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Posts by SxmBeauty
Joined: Aug 17, 2009		 Last Post: Oct 7, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 9  
From: Netherlands Antilles

Displayed posts: 11
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SxmBeauty   
Aug 17, 2009
Undergraduate / "It takes more than good academics" - Florida State University Essay [11]

Please i really need some help with this. All comments and suggestions are welcome. Thanks in advance!

Prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires,Artes,Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University.
Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical and intellectual ; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified
in skill, art or craft; and Mores refers to character, custom or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are

reflected in your life.

Out of the three, "Vires,Artes,Mores", I believe that I exemplify "Vires" and "Mores" the best, thought I can also represent "Artes". "Vires"

indicates strength of all sorts. Personally I consider intellectual strength to be the most significant. Through the years I have found myself facing different
challenges that, without intellectual strength, I would have never conquered. One of the biggest misfortunes I had to endure was the death of my paternal

grandmother. She had cancer in her womb and an enlarged heart. She put up a great fight but eventually succumbed to the battle that was waging against her.

It was when she died that I realized how important intellectual strength is. Still attending high school at the time, I had to pull myself together and continue

focusing on my academics. Without intellectual strength, all other strengths would be non-existent. Physical strength is the state of being strong and the ability
to uphold a moral or intellectual position firmly.

"Artes alludes to the beauty". This excerpt from the essay question means so much. Surprisingly a majority of people do not see beauty for what it truly is.

They seem to think that beauty is having physical good looks. Only a few people actually appreciate beauty for what it really is. Beauty comes in all forms. My personal

beauty is in the art of dance. As a dancer, I believe the way my body moves and the way i perform is beauty in itself.

Mores represents character, custom and tradition. Character is when a person has distinctive qualities. These qualities can either be good or bad but in this

society you tend to come across more bad than good. People often imitate what they see on television or what celebrities do. Individuality is being lost as more and more

people surrender to peer pressure. I strongly believe in individuality. If God wanted us to be the same then he would have never made us

differently. Everyone tells me that I have good character. I conduct myself appropriately, treat everyone with utmost respect and I focus on things bigger than myself.

Florida State University is an extraordinary school that I would be honored to attend. I radiate a natural friendliness and I am always eager to learn new things.

It takes more than good academics to be a great student. It also takes determination, having a good head on your shoulders and having good values set in place and that is

what "Vires, Artes, Mores" is all about.
SxmBeauty   
Aug 18, 2009
Undergraduate / Volunteerism is like this: Rewarding Experience [7]

While I was reading this essay, it was like I could almost visualize someone sitting down infront of me and telling me this. It is a really heart-felt essay. As mentioned before by others, just work on your verbs and make sure revise your work, scanning for any error, before posting.
SxmBeauty   
Aug 18, 2009
Undergraduate / "the break-dance performance" - UT essay form B [6]

For the last 3 years, I went up to that stage with the name of 'O'Style Crew' every year. Especially, in 2008, I and crews finally won the first place out of fourteen teams in the school talent show.

The first time that I saw the break-dance performance was in 2006, in 'Bboy Hodown'.

Lots of famous street dancers joined this competition as judges or as entries.

It was not hard to find.

There are not many Popping sessions where I live, so I had to go nearby Dallas Downtown and I met some local poppers . They did not really notice me, but they at least talked with me.

He moved his body fast and tough and it was amazing to me.

The style called, popping should be done as slowly and smoothly as possible.

Obviously, I saw some beginners quit in one or two weeks of trying; many of them said, "I am untalented," which does not make sense. Before they even try to practice, they quit. Frankly, I still practice the foundations eventhough I danced for three years.

On my first year of dance, I knew about the school talent show.

Each of the crews become a puppet and I become a controller. The puppets use break-dance skills on the lyrical beats by my hand gestures.

For most of the show, crowds were quie t; they were concentrating on the show. Frankly, I thought the show was a failure at first, but every time we used some powerful movements, crowds responded. After the show, I could know how it felt on the stage, the acclaim. Many of the teachers asked us for shows, when we showed our abilities. I n 2008, I finally made a formal crew, 'O'Style Crew,' and I was elected to be the leader.

This time, I saw many people liked me, two years ago, came to us and ask for session. Then, I saw people who really want to dance and who want to chase the fame.

I did not teach the people who were full of vanity, because those people will not be able to get through the practice with perseverance.

I must admit there are some points in the essay where I am confused but the essay was really interesting. I tried to correct as many errors as possible but I'm sure I must have missed some. Have no fear for the others will correct any over-looked errors.
SxmBeauty   
Sep 3, 2009
Undergraduate / "It takes more than good academics" - Florida State University Essay [11]

"The true perfection of man lies not in what man has, but in what man is", said Oscar Wilde. "Vires", "Artes" and "Mores" represent that. Strength comes in all forms and I am very emotionally strong. My paternal grandmother had cancer in her womb and also an enlarged heart. I remember the day she died as if it were yesterday. I was in class when a policeman and my principal appeared at the door. My heart sank because I knew something was wrong. The policeman said that my grandmother was fading fast so we had to hurry. When we arrived at the hospital I saw one of my cousins crying and I knew we were too late. I entered her hospital room to find that my other cousin had flung himself on top of her and was weeping uncontrollably. My heart ached and my vision blurred with my tears. Still attending high school, I had to deal with exams and grief for my grandmother simultaneously. If I was going to do well I had to pull myself together and stay focused and that is exactly what I did. From this experience, I learned to get a good grip on my emotions and handle myself accordingly.

I conduct myself appropriately, treat everyone with utmost respect and focus on things bigger than myself such as helping others. I have been involved in several food and clothing drives. One drive I was involved in, organized by my school, helped Haiti. Haiti had been hit by three storms in one month. Tropical Storm Hanna killed 137 people and the damage done was immense. We were encouraged to bring in canned food and clothes. At the end of a one-week period a few students and staff, including myself, packed everything up and gave it to the Red Cross that send it to Haiti the following day. Another drive, organized by my church, was strictly clothing. After the clothes were brought in we, young members of the congregation, packed up everything and the older members brought it to the Salvation Army that sent it to Nevis where it was distributed in the poorer parts of the island. Each time I felt thrilled that I was doing a good deed. It is always rewarding to know that you are helping someone less fortunate than yourself.

I believe that I exemplify "Vires" and "Mores", I have alot to offer and that I will have a positive impact on campus with my "Vires" and "Mores".
SxmBeauty   
Oct 7, 2009
Essays / "Who helped make me, me" - how to start an intro and conclusion? [5]

First of all you need to jot down notes on who you think is a big part of who you are. Maybe your mother is one person who helped make you, you. You would want to make your introduction interesting as to catch the reader's attention. For example you can start out with an interesting quote or a brief description of an experience you had with the person who helped shape you. As for the conclusion, it should also be interesting for you do not want your essay to falter right at the ending of it. Hope that helps!
SxmBeauty   
Oct 7, 2009
Undergraduate / Essays about meaningful life experience and family influence - FAMU admission [2]

These are actually two admission essays with two different topics. Please help me out.

Prompt : Describe an activity, interest, experience or achievement in your life (this could be a book,movie,an activity or an experience at work, home or school) that has been particularly meaningful for you.

Where I am from, when someone graduates as valedictorian from elementery school you are called "Student of the Year".To qualify as a candidate, one had to pass all exams with eighty percent or higher. I knew I had a good chance so I worked really hard.

I studied every chance I got. I stopped going to all my extracurricular activities just so I would have a few extra hours of studying. I even stopped watching television and surfing the web. I only stopped studying to eat, bathe and sleep. I was extremely exhausted but I knew it would be worth it.

When I went to get my results, my teacher told me that I did not get "Student of the Year". I fought back the tears and my teacher suddenly burst out laughing and said she was joking. I really did get it. My hard work paid off.

It was Graduation Night and it was going smoothly. Then it was time to deliver my speech. As I watched the crowd and started speaking, my anxiety began to decrease. Almost as soon as I began my speech, it ended and the applause was great.

After my speech it was time to give awards to students who did outstanding in certain subjects. My name was called along with others. Several people congratulated me. On the way home I started to cry. I was so happy. I had finally realized that hard work pays off and if you set your mind to something, you can achieve it.

Prompt : How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

Scott Adams once said "The most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me" and I agree.

Living on a small island in the Caribbean, it is easy to get influenced. Many of my friends turned out to be "bad apples" and some are even dead. They got influenced by the wrong people, which often included their family. That is why I am forever grateful for the family I have. I am well-rounded and a kind-hearted person and I owe it all to my family, especially my mother.

The little things like always being present when I got my report card or driving me to dance lessons are what I appreciate and also the love and care she shows. For example, when I was sick for two weeks with dengue fever, my mother could have simply gave me my medicine and left me alone but she did not. She showed me such tenderness and stayed by my side. She even let me sleep in her bed with her so she could literally take care and have an eye on me 24/7 .Whenever I feel like giving up I remind myself that if my mother ever gave up I probably would not be here.

Everytime I see how great my family is, compared to others that are filled with violence and hatred, I realize that my academic achievements and good character are the result of the influence my family has had on me. The fact that my family, especially my mother, is always there to support me is the reason I want to be something in life and return the favor.
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