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Posts by lycheepeach12
Name: Anne Liu
Joined: Oct 31, 2017
Last Post: Oct 29, 2019
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States

Displayed posts: 3
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lycheepeach12   
Oct 31, 2017
Undergraduate / Supplemental essay for Brandeis: what could you talk about for hours? [3]

hi! i know this is a little last minute, but i need help shortening the introduction part (the gist of k-pop) and lengthening what it means to me. any other advice is appreciated as well :) thanks!

prompt:

Tell us about something you could talk about for hours and why.



As soon as I click on the blurry video thumbnail, music blares from the laptop speakers, paired with idols dressed in gaudy clothing. It's enough, just enough to elicit a smile from me.

Korean pop music. It's flashy, loud, and often freaky- but that's only on the outside. Since sophomore year, I've found myself falling into the rabbit hole of a music genre that didn't even exist in my world before high school.

K-Pop is a genre of music I've never seen replicated anywhere. Its unique in its creativity, eye-catching in its aesthetics, and mesmerizing in its display of talents. It takes inspiration from multiple music genres and fuses them into something completely distinct. It's why I find myself spending much of my free time listening to it.

Moving past the music aspect, it's a place where I see myself represented as more than just brains or whatever stereotype you see fit. K-Pop showcases Asian individuals with talents outside of, or in place of, dull stereotypes. Recently, Asian idols have been gaining popularity in the states, and with the exception of a few close minded individuals, they've received warm welcomes based on their talents. It fills me with a sense of pride to see people like me who excel in these unconventionally Asian dominated fields of work. Seeing Asian representation in other fields has given me more confidence in excelling in areas that stereotypes don't exactly follow.
lycheepeach12   
Oct 28, 2019
Undergraduate / NAME AND IDENTITY - COMMONAPP 650 words or less [4]

hey! i like the topic you've chosen to write about- i personally find it nice for essays to be a bit more personal; it gives admissions officers a closer look into you as a person.

there's only one thing i think you could work on:
i do understand the importance of having a bit of storytelling in an essay to set up the premise or drive through a point. however, while i think the experiences you mentioned are important to the story line, i feel that i'm left waiting for the "point" of the story. what did this struggle between your two names teach you? did it shape an important part of your identity? i think it would be valuable to delve into these "point" ideas earlier on in your essay. the story line could be condensed into a brief but solid premise rather than taking up the bulk of your essay. you want to illustrate who you are, but also show how these experiences were crucial in your personal development into a strong willed, confident, etc person.

hope this is helpful! good luck :)
lycheepeach12   
Oct 29, 2019
Undergraduate / NAME AND IDENTITY - COMMONAPP 650 words or less [4]

@nochaelle04

I actually think that it should be a larger portion of your essay- you could dive into how these experiences affected you but what you learned from them, how they made you stronger, changed your perspective on life, things like that
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