chocodollar
Oct 11, 2009
Undergraduate / "knowledge of my own culture" - U OF M UNDERGRAD [3]
I think the first half of the prompt ( about the culture part) is well addressed. But the part about the contribution to diversity is too brief. only the last sentence of your essay deal with this part. i think you can write more on how exactly you can contribute. is there a word limit to this essay?
other than that i think
"rant" is too strong a word here and it sounded a bit disrespectful to the pastor's wife. maybe you want to try other words like "complain"?
i think it should be" an advantage to 'plan' a great event. and i don't really understand the planning part. did you plan this event?
the youth group were inspired by you and not the things that you all did a few weeks later. so the word 'because' should not be used here.
I think the first half of the prompt ( about the culture part) is well addressed. But the part about the contribution to diversity is too brief. only the last sentence of your essay deal with this part. i think you can write more on how exactly you can contribute. is there a word limit to this essay?
other than that i think
Week after week I would sit in Sunday youth group and just rant to Samia
"rant" is too strong a word here and it sounded a bit disrespectful to the pastor's wife. maybe you want to try other words like "complain"?
For the first time I didn't feel like my culture was holding me back but rather giving me an advantage to planning a great event.
i think it should be" an advantage to 'plan' a great event. and i don't really understand the planning part. did you plan this event?
I took these stories back to my church and told the rest of my youth group and it inspired them because a couple of weeks later we met with the youth group from the local mosque and we discussed the similarities and differences between our religions.
the youth group were inspired by you and not the things that you all did a few weeks later. so the word 'because' should not be used here.