Graduate / Do I really want to be a doctor? Draft Personal Statement for Med. School [2]

Hi everyone, I have copied the first draft of my personal statement for medical school below. I have omitted names for privacy but please be as honest as you can be when reviewing this essay. I plan on reviewing it in a few days with fresh eyes but suggestions and recommendations from third parties is greatly appreciated. In the past, I have been told I ramble without hitting my point and I want to avoid that, so please be on the lookout for that. I would also like to add that English is not my first language so please let me know if any phrase or sentence is written poorly. Corrections would be greatly appreciated!

PROMPT:

Why do you want to be a doctor?

Why do I want to be a doctor? It used to be that I just wanted to follow in my parents' footsteps but eventually I realized that was not good enough and I knew I needed to really think about it so like any student, I procrastinated. I knew I always loved helping people, it's why I chose to work as a tutor, a Teaching Assistant and a Resident Assistant at the University yet I kept putting off answering the question until my sophomore year at the University - the year I took the EMT course. The class was tedious and a sometimes confidence breaking year-long commitment and I took it during my worst semester. I had started working three on-campus jobs and got infected with Strep Throat and Mono and I ended up switching my major to Chemistry. Throughout the fall semester, I asked myself, "Is this really worth it? Do I really want to be a doctor?". I was scared, I thought that if I couldn't handle this, there's no way in hell I could handle medical school and my passion and zeal to become a doctor began to waver and I knew they began to waver because they never had a strong enough foundation to begin with.

I did poorly that semester, I went home for Christmas break wondering "How am I going to manage next year? Will my GPA ever recover?" and I thought about giving up my dreams on becoming a doctor. It was time to seriously think about why I wanted to become a doctor. I continued to shadow Dr. Doctor in the hope that some part of her daily routine would inspire me. Eventually, something did.

A 24-year-old pregnant female [8 months along] was sent to the clinic by a private practice physician for high blood pressure. She revealed she had been in and out of hospitals and multiple doctor's offices for her high blood pressure for the better part of the previous 6 months of her pregnancy, having gone to numerous specialists with no success. Eventually, the doctors had given up on her. She was assigned to Dr. Doctor and I was able to bear witness to one of the most impressive feats of diagnosis I had ever seen. With a fresh set of eyes, Dr. Doctor was able to identify that the woman presented with early signs of kidney failure and was determined to help her. She took the patient's history and went to the nurses' lounge and got a white-board and wrote down everything she knew about the patient [I thought this was something that only happened on House]. Recognizing that the high blood pressure had been the most persistent symptom, Dr. Doctor focused her attention on that. She began thinking back to what she had learned, writing down any and every disease and disorder she could think of that could cause high blood pressure during pregnancy. Afterwards, she eliminated some using the patient's history and began to underline the ones she thought the patient was at risk for. Eventually she had narrowed the list down to 5 possible causes. She ran the tests for each one and the patient tested positive for Lupus. It was an impossible diagnosis, lupus during pregnancy had an incidence rate of 0.00005% in Third World Country, yet Dr. Doctor was able to identify it as one of the five most likely causes of the patient's high blood pressure. The woman began to cry, not because she was sad about her diagnosis, but because she was relieved to finally know why she was sick. It was in that moment I realized why I wanted to be a doctor and why I knew I would love it. I wanted to be a doctor because I love helping people and I knew I would love it because it's the same reason I loved Organic Chemistry. It was a puzzle. In Organic Chemistry, I loved being able to determine a compound's structure using Mass Spectroscopy, IR and NMR. Synthetic schemes made me happier than a child in a candy store. It's also why I loved being a tutor and a teaching assistant: both were forms of problem-solving; a good teacher finds the most effective way to convey information to students.

Medicine and puzzles are arguably in the same vein. Diagnosis itself is a puzzle, where doctors can solve it one piece at a time - for the most part. Signs and symptoms are the clues allowing you to eliminate possibilities until only a few remain. Then all that is left is to test and solve the puzzle. Dr. Doctor revealed to me that this kind of approach to diagnosis happens frequently and was a common part of her job. So, I was 're-imbued' with a zeal to continue my path to becoming a doctor, and I started the next year with a passion I had not felt in a while. I ended up on the Dean's List that semester while doing the EMT course. Any stress I may have felt during my classes, I knew I could overcome, because I had a good reason for doing it, one I wholeheartedly believed in. That year, I eventually began working as an EMT which served to reaffirm my passion for patient care and diagnosis. Since then, I have never questioned myself, because I know this is what I'm meant to do.

Graduate / My life was chosen for me from the womb. Personal Statement for Chemistry Graduate School [2]

Hi everyone, I have copied the first draft of my personal statement for chemistry graduate school below. I have omitted names for privacy but please be as honest as you can be when reviewing this essay. I plan on reviewing it in a few days with fresh eyes but suggestions and recommendations from third parties is greatly appreciated. In the past, I have been told I ramble without hitting my point and I want to avoid that, so please be on the lookout for that. I would also like to add that English is not my first language so please let me know if any phrase or sentence is written poorly. Corrections would be greatly appreciated!

designed to become a doctor

As the son of two medical doctors, my life was chosen for me from the womb: I was going to be a doctor. My life in Country gave me nothing to question my choice (or destiny, as my mother calls it); my mother was respected, she helped people, and I wanted that. I was a good student, I liked and did well in the sciences and I was about to come to the competitive environment of the University of College and I figured, it will be four years and then to medical school: easy. But as time passed, I began to reconsider my decision to go to medical school. Throughout my experiences shadowing and volunteering, I held on to the idea that eventually I would fall in love with medicine. It was my fault - I romanticized the career, but I never truly felt connected to it. In spite of that, I pushed through: I took the MCAT, and I applied to medical schools. Halfway through the fall semester I had received my first rejection. I thought I would break down, but instead I was relieved, I never once felt disheartened by it because medicine is not where my true passion lies - Chemistry is my true passion.

I eventually realized why I was holding on tight to medicine: medical cases are like puzzles and signs and symptoms are the clues allowing you to eliminate possibilities until only a few remain. It was the same reason I loved Organic, Inorganic and Physical Chemistry. It was like learning a new language; each course had its own rules, syntax, and grammar. The classes were challenging, but my professors made it extremely enjoyable. I loved determining a compound's structure using Mass Spectroscopy, IR and NMR. Determining a structure's point group, designing synthetic schemes and figuring out a reaction mechanism thrilled me, all following the same concept: few clues for a big reveal.

I found my calling as a tutor and a teaching assistant: both were forms of problem-solving; a good teacher finds the most effective way to convey information to students. As a teaching assistant and peer tutor, I don't view teaching as a paycheck, but rather an opportunity. An opportunity to help others reach their fullest potential and to learn from them in the process. I had difficulty when I was younger grasping concepts in the classroom due to the quality of teachers, and no student deserves to be overlooked to make the job easier. Teaching is incredibly hard work, but it is the most rewarding job out there and every day is different.

As a member of Dr. Professor's group, I have experience researching Physical Chemistry, and most of my projects involved using computational methods to study reactions and it has been an immensely rewarding experience working on them. I think the most important skills I have learned from research under Dr. Professor are critical thinking, independence, problem solving. The computational and mathematical skills required of me in the Professor Lab have imbued me with the ability of thinking critically which in turn allows me to ask and answer scientific questions effectively. When something went wrong, I learned to troubleshoot the issue, or continue trying until it worked. I learned to analyze data on my own and form conclusions founded on fact rather than speculation.

I believe that working for Dr. Professor not only allowed me to develop the skills necessary for graduate school, but also gave me the opportunity to use said skills. During my time with Dr. Professor, I have been fortunate to author two publications and present my research at multiple conferences, both oral and poster presentations. Furthermore, being an undergraduate researcher for him provided me a safety net allowing me to make mistakes from time to time granting me the ability me to learn from my mistakes and gain real life experience in applying my skills, allowing me to fine tune the abilities I know will make me an outstanding scientist.

While my extracurricular activities have largely been outside my proposed field of study, they demonstrate my work ethic, intellectual curiosity, communication skills, and capacity for both independent and team work. My time with the University of College Emergency Medical Services and the State Volunteer Rescue Squad highlight my ability to adapt to new situations and effectively manage demanding learning curves to make useful contributions, especially in high pressure situations. My leadership experience has also been extensive. I have been a part of the Office of Residence Life and Undergraduate Student Housing in the capacity of a Resident Assistant since my sophomore year. As a Head Resident Assistant for the 2018-2019 academic year, I supervise a team of 10 RAs and I am responsible for a residence hall that houses over 150 students. Fulfilling my duties as an RA and Head RA requires superior organization, prompt and professional communications with employer representatives, and a strong understanding of the policies and procedures of the various on- and off-campus organizations whose services are needed for various events. As such, I have expanded the role of Resident Assistant beyond what it has been in previous years.

I crave an immersive and focused academic experience that builds on my rewarding undergraduate career. [School]'s PhD program will allow me to pursue my research interests to a much greater depth while also expanding my future career opportunities. Furthermore, I hope to continue improving the teaching ability I have already developed in my past extensive tutoring and current chemistry preceptorship. I believe that [School] will aid me in my pursuit of a love affair with chemistry and teaching eventually training me to take up an academic position involving both research and teaching. Finally, joining a community of other like-minded individuals will be a valuable chance for collaboration and personal growth.

I believe that [School] is the best choice for me to achieve my educational and personal goals. I possess the analytical abilities, communication skills, tenacious work ethic, and attention to detail that are essential for success in this field. Many who know me well and whose judgment I trust strongly support my decision to proceed. As such, I respectfully request your consideration as you select next year's entering class.