Writing Feedback / Living away from family home while attending university - Advantages and Disadvantages - Task 2 [2]


This should have been followed up with the 2 short reasoning presentation. It could have read; "... In terns of *reason 1) and (reason 2)". That presentation would have delivered a solid writer's opinion followed by a strong reasoning foundation.

The first reasoning statement supports a positive outlook for the opinion. That is wrong. It should have delivered the reason as a positive, but actually negative impact on the student. That is the type of reasoning used in a single opinion presentation, which is what this prompt asked you to write.

It is because of this main error that major TA scores will be deducted from your final score. The essay was under developed since only one reason out of 2 actually supported your point of view. A higher score could have been considered if both reasons supported your single opinion presentation.

Writing Feedback / Level of satisfaction - Line graph - IELTS WARRIOR [2]


There are several types of graphs. The line graph, the bar graph, the columnar graph, to name but a few. So you gave a general image reference once again, without considering the type of image represented. This will result in point deductions for your summary overview. Familiarize yourself with the types of images used in the Task 1 essay. It will pay off for your score in the long run. Good work on the trending section though. It was an accurate summary of the given information.

The second paragraph is short by 1 sentence of meeting the required number of sentences in a paragraph. You could have added information by referencing the areas where the measurements overlap. Those are bonus scoring references because most writers do not pay attention to the overlapping sections of the image. Referencing those indicate that you took the time to actually analyze the image and provide a proper observation of the given information.

Writing Feedback / Village of Bunborough in the present day and plans for the village in 2024 - Map - Task 1 [2]


This is an automatic failing TA score. Why? You totally misrepresented the given image. Yes, there were 2 illustrative maps provided. You got that right. What you got wrong was the time frame. These are both set in the past. Yet you did a full cut an paste of the time frame reference, without considering that 2024 was last year and not at present. So you automatically got a failing TA score in the preliminary portion.

The trending statement is in the wrong paragraph. That should be a part of the summary overview. The rest of this paragraph should have provided the content for what should have been the 2nd paragraph of the presentation. I have to stop the review at this point because the essay already received a final failing score.

Writing Feedback / Total world energy consumption and electricity generation - Task 1 - Pie chart [2]


To meet the TA requirements, you need to indicate the number of pie charts. You should also enumerate the types of energy sources listed. The summary overview is incomplete. It will not receive a passing preliminary score based on TA requirements. You have to deliver at least 3 sentences that represent the overall information provided in the first paragraph to meet the writing requirements for that section.

You are working on a 20 minute essay, without the aid of a timer. You can only realistically write 200 words in that case. You will cut into the Task 2 writing time of 40 minutes when you write almost 250 words. Remember that the score is not going to be based on the number of words that you use. It will be based on the accuracy of your report in terms of information. That means, you need to write quickly and explain yourself within a short amount of time. Keep it simple, keep it short. No more than 200 words. Do not cut into the task 2 writing time. Use a timer when you do the practice essays to make sure you can meet the 20 minute requirement.

Writing Feedback / Can mental strength outweight physical strength? - IELTS WARRIOR [4]

There are several problems with your prompt restatement that will force the issuance of a failing preliminary TA score. First, is that you did not really work hard on paraphrasing the original statement. You still keep the original . I already advised you to use a thesaurus this early to help you widen your English vocabulary in relation to synonym usage. Please do that. Second, is you added information: . This is not a reference supported by the original prompt which stated that : . That incorrect reference altered the original prompt discussion.

The discussion format in the reasoning paragraphs is incorrect. This is a compare and contrast discussion. Therefore, you should restate the public opinion, explain the support behind it, then give your reason for contradicting or accepting this opinion. If you notice, you only used one of the 2 public opinions in your reference paragraphs. So this essay will be scored based upon an under developed discussion. Meaning, it will receive a C+C failing score.

The summary conclusion is also improperly represented since it is not an accurate reverse paraphrase. I am afraid that you do not have a passing score essay represented here even though you will receive a decent LR score.

Writing Feedback / How to make a sponge cake - Process - IELTS WARRIOR [2]


There are several types of diagrams that are used for this test. You should familiarize yourself with those differing images so you can use the correct diagram reference and increase your TA score in the process. This is a procedural diagram since it discusses the procedure by which a cake is baked. The more accurate your image description, the better your preliminary scores will be.


I explained to you why you should not reference the position of the image provided in the previous thread. Please review that explanation because I do not like repeating myself and the instructions I provide for the improvement of the exam taker.

The rest of the description is acceptable. it is detailed and shows the degree of your English vocabulary. However, I question your ability to properly follow instructions during the actual test since you have made a repeated error in this practice test. Your ability to write in English may not be equivalent to your ability to properly understand the language.

Writing Feedback / The diagram show how use glass bottles are recycled. [2]


A diagram is a general term for an instructional drawing. Try to be more specific when it comes to the image description. In this case, you are dealing with a procedural diagram, since it gives instructions regarding glass bottle recycling. Your overview is less than 40 words. This means you do not meet the minimum word and sentence requirement for the TA preliminary score. You need at least 40 words covering at least 2 sentences. This is best achieved by combining the overview and the trending statement in the same paragraph. The trending sentence cannot be a stand alone sentence. It must be part of the overview.

There should be 4 paragraphs in this presentation. Every stage must be explainined within one paragraph of 3 sentences each. Writing in that manner allows you have a better overall scoring consideration because you will have covered the most important aspect of the presentation, the clarity of your explanation.

Writing Feedback / Working from Home: A Beneficial Trend in the Modern World - IELTS WARRIOR [2]

There are several prompts that use this topic as a part of the discussion point. That makes it difficult for me to accurately review your essay. I need to read the prompt as provided to accurately review your response based on the task requirement.

Anyway, this discussion is solid and well developed. My concern has more to do with your task compliance than your other scoring considerations at this point.


The plural and singular form of this word is "staff". Staffs mean to put staff in place. This is an LR and GRA error.


Do not make recommendations in any essay that does not ask for it. Most specially, do not make recommendations in the summary conclusion because you cannot develop that discussion and you will end the essay with a prompt deviation that will reduce your TA score.

Writing Feedback / International travelers landing in the UK - Ielts Writing Task 1: Line graph [2]

The summary overview should have at least 3 sentences in it. It should restate the type of image, measurement reference, and the series of information listed. That is how a proper and well scoring summary overview is presented. The trending statement can be the 4th sentence if you wish. Writing it as a stand alone sentence is only meant to help you ensure that you write all the required elements. It does not mean the trending statement is always written separately. Do not get used to that practice.


This is highly disrespectful to your reader. You should never talk down nor condescend to your reader. Always imply a respectful and academic tone in your writing. You could receive GRA deductions because of this phrase.

The essay will receive a failing score even though you wrote more than 150 words. That is because your sentence formation and development skills show that you are not capable of writing proper simple, compound, and complex sentences. You are using run on sentences in all presentation sections, limited to 2 sentences per presentation. The proper paragraph will always have 3-5 sentences in it. Do not compress information into 1 sentence. Never use 2 ideas in one sentence. Always use 1 idea per sentence as is the rule of thumb for English writing.

Undergraduate / COMMON APP Personal Statement - Teachings From My Sister [2]

This is a very interesting and personal background story. However, The reviewer could believe that the essay is more about your sister rather than your path towards enlightenment and civic duties. The figure of your sister was so big at the start of the essay and only continued to progress as a central point because of the way you portrayed here influence upon you. I would reverse the presentation. Focus on your socio civic participation at the beginning, introduce your sister within it, then continue to discuss how her illness continues to shape your life. Always keep the focus on you. Your sister should only be mentioned as the foundation. She should not be the main star of the essay.

Writing Feedback / Beechwood Farm - Map - IELTS WARRIOR [2]


When writing the report, you must always assume that the reader does not have a copy of the image. That is why those taking these practice tests are advised to never refer to the image position on the page. Keep it as a general reference. The type of image is important, the location of the image is not. You will actually lose scoring considerations when you Di that. Aside from this error, the first paragraph is actually a huge improvement over the first practice report and should receive a better scoring consideration.



The location reference appears to be a repeated error in this essay. You will definitely receive marked deductions for this mistake. You also have to remember that there is a 3 sentence minimum per paragraph. This is an academic piece of writing so it follows the academic paragraph format of at least 3 sentences.

Unfortunately this essay will not get a very good score because of the repeated errors and the problem with paragraph formatting.

Letters / MOTIVATION LETTER FOR BSC IN ELECTROMECHANICAL ENGINEERING [2]


When you reference academic achievements, you should be referencing awards and accolades that you received in relation to your academic excellence. Since the preceding paragraph does not mention any of these, but only speaks of your interests, then you should not be describing these as your "academic excellence". You can however, refer to these as your "academic interest".


This is an empty statement that the reviewer will not consider because did not fully thresh out your career goal. Specifically, where you see your career within 5 years of your graduation. It sounds like you are exaggerating your desire to be a simple aviation mechanic. Try to develop your career goals earlier so that the reviewer can see the alignment that you speak of.

Writing Feedback / No need to go to watch live performances? - Opinion Essay - IELTS WARRIOR [2]


Incorrect time line reference. The original reference used was "These days" so the alternative reference would be "Recently" or "Recent times". Do not exaggerate your word usage. That will negatively affect your LR and GRA scores.

The reasoning paragraph are well developed. The ideas are explained in a very understandable and easy manner. The reviewer will definitely note this in reference to your Cohesiveness + Coherence score.

The concluding paragraph is a problem though. That should be composed of at least 2 sentences totaling at least 40 words. It must restate the original prompt and summarize your 2 opinions. I suggest at least a 3 sentence reference for this paragraph to help you achieve a better scoring consideration overall.

Undergraduate / PERSONAL STATEMENT GKS-U University Track Mechanical Engineering [2]

Kindly remove the Hangul characters for Phineas and Pherb. The essay must be written in either pure English or pure Hangul as per the writing instructions. Do not disobey the instructions as you do not know how that will affect your application. You speak too much of the Korean female astronaut in the essay. Keep it to a minimum. The reviewer is already familiar with her. No need for the lesson in the accomplishments of the person. Just speak of how she inspired you to aim for higher ambitions. Overall, your essay is interesting and personal. It is something that might be considered interesting in the first round of considerations once you adjust the sections I have indicated.

Letters / Beyond Physics - recommendation letter to get gks scholarship [2]

Okay, the way that this essay was written shows the trained reviewer that the essay was not written by the teacher, but by the student. The focus of the information, the way it was presented, the lack of academic integrity of a teacher within the writing is quite evident. Therefore, this recommendation letter could very well be the recommendation that ends your consideration for the scholarship.

Information regarding the professional background of the teacher is lacking. The way that the person teaches only 1 subject with this student but has an all encompassing point of view of the student is another problem. Since this is a college scenario, there is no teacher in charge anymore who would be able to follow the development of the student in such great detail. I am afraid this recommendation letter will not work. It as to be written by the teacher and not the student.

Writing Feedback / Various household goods between 2001 and 2008 - Dynamic bar chart - IELTS WARRIOR [2]

The summary overview is supposed to comprise at least a 3 sentence paragraph. The contents of that paragraph should include, an enumeration of the items for comparison, the measurement unit used, and the trending statement. The trending statement is not considered its own paragraph. It gets a proper score when properly integrated into the summary overview.

While your fluency in English is conversational at most times, your reports tend to get confusing because you are working on only your vocabulary score instead of the ease of understanding that the reader should have with each paragraph. Do not focus on language use alone, creating an overly complex sentence each time leads to difficulty in tracking the information within the paragraph for the reader.

Writing Feedback / News media have become more influential in people's lives. [2]

The essay asks you for the extent of your support for one of the 2 given public opinions in the essay. So this is to be written as a single opinion essay that shows 2 reasons to give a measured support for your point of view. This is not a comparative essay. Since the essay does not follow the proper and expected written style for this prompt, it will automatically receive a failing TA score. Regardless of how well your defense of the provided reasons are, the fact that you did not understand the discussion instructions is what will lead this essay towards a final failing score. Your comprehension skills show a lack of proper understanding of the instructions.

Writing Feedback / What factors damage the environment and who should take responsibility? - IELTS WARRIOR [2]

There is an LR problem in the first paragraph. There is a big difference between damage and desctruction. Damage means broken, but repairable. Destruction means damaged beyond repair / irrepairable. The reference in the original prompt is "damaged" so the first definition applies. You exaggerated your reference and will lose points in the LR section because you did not use an appropriate alternative word in this section. With regards to the responsibility of the government, your simple evidence statement should show a connection between the actions and man and why the government must be held accountable for the action, with the expanded explanation coming up in the next 2 paragraphs. So you still have a score reducing problem with regards to the way that you approach the prompt restatement and writer's opinion. I believe this is because you are trying to use advanced or impressive English words, when simple everyday English word references will suffice for the examiner to judge your vocabulary skills.

You are over explaining in your paragraphs and using unrelated reasons. You should write no more than 5 sentences per paragraph and use connecting words that will highlight the relationship between reason 1 and reason 2. That does not exist in your second paragraph so the score will be based on unrelated reasons. Use the correct transition phrases or sentence transitions to score better next time.

These are the main reasons that your score will be lower than expected for this essay prompt. Will it pass? Perhaps. Again, it will not be higher than the base score because the deductions in the preliminary scoring considerations still exist in a different manner this time.

Writing Feedback / Obese people overwhelm the healthcare system? - IELTS WARRIOR [2]


The reference in the sentence is incomplete. Where are the sessions to be added? It is stated in the original prompt as "physical education lessons in school". There is no location mentioned in your sentence version so that will confuse the examiner and he will deduct points for the incomplete sentence construction. It created an inaccurate prompt restatement and will heavily affect your preliminary score. The saving grace of this paragraph is the fact that your writer's opinion is direct and on point. It includes the necessary simple topic references for the reasoning paragraphs.

Another thing that you did right in this discussion is that you stayed on point by defending your opinion with valid reasons and connected paragraphs. That shows that you fully understood the implied discussion requirements. This will add to the positive scoring considerations for your presentation.

However, your closing paragraph is not a correct reverse summary as expected. Though you present a good summary, you forgot to restate the prompt and discussion requirements from the original. So some points will be lost again. However, I believe that this type of presentation can receive a passing score in an actual test. It could receive a base passing score.

Research Papers / Mass Deportation Effects on the Economy's Well-Being [2]

You are over using the phrase mass deportation. It results in reader fatigue as one progresses with reading your paper. Try to use a synonym for the word. Alternate it. You can use an online thesaurus to help you with the referencing. At a certain point, "mass deportation" seems to be the only word that stands out in the presentation, removing the attention from the actual research.

The thesis statement of this paper is missing. You are discussing mass deportation but you failed to represent why this is a topic of your choosing, what the paper hopes to inform the people about, and what solutions might be presented at the end. In other words, what is the point of this research beyond the information you are providing? Why is this information important? The paper has the feel of being just cut and paste from other sources, but not really having a personal connection nor understanding coming from the writer. This research paper needs a heavy rewrite.

Writing Feedback / An essay titled Social Media and Teen Mental Health [2]

Revise the first paragraph to be more of a proper thesis statement. Follow the correct format by providing an explanation of the topic, why this is personal to you, and what you hope to achieve through this research. Remove the citations and place those in the succeeding paragraphs, where relevant, instead. Remember that the first paragraph is always used to explain your understanding of the topic and the sources (but not citations) if your data. That will fix the presentation in that paragraph.

The presentation will find itself better discussed if you get personal in certain parts of the discussion. Explain how social media has affected your mental health. Do you doom scroll? Why? How do you deal with your mental health as it relates to social media? The information provided is academically sound, but lacks in proper real life referencing and experience. Working on improving that part should help you better explain the relevance of the research and also result in a better grade for yourself.

Research Papers / Human Condition in India - Pitzer essay [3]

The story takes too long and does not directly respond to the core value that you are trying to discuss. I found myself actually guessing where you were headed with this long winded story before I finally gave up and just quit reading it midparagraph. I suggest that you do not use story telling in this instance because it tend to lose focus and wander off. Instead, start with a hook that immediately indicates the core value you are going to be discussing. Instead of being just personal, be personal within a socio civic setting. What group are you aligned with? What does it represent? Why did you opt to join the group? What activities do you perform with them that supports your claim of alignment with Pitzer core values? Be direct to the point. You need to inform the reader within the first 150 words or you may not hold the reviewers attention to the very end.

Letters / Master's in Finance in Hungary - Stipendium Hungaricum [3]

The letter will not work. It is too superficial and does not offer a strong consideration in terms of your academic abilities and accomplishments. That is usually one of the basis of the reviewers when reading your motivation letter. You need to speak of your academic accomplishments in college, what your college thesis was, if it was published, and how these foundations relate to your interest in this masters course. The letter is devoid of academic considerations at this point even as you make a good case for your consideration for the scholarship under this major. It is weakened by the lack of proper college academic theoretical and practical training. You also do not discuss any continuing education in the form of seminars attended in relation to your profession. I am sorry but this is not the kind of motivation letter that the reviewer would finish reading once he picks it up.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2- difference between working from home and working in office. [3]

282 words as you have it written could have helped your score in the long run if you had followed the Task Accuracy requirements of the IELTS Test. The first paragraph is to be used as the prompt restatement, then the presentation of the writer's opinion through your response to the given questioned or writing directions in short form. Since this essay does not have a first paragraph that represent that need, then the essay will not get a passing score in the preliminary scoring consideration. That means that you will have to recover from a failing score based on the remaining scoring considerations. That is highly difficult to accomplish, but not impossible.

Writing Feedback / Art is considered an essential part of all cultures throughout the world. [2]


The opening statement will receive a failing task accuracy score because you did not respond to the questions provided, creating the expected writer's opinion. Instead, you only provided the same discussion points based upon your own understanding. Since there is no writer's opinion provided, the essay will receive a starting failing score. That means the essay will not be in a positions to receive a final passing score. The essay has already failed even before you presented your reasoning paragraphs because you did not follow the discussion instructions.

There is also a lack of proper paragraph formatting, which will find score deductions in the TA and GRA scores. It also makes the essay difficult to follow so the C+C score will also receive penalties. Basically, the essay will not receive a passing score even though the discussion provided could be considered somewhat valid.

Scholarship / Clean technology and sustainable innovation - Statements for Study loan [2]

You need to be comfortable with fully revealing your family's financial situation to the reviewer. That means, you need to discuss the salary of your parents, individually and how these are divided amongst the needs of your family. That will include a reference to the expenses for your siblings study and your own. Explain your income as a Lalamove rider and how you spend that income. Provide evidence that even with a combined 3 income family, it will be impossible for you and your family to support your higher studies.

The second paragraph is devoid of information that will sell the reviewer on the idea that you will be a worthy loan risk. There is no true promise for your future in the field. No true ambition, no true aspiration, no resonating message when it comes to your plans for your future career that will ensure that you will pay back this loan.

Scholarship / Mechanical Engineering - Statement for Study loan [2]

I strongly recommend that you revise the start of this essay. The last thing a reviewer wants to read is a student who tells him about his negatives when it comes to career choices during his secondary years. That will lead the reviewer to believe that you are not totally sold on your college course either and may either shift courses or totally drop out of college in the future. He will not consider you a viable college candidate at that point and could reject your application. What you should do is remove that part and just start with he explanation about Roblox. It sounds inspiring enough so build on that. Remove any possible negative connotations in that part of your writing. Spin it. Make this so positive that the reviewer will believe you are serious about your major and that you will finish the course. Include a reference as to why you chose the university.

Poetry / ---- Sleep Woken Poem ----- [2]

Your incorrect use of English grammar in this stanza makes your intentions difficult to understand. One cannot plummet upward. That is always downward. It is incorrect to say "soft hands" then refer to "prickly grass" mostly because prickly grass is hard instead of soft. The sun cannot freeze one to ashes because freezing means below 0 temperatures. You can only burn to ashes in the heat of the beating sun. You cannot bite into a tide because a tide refers to water movements, You cannot bite into a liquid substance. While I understand that you took poetic liberty, you took too much liberty to the point where your references made the poem ridiculous to read rather than touching and contemplative.

Essays / The positive effects of child-parent communication [2]


Please indicate the tools by which you obtained your research material. How you used the research material. What the basis was for your choice of research material, tools, and equipment. Explain your criteria for using specific information collection methods.


That is the publication. Who authored the research? Refer to that person as the source of the information, as published by the library. Shang is the author and should be the main reference of information. You have your citation format all mixed up. Please correct that.

It is apparent in the presentation that you do not understand how a research paper is correctly written. You claim that you have done the research and information collation when it turns out that you are using other people's research and explain it in detail in the paper. This is not a correctly researched paper and will be returned to you with heavy corrections and edits by your professor. This is not going to pass your class.

Research Papers / Research paper over teenage and adolescent depression and anxiety. [2]


Try to create a more solid thesis. You are not taking an IELTS test but writing an academic paper. So what should you state in this case? You can provide at least 3 specific arguments that would indicate the modern influences that lead to depression and anxiety in teens. You can lay these out as simple sentence cause and effect references, with an indication that the full discussion references are to follow.


You cannot provide information like this and leave it hanging. What are the important aspects of the research results that caused you to refer to this academic source? How does it relate to your thesis statement? Having a more established thesis statement would help you to properly use your sources in the body of the research.

Since you are referring to social media as a direct source of anxiety and depression, the 2 sources you indicated should provide linking information for that claim. Do any of these references take social media use into consideration? What age bracket was used? How were the results studied? How does it support your claim? Make a claim that will fully envelope that reference.

Writing Feedback / Looking Back at the US Civil War [2]


Remove the term infamous. There is no need to exaggerate the American Civil war. Nor is there a need to disgrace it since it a part of American history and the growth of the nation. That term shows a bias in what should otherwise be a fair reading of the events that transpired. You cannot judge the events at the very start. You also, cannot tell the reader what to think. Aim for fair and balanced.

The second paragraph makes historical claims that become hearsay and not acceptable as a reference point because of the lack of academic reference for the citation. Always provide citations when indicating historical facts. The essay is heavy on information, but lacking in references, which is a problem when writing an academic paper. The conclusion is almost a full copy paste of the introduction, which should not be the case. Try to develop a proper summary and wrap up of the provided discussion instead.

Writing Feedback / Mental game - three areas of weakness or the description of the research paper project [2]

1. I do not believe that the research paper should indicate a focus on Beach Volleyball because the discussion and research aspect focuses on mental strength and burnout in an overall manner. It applies to all sports, not just Beach Volleyball. Consider adjusting the prompt to be all inclusive, or, develop a more focused approach that applies to mental endurance based on the specific sport instead.

2. The paper is heavy on theory, but does not have evidentiary presentations. Research the beach volleyball players who have publicly spoken of their mental burnout. Where none can be found, use general sports burnout instead.

3. The paper is confusing for the most part. You have to consider whether you are discussing general sports or beach volleyball specifically, then adjust the paragraphs to reflect that opinion and research focus.

Writing Feedback / Essay about the fact that celebrities earn more money than politicians, the reasons and opinions!-fb [2]

The first problem with your essay is the incorrect restatement of the original prompt. You are referring to information that is not found, nor can it be supported by the original topic statement. Recent years cannot be used as the word replacement for "Nowadays". When referring to time frames, or other instances of direct information referencing, use a thesaurus to allow you choose the best, and most appropriate alternative. You can find that online. I suggest you get used to using synonym words before the test to ensure a proper restatement or paraphrasing.

Second, when you are asked what the reasons are, then you must state 2 short reference topics for that discussion. Remember that the first paragraph is an introduction and thesis statement. The thesis statements will come from the reasons that you clearly provide depending upon the writing instructions. So in this case, the thesis statement should have been based on Reasons + Writer's Opinion.

The discussion method used is also inappropriate and not the expected discussion method. This is not a compare and contrast essay. The correct discussion format for this prompt is:

2nd Paragraph:

Sentence 1: Reason
Sentence 2: Why it is a negative development
Sentence 3: Explain the reasons for the negative development
Sentence 4: Give an example of the negative with a resultant situation.
Sentence 5: Transition to the next paragraph

Use the same for the 2nd body of paragraph reasoning. Using the above example would allow you gain a better scoring consideration in alignment with the writing format expectations. You are not near the band score 7 at the moment but you show the potential to achieve that score in the future.

Undergraduate / PERSONAL STATEMENT - GKS-U TOUR MANAGEMENT [3]

Your interest in tourism as a bridge for cultural understanding should have come back to the original reference point for it to come full circle. How did you use your new found interest and growing skills as a tour guide to remove the barriers facing Chinese-Indonesians? What would you say your success rate was? How would this apply to the way that you have handled tourists up to the present time? Consider that the tourists are not familiar , nor would they care about the issues surrounding the ethnicity in your country, would you say that ethnicity has a bearing on the tourism industry of Indonesia? Do you bring this up during tours? Why? The essay just needs to deal with the overlooked topic in order to become highly informative as a personal statement.

Research Papers / Poisoned Waters: How Microplastics Pollute What We Drink [2]


This citation is presented too soon in the essay. You need to establish your personal interest in the topic first. Base that interest in publicly known information and your personal understanding of the situation. Establish a strong personal thesis statement first. You may start using information from other sources in the 2nd paragraph. Remove the citation but keep the rest of the paragraph. That will better establish the introduction and thesis statement.


Combine this paragraph with the first one. Your thesis statement is contained here so it should be a smooth introduction, explanation, opinion, study statement in the the first paragraph. This creates the most coherent reference to your discussion topic.

Overall, I believe this is a pretty solid research paper that will be of interest to your professor in the related subject.

Writing Feedback / IS taking regular health check-ups unnecessary if one feels healthy? [2]

You overwrote this essay. With only 49 minutes to craft a properly worded and coherent essay, you are expected to write no more than 300 words in response to the question. You are not scored on the number of words that you write, but rather on the quality of your writing. Writing a 500 plus word essay means you will not finish writing this essay within 40 minutes. An unfinished essay submission automatically receives a failing score. I want you to avoid that so learn to write clearly within 300 words. The formatting is also off because you did not properly space your paragraphs. The compressed presentation makes this very difficult to read. Your response is also incorrect because you are expected to present 2 supporting paragraphs for your point of view. This is not a compare and contrast essay, it is a single opinion defense essay. The combination of all of these errors will result in a non-passing score for you.

Scholarship / Research, data exchange, or public health innovation - PERSONAL STATEMENT GKS-U 2026 [2]


Who said this? This is a direct quote from whom? Do not use a quotation as a hook for the GKS scholarship, specially one as unclear as the statement you chose. Just stick to the required discussion points. Use a hook only if it makes sense and truly connects with the first sentence or two of the next paragraph.

Are you applying using the university track? If so, then you need to better discuss the choice of university and how your academically qualify for admission to their program. I do not see a fit between you and the program right now. Perhaps it is because the essay is too short. Maybe it is because you do not present any outstanding achievements as a student. Regardless of the hardship you faced in life, it is your academic performance that will be considered the most. At this point, the essay is lackluster and lacking in impact, specially in terms of academic achievements.

Undergraduate / GKS-U PERSONAL STATEMENT (astronomy and space science) [2]


It is too early in the discussion for you to introduce this topic. You may state this later on, in a more connected way to the rest of the essay. Stick with the discussion prompt line up for the essay presentation. Edit the essay.

The information provided answers the prompt questions directly, but does not develop the discussion into something that would help the reviewer gain more insight into your background with regards to your passion for the course or your desire to make a change in this field. It feels rushed and lacking. You need to discuss this on a more personal level. A personal level of your choosing, one that you are comfortable with. Right now, the reviewer does not have much to go on in terms of considering your application.

Research Papers / Is History repeating itself - treatment of immigrants [2]


Please provide examples of the previous treatment that has carried on to modern times or has been updated to be even more brutal in terms of treating legal citizens of Japanese / Hispanic heritage. That would help the reader better understand the context of the article you mentioned.


This is similar in content to the previous reference. I believe this can be removed to avoid redundancies. You did not fully develop the first example so it would be better for you to focus on the development of that reference instead.


Proper referencing please, include the title of the televised episode in the mention.

The essay delves into debatable topic as of the moment. I believe though that it could be better written as a compare and contrast essay instead of focusing only on one side of the debate. That way the reader gets a balanced point of view out of the writer to consider while reading the article.

Writing Feedback / Essay on time travelling to work or school [2]

While this essay is composed of 280 words, it does not follow the proper compare and contrast discussion for the given prompt. The discussion is expected to be based upon the comparison of the public opinion and the personal opinion of the writer. There is no reference to the public opinion in either paragraphs These are both written from the point of view of the author instead. Therefore, the essay will not receive full scoring marks. When the TA considerations are not satisfied with the writer, it can be expected that the overall marks will be low to failing. Meeting the discussion requirements is a pivotal scoring consideration for the task 2 essay. Fail to follow the discussion instructions and you will not receive a passing mark due to low TA and C+C scores.