Scholarship / essay for master scholarships (NZAID); New Zealand & universities [6]

dear all, please give me advice for my scholarships essay, i will apply it this month. I am not confident at all with this essay.

In no more than 500 words (on a separate sheet of paper) describe the specific skills and knowledge you want to gain from your proposed study and how this study will contribute to the role and responsibilities of your current and/or future job;

Based on many information that I got, New Zealand has many top universities in the world. Most of those universities have excellent quality, especially in engineering. As civil engineering student, I wish I can get the best education, lecturer that I cannot get in Indonesia in civil engineering. Also, after I read New Zealand's universities blog, I found lecturers that is really open mind, and the most important is their research is really concern in recycling waste material.

This point very encourages me to take study in there. For all Indonesian people know, today, in Indonesia many people live in bad condition with bad environment. Furthermore, much more people are homeless, live in dirty place with thousands ton rubbish surround them. Other people live crowded area with unsuitable house. This problem comes because of many people have lack money so, they can buy the appropriate house for living. This causes many other problems, such as, children diseases, the increasing of homeless etc. Those is increasing year by year. In other hands, temperature and weather in Indonesia change unstably. This is because global warming that causes of many factories activities to product industrial material.

For all reasons above, I want to be an engineer that can recycle many waste things-waste materials for building, to be the useful things especially for house living for many people in Indonesia. Recycling is not only for economically reasons but also for earth life reason. Actually, waste material is in research too in here, but the improvement of this research is still bad. This is because of many main reasons-limited lab tools, limited litteratures, and limited money for research. Those reasons are very urgent for thousands researcher in Indonesia.

This is much different from New Zealand that has good management in in recycling rubbish and waste material. Moreover, I read the current research in many universities in there that actually much higher qualified than many research in here in the same field with my future research. So, by receiving this scholarship I hope I can improve my skill in recycling waste material to be the useful one. Even though, this is just a small think that I can do, I hope I can provide the more economical living place for many people that is unlucky to have proper house to grow their children. I think the way to help human is by full fill their primer needs such as house and food.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: solution for arresting traffic & pollution?; 'proper mass transportation' [5]

Dear all, please comment my writing, because i will take IELTS in this month so, I need your suggestion to repair my bad writing. Thanks

best regards,
aji

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
what other measures do you think might be effective

Petrol is the main component in running vehicle. Therefore, many people think that if the price of petrol rises, inhabitant will think twice to use their vehicle or stop to buy it. So, the pollution will be reduced.

Moreover, if the petrol is getting more expensive, people will try to looking for another alternative transportation that is cheaper-public transportation. Public transportation helps city to reduce the number of cars and motorcycles. This causes reducing of transportation volume, then this reduces traffic jam.

However, This does not proved in many developing countries, for example Indonesia. In the last ten years of Yudhoyono's era, the price of petrol has increased three times. The increasing of price is up to 50%. But this does not give big influence of selling petrol. Furthermore, the number of vehicles is rising. This causes of many reasons such as the price of cars and motorcycles that is cheaper, the ease in credit of cars and motorcycles and the last factor is the bad facilities in public transportation. Moreover, if the petrol's price solution is only works poor people not the rich people.

So, based on reasons above, there are many other factors that have to be considered beside the petrol's price. According to Transportation Department's research, the best solution to overcome traffic jam is providing good public transportation. The research's result said that people choose their own car, because they are not satisfied with facilities in public transportation-safety, comfort, speed. if three main factors in public transportation is fixed, people are more attracted to leave their own vehicle that is often trapped by traffic jam, and choose public transportation.

Hence, I do not agree if the high price for petrol is the best solution. The most effective solution for transportation problem is proper mass transportation for all people, that is proved success in many countries-Malaysia, Australia, etc.