct connection between the two and then list the reasons they connect (HINT: It has something to do with the way electricity and the way we use it affects our environment)

3. Develop a strong reason as to why this connection needs to be dealt with in your line of work.
4. Find the reason why a masters degree in the field of sustainability and environment management is necessary in order to deal with the issues of your professional career.

5. Discuss these reasons in relation to your short term goals.
6. Plan your long term goals and discuss.
7. Conclude the essay.

Once you have written an essay according to this format, post it here and we will review it again to see how we can make it work better :-) The current version that you posted just does not fit the requirements of a statement of purpose.
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Dec 11, 2014   #7
Academic Statement of Purpose
In my quest to make a significant contribution towards the advancement in science and technology, I envision myself furthering the good of mankind as well pushing the boundaries of knowledge. I am applying for the Master of Science program at Institute Of Technology with the aim of achieving my goal with unyielding commitment, diligence and dedicated education and research.

I am a graduate student with a Bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering from Institute of Technology, India. The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort,but where he stands at times of challenge.Fortunately,I have faced a lot of them and left no stones unturned in my career path.Through my hard work I gained entry into Institute Of technology-one of the most prestigious technical schools in India.

My application to Institute Of Technology for my MS in Sustainable Engineering and Environment,Health and Safety is based upon my realization of my areas of interest that have developed over my undergraduate term.

OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Dec 12, 2014   #8
PLease help vangiespen!!!!!!!!!!!! Awaiting for your reply....
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Dec 13, 2014   #9
The first half of your SOP is irrelevant to your application. You should begin your essay with the below paragraph instead:

That is the portion of your application that directly relates to your desire for further studies in the field of Sustainable and Environment Engineering. The main objective you have to accomplish in the succeeding paragraphs of your essay is to create a believable connection between your college major, current field of work, and your desired masters degree. Once you accomplish that, you will be able to credibly apply for the program.

- This is totally irrelevant to the criteria being considered in a statement of purpose. Omit this paragraph entirely.

Merge the part I quoted above with these paragraphs and you should have a more effective SOP. Please splice the paragraphs together and post the new version here so that I can better analyze and edit it for you :-)
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Dec 13, 2014   #10
My undergraduate major in Electrical Engineering have exposed me to its variegated and myriad sub fields-Sustainable and Environment. Though a major in Electrical, I have a solid base in the Energy generation, transmission and Distribution which is the fundamental base of the Sustainable and Environment Cycle.

vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Dec 13, 2014   #11
An assistantship will surely go a long way in furthering my motivation and will give me direction of purpose to achieve my goals.

- Do not apply for a job in your statement of purpose. Your purpose here is to prove that you are capable of completing the masters course even though you have no background in it. Applying for an assistant position out of the blue, with no apparent connection to the rest of the essay will hurt your application.

- Discuss the research project you look forward to conducting using the university resources instead. That is the only way that you can show that you have the potential to perform and accomplish the requirements of this course sans and proper academic background and work experience.
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Dec 13, 2014   #12
So ur telling me that i have to add one paragraph of relating my future research study with the university's? And that will be all? I am really bored to death writing this sop...and i am glad that you are helping me..
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Dec 13, 2014   #13
Yes, add the section that I am referring to in the previous thread and delete the portions that I am advising you to omit. Those simple edits should produce a better essay. A statement of purpose can truly get boring to write in the drafting stages. Imagine having to do that numerous times until you get it done right, that is what this kind of writing and editing entails. Getting bored is not an option for you because you need to be able to direct this essay in a manner that will assist your application even though your credentials are not only lacking, but not even directly connected with your chosen masters program. I expect that this essay will undergo at least 2-3 more revisions before you may decide that it is already usable for your purpose. Be patient and bear with me. Don't let boredom get the better of you because it is your future that will suffer if you cave in to it.
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Jan 6, 2015   #14
My undergraduate major in Electrical Engineering have exposed me to its variegated and myriad sub fields-Sustainable and Environment. Though a major in Electrical, I have a solid base in the Energy generation, transmission and Distribution which is the fundamental base of the Sustainable and Environment Cycle. The charm of extending the frontiers of knowledge in rapidly growing field of Sustainability and Environment has induced in me an interest to pursue for higher studies. To satiate this curiosity and to embark upon a rewarding career in this field, I consider graduate study in Sustainable Engineering a prime requisite.

vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Jan 7, 2015   #15
Omit the detailed description of your previous projects and how you accomplished the goals. Just mention that you were involved in such a project and what the outcome of the project was. Mention your participation in the project, but not in the method you have done so now. Your extremely detailed description of your participation in these projects have made the essay extremely long and redundant. Keep it simple. Name the project, what your role was, what the outcome was. For example," I participated as the battery operator in a simulated banana powered battery experiment which was conducted with successful results." That simple, that informative. This way you can provide and draw more attention to the future project that you wish to undertake. Detailing the method by which the university facilities will be able to help you achieve the best results in the process. Your drive and desire to attend the university should be brought up to an earlier part of the paragraph. Maybe the introduction or second paragraph. Wherever you feel it will work best. What is important, is that you give out that important information early within the essay, hopefully as part of the hook that you need to reel in the reader.
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Jan 8, 2015   #16
Omit all references to your college background. Your essay works best without it. At this point, we are trying to sell you as a possible candidate for graduate school based upon your work experience merits. Don't remind the admissions officers that you are not academically qualified for the masters course you are applying to. That portion of the essay also removes the impact that the earlier portions of your narrative created which, I might add, was quite beneficial to your application. Don't keep trying to insert your college education into this statement because, as you said, you did not finish a college course relevant to the masters degree you are applying to. Why would you want to lessen your chances for consideration by offering information that is not being asked for in the first place? Just present the purpose of your application, then, based upon the 4 guide questions I gave you earlier, cut down the length of your essay to only the most salient points that will work to your benefit. Again, remove the reference to your college education. That does not help your application in any way. Next, about the project that you discussed, you need to create a connection between the masters course you are taking and that project. Without the connection, the statement just does not make sense and only serves to clutter the page and confuse the reader.
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Jan 8, 2015   #17
with reference to omiting my college reference background,Wont the admission officers will recognise that I am an individual that believes in the holistic improvement? I dint waste any of my summer breaks during my college time and you are saying to me to just omit them.Isn' t it better that I somehow Connect it to the masters course going to be undertaken?
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Jan 8, 2015   #18
No. Not when it is not related at all to the masters course of studies that you are trying to gain admission to. Remember that you do not have a college background that will relate to the logical next step for your career. You are basically changing careers totally, and skipping returning to college in order to complete a related degree before you take masters studies in the process. Remember that you admitted yourself that you do not have the background to connect your masters interest with your college academics. So why use information that would just make the admissions officers wonder what you will be doing in the masters course or, even more importantly, make them question your ability to complete the course in the proper manner. Since you do not have a background in it among other shortcomings on your part for your admission to the line of study, you should downplay it as much as possible rather than highlight it. It will not be an asset to your statement of purpose. Believe me, it won't work. I already told you in the past that you need at least 2 years of RELATED professional experience before you apply to this line of study. You told me you don't have the background for it. I am trying to help you spin your statement of purpose into what might become an acceptable essay for the admissions officer given your lack of qualifications for admission. If you wish to really include your college information then so be it. I won't try to change your mind about it. I will just support you if you want to do that. Use the essay as it is, in its current form. If we follow your line of reasoning, then this essay is ready for submission.
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Jan 9, 2015   #19
Please look out the two new major edits that i have done---first one is,as u told me to do,to connect the future research project with the major.And second is the relationship of my industrial training with my major.Awaiting for you response.

My undergraduate major in Electrical Engineering have exposed me to its variegated and myriad sub fields-Sustainable and Environment. Though a major in Electrical, I have a solid base in the Energy generation, transmission and Distribution which is the fundamental base of the Sustainable and Environment Cycle. The charm of extending the frontiers of knowledge in rapidly growing field of Sustainability and Environment has induced in me an interest to pursue for higher studies. To satiate this curiosity and to embark upon a rewarding career in this field, I consider graduate study in Sustainable Engineering a prime requisite.

During my final semester I worked on Hybridisation Of Ultra Capacitors to create a smart power System and also on the use of a battery-supercapacitor hybrid connection to improve run-time in mobile applications.

First,Through a critical survey of the literature for the supercapacitors energy storage system for improvement of power quality of different systems;an overview has been presented, such as to provide ride through, stabilization of power system, to make power dispatchable, to improve power quality of weak transportation system,in stand alone for the short term outage,have been discussed. Therefore, it would prove a good energy storage option for power quality maintenance purpose with power conditioning system despite high cost,life span and its efficiency being very high.

Second,The run-time extension is achieved due to the reduction in the battery internal losses. The direct battery-supercapacitor parallel connection method was proposed and evaluated.It was shown that by the parallel connection of battery and supercapacitor, a decrease in battery current of 20.9% was possible.Thus, this has the effect of increasing the battery run time.

Rochester Institute Of Technology has always been at the forefront in the field of Sustainable Engineering. The exemplary faculty and the extraordinary research work conducted at GIS have convinced me that it is the perfect platform for me to pursue my goals. I am deeply impressed with the work done by the NPRL(Nano Power research Lab) and NYSP2I(New York State Pollution Prevention Institute) group at the x. I believe with my background in Electrical engineering I could contribute immensely to the research of new materials and devices for power generation and storage for micro-electronic and micro -electromechanical systems. At the same time I will be exposed to the array of new technologies currently in use and thus it leaves no doubt that Rochester Institute of Technology would be an intellectual Utopia for me. I would also like to study under Professors Dr. X and Dr. Y and feel that my own interests are well aligned with their work.The purpose and ultimate goal of my research project shall focus on the fundamental development and testing of a300 Wh/kg CNT-based battery. The ability to utilize carbon nanotubes allows for a 2X increase over today's current battery energy density. Specifically, the program developments will lead to fabrication of such cells using CNT electrodes with enhanced performance. It is expected that suitable electrode designs will maximize battery energy and power density while preserving cycle performance.Since Engineering for Sustainable development is a multi criteria decision making process that involves the identification of the most optimal sustainable process,which satisfies economic,ecological,social criteria as well as safety and health requirements. Certain difficulties are encountered when Sustainable development is applied such as ill defined criteria, scarcity of information, lack of process specific data,metrics,and the need to satisfy multiple decision makers.I hope Research centre at Rit will help me to develop new approach/methodology to overcome these difficulties.

My decision to apply for M.S. in Sustainable Engineering was not a quick decision. It has been built over a long time with deep thinking and continuous sought. It started when I attended summer Industrial trainings. My first training was with Oil and Natural Gas Corporation where I studied the cogeneration plant comprehensively. The objective was to analyze the performance of the gas turbine employed in the plant and calculate its maximum efficiency and then analyze the various industrial limitations which prevent the plant from running at full efficiency. My second training was at Tata Motors Limited, Where I carried out a comprehensive ARC Flash analysis, to provide correct data for appropriate labeling of the electrical Panels in Facility. This Labeling dictates the level of PPE (Personal Protective Equipment) and distance that must be maintained while working on exposed live parts. The arc flash study and the Labeling of panels are the cornerstone of Electrical safety management system. To Sum up, the major in Engineering for sustainable development would have helped me in breaking down the task into three major steps,starting with life cycle assessment(LCA) of the process, followed by generation of non-dominating alternatives,and finally selecting the most sustainable process by employing an analytical hierarchical selection process.

After graduating First class(Distinction) with a CGPA of 7.03 on a scale of 10, I joined Bhushan Steel Limited, an Indian Steel Manufacturing major through rigorous campus placement process. I underwent a rigorous training process at this corporation. This training included an intensive 4 week apprentice training where a wide range of subjects pertaining to the Steel industry were taught and we received hands-on training in the Field to understand the various difficulties encountered by the workers as well the limitations of the machinery.

I am currently working as a Junior manager in the Raw Materials Handling department. My commodity is Stacker cum Reclaimer and I personally handle parts like Generators,Motors,Hydraulics and Overall Safe working of the machine and labors which are present on this machine. The further stages involve maintaining Environment,Health and Safety, an important part of the job as the Raw materials site is in itself very dusty(Asbestos dust), which is the inherent hazard in this sector .With this job I hope to get a significant amount of industrial exposure and insight into the working of the steel sector.

Because of being involved in a Hazardous workplace and the kind of environment which I am exposed to in my daily job routines I decided to gain Highly recognized Nebosh(National Examination board of occupational health and safety) diploma recognised by professional membership bodies including the Institution of Occupational Safety and Health (IOSH)], the International Institute of Risk & Safety Management (IIRSM) and the Institute of Environmental Management and Assessment (IEMA) to have a professional knowledge in this field,so that I could actually efficate the proper Working conditions and behavior of workers towards the Health and safety.Furhthermore, During my job I realized that I am an individual who's interested in multi-disciplinary field and gets enticed by the idea of correlating chemistry,biology,electrical etc. elements in a workplace.

My persistent drive and a deep rooted desire for innovation and original research are the characteristic traits that, in my opinion, indicate my fit into this esteemed university. My exposure to different aspects of technology, due to my technical projects and my practical exposure to the industrial world, provides me with the factor that sets me apart from other applicants of the same caliber. I would like to pursue a career wherein I can work towards the welfare of the society by application of my engineering knowledge and I believe INSTITUTE would be a stepping stone to this career.

Desiring to keep myself abreast of the latest developments in the field of Sustainable and Environment,the aim of achieving perfection has been the main reason for opting to apply for your University.
vangiespen - / 4,133 1449  
Jan 9, 2015   #20
I see only one version of the essay posted in this thread. It is actually a version that can actually work in your favor. While still too long, I believe that you can already use it. How well it will be received by the admissions officers though is what I am not able to predict. I believe that you should delete the reference to the project that you participated in while in college in order to bring down the word count, tighten the essay, and focus the reader only upon the most important aspects of your statement of purpose. Without that college project paragraph, the essay feels like it flows better and leaves the reader better informed about your potential to succeed in this field sans and related work experience or education on your part.
OP Envisuste 1 / 10  
Jan 9, 2015   #21
Thank you!!!! you inputs have been very helpful to my essay...will do the necessary changes.At last I have to add few lines about my undergraduate College ranking and few strong points to offset the GRE marks.As I scored a lil low from the bar but the college advisor says we have admitted students in past,so IF YOU CAN HELP ME with starting phrases to tackle this situation would be helpful!!!! My College ranking is among top 15 in my country.Awaiting...

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