Writing Feedback / Chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone [5]

@Holt
Thank you very much for your comments. Maybe my essay is off topic. I will rewrite my it until it becomes okay. I find it difficult to do task 2 in IELTS test in terms of ideas. Anyway, a mentor like you is precious. Thank you again! Hope that you will help me more and more in writting

@Holt
But I wrote that '' I disagree with this argument and will elaborate in detail.'' So I concluded that '' I believe that people who do not believe much in hazard can also gain their goals'' and '' I suppose that chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone''. I means that just partly not mostly ? I think that I chose just one side ?

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 1 : The three companies' waste [9]

@Red Moon
I think that you had some problems about the way to express your ideas such as:
You wrote ''The illustration provides information on the figure for waste ...''. I mean it lost an important infomation . You know you'd better show the name of graph to the judges. If I were you, I will paraphrase the introduction like '' The line graph illustrates how much waste three companies A,B and C produced in terms of tonnes between 2000 and 2015''

With the summary, as you see, the amount of waste that company B produced accelerated to roughly 10%, then it experienced a sudden fall to ... So you could not suppose that : ''It is clear from the graph that company A and B produced less waste ...''Personally, it is not correct in some aspects.

Writing Feedback / Chances do not make a major contribution to the triumph of anyone [5]

Do you guys can check my rewritting again ?
It is argued that fortune plays a leading role in the success of anyone. However, I completely disagree with this argument and will elaborate in detail.

On the one hand, I advocate the notion that people who are hard-working and determined can attain their goals. For example, Mark Zuckerburg is a great illustration. He thoughtfully decided to drop his study in Harvard University and set up his own company. Then, he spent thousands of hours coding and experimenting to create a social network called Facebook that we use nowadays. Another clear evidence is Nguyen Ngoc Ky. This disabled man could not write by hand, but he had enough determination to teach himself to write by foot. After that, he would become one of the greatest teachers of education in Viet Nam. It it not ascribed to luck anyway, I believe it comes from his industriousness and determination.

On the other hand, the saying that hazard is significantly attributable to luck is vague. Firstly, people can not solely depend on luck to become successful. For instance, lazy students usually rely on fortune, so they just learn the leading parts that they think their teachers will examine them in the tests. Admittedly,whether or not he or she can pass the exam is no matter how lucky he or she may be. Secondly, luck could only lead people to a short-term achievement. A typical example for my belief is having a lottery. It totally is due to luck, there is nothing to make sure that it would continue to exist in the future.

For the reasons that I mentioned above, I assume that in order to achieve long-term goals, one must be extremely industrious and determined to follow his or her passion till the end.