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Posts by benamilada
Name: Bena
Joined: Nov 27, 2017
Last Post: Nov 29, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 4  
From: Indonesia
School: SMA Negeri 81 Jakarta

Displayed posts: 5
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benamilada   
Nov 27, 2017
Undergraduate / I am applying to UBC and in the application form, it requires me to write an essay about myself [6]

Hello, so currently I am applying to UBC and in the application form, it requires me to write an essay about my self. So the question is:

Tell us about who you are. How would your family, friends, and/or members of your community describe you? If possible, please include something about yourself that you are most proud of and why. (maximum 250 words)

self introduction essay for ubc



Everybody has a passion, during my high school years I always try to find my own. Back to the orientation day in high school, there was an event where all of the extracurricular had a chance to show what they could do. Everybody seemed to enjoy what they were doing, and they did it joyfully. At that moment I realized that doing what we love is an essential thing for people to consider regarding their life. From all of the performances, the dance club is the one that intrigued me the most. So I gave it a try and joined the club. Joining the club helped me discovered my passion for art. The process of finding it was not an easy journey. There were a lot of tasks that I had to accomplish that I found it very difficult at that time, but because I was aware of what I want so I pushed off all the pressure and worked harder. I felt some positive changes in myself from then; I became more optimistic and aware of hardworking. Not just striving for myself, I also had to work with my team. I had been working with them for almost three years. They trust my positivity and competence to work with theirs, and it brings out some best results to our team. I have achieved up to 30 awards with them. Moreover, I could also balance my academic terms. I steadily keep my scores in the top ten of the class.

I am from Indonesia, and I did not use English as the first language so please help me by commenting/editing my essay
Thank you :)
benamilada   
Nov 29, 2017
Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]

Hello Abdikafi!
I am also a senior in high school and currently applying for a scholarship to study overseas. I hope the best luck for us, and I hope we could help each other on writing essays. Cheers!

:)
benamilada   
Nov 29, 2017
Undergraduate / UBC - Tell us more about one or two activities [4]

Hi Michell!
I also agree with Holt and @Lyipheoryia, and I want to add maybe you should connect those two activities that you're proud of. For example, first, you describe the orphanage like @Lyipheoryia suggested and then from that activity you feel the urge to do something good for the world and then you decided to join MUN and from that your passion is formed and you learn a lot of things.

I hope it helps!
benamilada   
Nov 29, 2017
Writing Feedback / Reading reflections about artical [5]

Hi Jeannie!
I am also a non-English as a first language-person. I agree with Holt that translating the English you've written to your language is a great way to start to learn writing in English. Maybe you also could search something related to your essay from this website for your reference.

Having references really help you to understand the structure.
benamilada   
Nov 29, 2017
Undergraduate / I am applying to UBC and in the application form, it requires me to write an essay about myself [6]

Merged:

i have re write my essay and what do you think about this one?



So I have re-write my essay from my last thread and I realized that I am so focused on adding the background of why I was like this and that rather than write it straight to the point. This is the essay I've written

Everybody has a passion, during my high school years, I always try to find my own. The process of finding it is not an easy journey. I faced a lot of difficulties in the process, but because I am aware of what I am doing is something good for myself, I could always find a way to get through it. My passion-finding journey changes my perspective on life. I realized that hard work is a must. I would do my best to achieve something that I want and need. Passion taught me to enjoy every moment of the process, and that makes every obstacle could be seen as a challenge by me and not as pressure, also I am always optimistic on finding the solutions of the problems and get through it. I am used to working with a team. I joined a dance club in my high school, and I had been working with my team for almost three years. They trust my positivity and competence to work with theirs, and it brings out some best results to our team. Besides dancing, I love going to new places, trying new things, basically anything that challenges me to get out of my comfort zone. So adapting to new things is not a big problem for me. I believe, being in a position that is out of a comfort zone could broaden your mind and be a better person, and I am always looking forward to developing myself more.

What about this essay? for the structure is it already decent enough to be submitted? and also what about the grammars?
Thank you for sparing your time to comment on this :)
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