Writing Feedback / The portion of those who own devices by four different categories in Vietnam during 6-year period [6]

Line graph: Device Ownership

The line graph illustrates the portion of those who own devices by 4 different categories in Vietnam during 6-year period from 2006 to 2012. Overall, all types of ownership increased over the period, with the highest volume belonged to CD player and the least for Tablet.

As can be inferred from the chart, the data of Table appeared from 2008 by only around 10% but soared cross the 2 next years to just under 32%. This rising trend continued and ended at 42 approximately in 2012. It is worth noting that CD player and Home computer almost increased constantly during the time from 2006 to 2012, with around 30% higher ratio by CD player. While Home computer stated at nearly 30% in 2016, after rising to over 55% in 2012, this figures for CD player were under 60% and 82% respectively. In contrast, there were some fluctuations in the development of Mobile phone. To be specific, the stage from 2009 to 2010 witnessed a level-off of 42%, 1 year later rising significantly by 22%. In addition, Mobile phone began just 18% lower than the number of Home computer but finished with the second highest of approximately 60% in 2012.

Question:
1) Can this essay get band 6.0?
2) Do I have to separate the introduction and overview into 2 different paragraphs?