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Posts by ericao2010
Joined: Dec 29, 2009
Last Post: Jan 8, 2012
Threads: 12
Posts: 32  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 44 / page 2 of 2
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ericao2010   
Jan 2, 2010
Scholarship / SMU Hunt Scholarship Essay-- How should I start???? [7]

PROMPT: "Based on your understanding of leadership, how would you use your leadership abilities as a member of a college community?" (MAX OF 2-3 PAGES)

How should I start out my essay? Should I begin my essay with my own definition of leadership or is that too trite?? Or should I state a little bit about my own experience as a leader?

Any ideas would be most appreciated!!!
ericao2010   
Jan 2, 2010
Undergraduate / U of Chicago: Why Chicago? "I have always looked beyond" [4]

This is a spectacular essay! You answered the question and even went beyond that by writing a little about your career interest. I really enjoyed reading your essay. One thing I would suggest though is that if you are going to end your essay saying "I am confident I can flourish as not only as a student...but also as a thinker, an innovator, a disciple and leader" you should probably write a few sentences about you being a leader or disciple.

Anyway best of luck on your apps!:)
ericao2010   
Dec 30, 2009
Undergraduate / "nothing ever gets handed to you" - Rice Perspective Essay [4]

ESSAY PROMPT: The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Two double-spaced pages)

Any criticism is highly appreciated...Should I add or delete anything??? FEEDBACK would be great. Thanks!!!!

"Always fight for what you want because nothing ever gets handed to you," I told my sister one day. Coming from a Nigerian culture where people have to strive to get one dollar, I know that there is truth in these words. Raised by a single mother and the oldest of three siblings, I have experienced daily what it is like to have to go after what I want. Therefore, coming into Rice, I will contribute a determined and passionate attitude to achieve my academic endeavors but also disperse my cultural diversity and life experiences into the Residential College System.

In my home country, Nigeria, people sometimes have to beg or steal just to eat. There is famine everywhere and lack of resources to improve it. My mom told me a few weeks ago that when she called my grandma she said that prices on food had skyrocketed. Foods that were cheap before became too expensive to buy. In such desperate situations, some people are forced to be what we call the "419" or in other words thieves, robbing and sometimes killing people to get money so that they can buy food and other necessities.

I look at this situation and think to myself, what if I was living there at this moment? The same circumstance could be happening to me. Because it is not, I am resolute to make sure that I have a better life, not only because I want to but to also give back to my country. I want the students living on campus at Rice to know why I put so much effort into my studies. Telling them about my culture's situation will give them better insight to understand where I am coming from.

Not growing up in the ideal home of two parents to raise me, I have always been raised by my mother. She did not work because she was disabled so my siblings and I coped with government benefits. I was not able to receive most luxury items like other kids. Instead, I received what I could, which was not much but enough at that time. Other items like food and bills were more important. Day by day I wondered why do my family and I have to be in a situation where we have to manage month to month because we do not have enough? The eye opener came when my family and I lost our house and we did not have a dime. Everybody who we thought that was there for us shunned us. We had to fight through this tribulation ourselves. At this moment I knew that I did not want to live like this for the rest of my life. So I strived in school daily to make sure that I make something of my life. I was determined to fight to get what I want and nothing was going to stop me from doing just that.

Knowing that I did not want what happened to my family and I to happen to someone else, I made sure to help my peers at school. Whether it was homework or giving advice, I was there to do it. At Rice, I want the students to see my unique life experience as a guide of hope. I will contribute my time to help students who are going through a tough time or who just need company. I want to be there for those who need it.

Several life experiences and cultural traditions have shaped in what I believe in and more significantly, who I am as a person. I have learned that to get what I want means that I need to fight for it. Entering into the life at Rice, I will be determined to achieve my academic goals and share my cultural diversity and life experiences with the students in the Residential College System.
ericao2010   
Dec 29, 2009
Undergraduate / CMU SUPPLEMENT- CMU for Econ (why you've chosen the major) [3]

I love your essay. You consistently answer the prompt throughout the essay. The only suggestion I will like to make is this:

By the end of ourmy junior year in high school, weI had to pick ourmy senior year course selections. Seeing "economics" on the list, I signed up for it. I knew it was time to decode my mother's fascination.

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