Motivation Letter to pursing my advanced study - Sweden

beautiful, although impoverished area

Dear Sir/Madam,

My name is Faiz Ahadina, born in Garut Indonesia, a region which is titled as "Swiss Van Java"" by Dutch colony in southern Indonesia because it has delightful climate and breath-taking views, which is highly marketable for both its domestic and international tourism. Ironically, it is one of Indonesia's most impoverished area with inadequate at economic and educational conditions, some improvements had been taken but the problems remain exist. This fact prompts me to write this letter in the hope of pursuing my better education in your institution. This program, I believe, is dispensable for my career development and will benefit me and my beloved city.

I took business administration for my bachelor program in Tanri Abeng Univerisity, where I had started to set up my own business in tourism sector. I help many people to visit two popular destination for Indonesian, Malaysia and Singapura, with more affordable price but still providing the same service as anyone else. Now, I already have loyal customers both group or individual. This opportunity helps me to build my leadership and interpersonal skills.

Furthermore, I was also pointed as the director of student's organization in which I supervised all student clubs can be running smoothly and the place to improve students 'abilities. Doing three activities at the same time (study, business and organization) without any issue. Prior to graduation, I had a remarkable opportunity to work as intern in the embassy of the republic of Indonesia in Sofia, Bulgaria, I was put in economic function in which I have large number of information about how economic cooperation between both parties is built and benefit one another. This also leads to join Bright Indonesia, the company assisting international business in their market entry into Indonesia, there I can implement both theoretical and practical insights I obtained to accomplish the tasks and achieve organizational goal.

In my last semester, a research project had been carried out to fulfil my bachelor requirement. it reveals that Indonesian government needs to diversify its export destination to boost national income because of low-national income from exporting to major country destinations. Therefore, I suggest the government to start focusing on non-traditional market which has not been explored deeply, such as Bulgaria.

I think of pursuing my master at your university is a logical step ahead for me and that it will directs me to find my long-term goals. I believe this university is one of the best Swedish universities, where that would form a deep foundation for my future career development. Your institution comes on top of my priorities for pursuing my International Business program. I am aware that this university is a vibrant and exciting institution that is renowned for its high standards of teaching, its strong and supportive atmosphere for study and research. After completing this program, I will give positive contributions to strengthen Swedish and Indonesian bilateral cooperation in various sectors and thus contribute to the nation's economic growth between both parties and also will help tourism sector in my city will be more popular with my great experience in tourism sector.

Thank you for your consideration, I look forward to receiving your favourable communication.

Yours sincerely,

Please give me feedback to make it perfect!!!! Thanks in advance

Faiz, I think you done a great job in your essay, but here is some points I see maybe help you more:

This opportunity helps me to build my leadership and interpersonal skills
This opportunity helped me to build my leadership and interpersonal skills. I suggest to write it helped you to be financially independent too as a student.

as the director of student's organization. what is this organization name?
Doing three activities at the same time (study, business and organization) without any issue. rewrite it again in a better way.

The last paragraph is not answering the question I guess. they already know that their university is great, but how it'll really help you to achieve your career goals, talk about their unique subjects or their great professors or tell them their institutions' university will help you academically.

and about your contribution, speak about a unique skill you have and tell exactly what you will do with this skill to benefit your other professors and friends. Rewrite it again and good luck.

Ahmad, this is far from perfect. In fact, it is not even a motivation letter. You have only written a confused combination of a personal statement and statement of purpose. Most first time motivation writers tend to get confused and always end up doing exactly what you did. So you will have to be patient and be willing to write a new essay which will be more directed towards a motivation letter representation. You will need to create a new letter that considers the following aspects for a motivation letter:

First paragraph - the foundation of your interest in this field. Starting with when you first gained an interest and ending with how you cultivated that interest. Close with a short reference to what made you decide to pursue this as a college degree.

Second paragraph - a short discussion of your professional background, ending with the problems that you feel are little addressed in this field or any problems that you have been having in terms of accomplishing your job requirements. (This is the personal and professional motivation part)

Third paragraph- Based upon what you know of the university (beyond rankings and location), why you were motivated to apply to this university for your masters degree. What do you hope to accomplish / learn as a student via the course curriculum? This will be the academic motivating factor paragraph.

Fourth paragraph - closing statement that wraps up the first 3 paragraphs and indicates an excitement about becoming a student during the upcoming semester.

Make sure that you stick to the motivation aspect and summarized discussions per paragraph because, if the university requires a personal statement and a statement of purpose, you will need to provide expanded discussions of these topics there. The motivation letter should only be as concise as an average cover letter because that is all it is, a cover letter that accompanies the other essays and documents you will be submitting to the reviewer.