Posts by srandhawa

srandhawa

Oct 28, 2009

Undergraduate / Biology, "mock trial" - University of Michigan Essay [15]

any comments appreciated, does this really reveal something to you, are there any badly used words? Does it seem off topic, do you have a sense of understanding what I'm saying in the last para? just some fodder for thought, but any impressions and comments you have are welcome. Thanks alot.

srandhawa

Oct 28, 2009

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 1 - "Only Child" [4]

its not a bad essay, but not a great one, you do what you have to, but there is nothing lasting about this, alot of these are just generalizations that could be implied for alot of different essays. Also, while I like the idea of trying to incoroprate another term/phrase in your essay, I don't think "surival of the fittest" really works, sounds artificial and doesn't really enhnace the essay the way you would like. Nothing really jumps out, not the story or what you try to convey to the reader with this essay, this is the type of essay that could use a stronger intro and I think your analysis in the last two paragraphs is also to general. Don't talk about so much as what you want in the future, focus more on you now and how the experiences in the past have shaped you. Finally, be a little more creative in describing your dreams. Don't mean to go on and on tearing this essay apart, as I said its not bad, but you want something more lasting.

srandhawa

Oct 28, 2009

Undergraduate / Common App Activity- Lack of team spirit in college Science Team [4]

i agree with the above opinion, you have to make this relate to you, why you are passionate, why you want to continue, most importantly, how this has changed you. Your focus should be more on what you ended your essay with and the effect the science team has had on you, not the details about it in such a short essay

srandhawa

Oct 28, 2009

Undergraduate / Biology, "mock trial" - University of Michigan Essay [15]

College of Literature, Science, and the Arts (LSA) What led you to choose the area(s) of academic interest that you have listed in your application to the University of Michigan? If you are undecided, what areas are you most interested in, and why?

The message behind curiosity had been an enigma to me for so long. Where was it leading me? Why was it so undefined? How could I use its power? I was hapless by the depth of this thought.

Two and a half years ago, I did work looking at kidneys from the deceased but was too overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of what I was encountering; it was a situation I had created in my mind. I was too intimidated to progress any further.

This past summer, I did lab work attempting to inhibit growth of BK virus through various drugs. I was immersed in my subject; every drug provided a powerful opportunity, a voice that I refused to ignore. I would spend hours scrutinizing potential effects of every drug and even more time bombarding my lab assistant with ideas and questions. I had no other motive than to indulge my curiosity. I had every scenario played out in my mind before I even started and gave each considerable importance. My determination was bounded by a suppression to not just learn, but to want.

The result of this scrutinizing process: abject failure. Once again, I was simply dominated by the subject. I was paralyzed, I had no answers. The power of these drugs and the nature of the BK virus replication seemed implausible. It was this challenge to my sense of plausibility that left me powerless.

It was the dominant nature of this subject that allowed me to realize just how dynamic it was, but all this did was strengthen my compulsion to find answers. The challenge presented to my curiosity ignited an interest unlike any I have ever had. As it turns out, curiosity need not lead me anywhere, curiosity is the one thing compatible with science and will lead to mediums where I can find answers; however undefined they may first appear to be.