Scholarship / Motivation Letter to pursing my advanced study - Sweden [3]

Faiz, I think you done a great job in your essay, but here is some points I see maybe help you more:

This opportunity helps me to build my leadership and interpersonal skills
This opportunity helped me to build my leadership and interpersonal skills. I suggest to write it helped you to be financially independent too as a student.

as the director of student's organization. what is this organization name?
Doing three activities at the same time (study, business and organization) without any issue. rewrite it again in a better way.

The last paragraph is not answering the question I guess. they already know that their university is great, but how it'll really help you to achieve your career goals, talk about their unique subjects or their great professors or tell them their institutions' university will help you academically.

and about your contribution, speak about a unique skill you have and tell exactly what you will do with this skill to benefit your other professors and friends. Rewrite it again and good luck.