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Posts by Catlady
Joined: Sep 6, 2009
Last Post: Sep 8, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
From: USA

Displayed posts: 4
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Catlady   
Sep 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / "That government is best which governs least" - CLEP essay feedback [4]

Please provide feedback on the following practice English Comp CLEP essay I wrote.

Henry David Thoreau wrote in The Duty of Civil Obedience: "That government is best which governs least"

Write an essay to explain the meaning of this statement and discuss what you think should be the basis for increasing or decreasing the governments power.


In his book, "The Duty of Civil Obedience," Henry David Thoreau wrote "that government is best which governs least." What the author means by this statement is that a large government is too expensive, intrusive, and bureaucratic. I wholeheartedly agree with him.

The amount of money needed to run the United States government is enormous. Reducing the size of government would reduce the overall cost and, thus, the amount of taxes people pay. The IRS alone employs thousands of workers whose positions could be eliminated entirely if a flat tax rate were adopted. Whittling down this sector of the government could potentially free up hundreds of millions of dollars in revenue, which in turn could be used to do something useful, such as reducing the national deficit.

Large governments have the tendency to become too controlling over its people. A smaller government would be less able to unduly influence people's lives. Hitler's very large and powerful government exacted control over entire countries and led to the systematic execution of more than 6 million Jewish people. If Hitler's army had not been allowed to become so large and powerful, none of this would have been able to take place.

Lastly, large governments are known to employ processes that can lead to red tape and large paper trails. Less government would mean fewer regulations and a more efficient national economy. Nearly every industrialized country in the world has access to the latest drugs and surgical procedures long before the FDA grants approval for them to be used in the United States, if ever. By reducing the number of people involved in the drug and procedure approval process, the FDA would be allowing Americans more varied choices in their healthcare.

It is clear to me that large governments tend to be detrimental to its people in many ways, including economic and personal oppression, paperwork nightmares, and bureaucratic inefficiencies. The current United States administration appears to be favoring a larger government. It is my belief that this current trend may lead to higher taxes, a reduction in personal liberty, and even more red tape.
Catlady   
Sep 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / "That government is best which governs least" - CLEP essay feedback [4]

Thank you both for your responses. I did question some of the very points you touched on but decided to go with them. I am in practice mode for the CLEP right now and will probably post a few more. Hopefully each essay will be a little better. :-)
Catlady   
Sep 7, 2009
Writing Feedback / If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? [4]

You have many grammatical errors. If english is not your first language you need to take extra care to ensure you use all the words, all the correct words, and in the correct context.

Also, I am not sure you really addressed what is wrong with your educational system. Students have too much school work to do, it is too boring and good teaching makes other countries respect your educational system. I do not see how these tie together. Finally, you do not really set on one thing to change. You should identify the one thing to change and write about reasons why it should change.

Hope this helps.
Catlady   
Sep 8, 2009
Writing Feedback / Toefl topic:"When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has...." [5]

You have many issues in this essay. I will hit the big ones.

Your second paragraph ends abruptly. "because of the fact that..."

You are missing many words. In particular, articles are missing like "(The) Definition of success is changeable according (the) situation."

And you have the word usage of words like "Luck is the efficient criteria for being success". I think you mean to say important.
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