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Metaphors in essay? Or similies or personification?


aznpoo 7 / 23  
May 15, 2007   #1
I love using these three to spice up my writing, but usually in essay this may confused some people. My teacher advises me to not use metaphor, keep it simplistic and clear. Of course I want my writing to be understandable, but I don't want it to be too "clear", I want it to be interesting rather than a dull essay filled with facts.

For example:

"Like an iceberg, Polonius showing only 1/8th of his character above the surface"

Teacher edit: "Polonius is a mischievous man"

teacher: Remove all [urlc=hhttps://essayforum.com/grammar/metaphor-constantly-hearing-using-daily-lives-182/]metaphors[/url], similies that could distract someone. To make this more understandable and clear.

Me: Truly I don't see any problem, I think that sentence is not confusing at all. (Maybe I'm stubborn). My teacher edits is definitly more clear...but too plain and not my writing style.

I'm not sure, but is my sentence in passive voice or active voice? My teacher edit is definitly active voice.
EF_Team2 1 / 1,708  
May 16, 2007   #2
Greetings!

Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to roll your eyes and do it your teacher's way. ;-) (And then go back to writing the way you like after the class ends.)

Your sentence "Like an iceberg, Polonius showing only 1/8th of his character above the surface" is in active voice; however, the verb is not complete. You would need to say "is showing" or "shows."

Judging writing can be fairly subjective, and reasonable minds may differ. Personally, for what it's worth, I think you are right and your teacher is wrong; but in order to make a decent grade in the course, you're going to have to do it the teacher's way (sigh).

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com
chessman567 5 / 170 11  
Apr 22, 2014   #3
Metaphor for the impermanence of life

Hey guys,

Do you guys have a metaphor/simile for the impermanence of life, of how life is always changing?

Here's the sentence I presently have: I was trapped by the limits of my own naivety and unworldliness, my life like grains of sand being blown across a desert plain, ever shifting, ever changing.

However, I was hoping you guys have help improve that or think of a better metaphor?
mvmlima 1 / 2 1  
Apr 23, 2014   #4
You can make references to chameleons because of their appearance change.


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