Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2 - essay about Country's goal, Economic progress or others? [2]

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

countries prosperity factors

Over the decades, the issue about what country's essential goal has been a matter of debate. Some countries put economic progress as the most crucial which is significantly linked to the nation's development. Nevertheless, some argue that educational side has the same level of importance due to the contribution of human resource.

On the one hand, it is believed that economic development is the vital part of country's prosperous level. It is because economic sector contributes directly to the establishment of infrastructures which plays a major role in public services. Another reason is, a better countries' economy can encourage the states themselves to be more independent as they already have a stabile finance. A salient example for this is Swiss which has a good economy development. As a result, it achieves the most prosperous nation with more than 300 countries depend on Swiss rule in economic sector.

On the other hand, many people view that instead of keep economic progress as the most important matter, educational sector plays the equal role which responsible for the quality of the human resource. The countries' workers will be more qualified as they have a higher level of education. Moreover, due to the development of education, the type of skill and knowledge is more varied which can create various skilled employee, and I tend to agree with this view.

To sum up, despite the discussion of the most important country's goal, I tend to believe that education has the equal value with economy.

I wish to get feedback and band score as well.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 2 - Problems caused by media's projected image of beauty [5]

Over the last few decades, the media has projected the image of women as young and thin.
What problems has this caused?
What solutions can you suggest to this?

a pattern of beauty and its impact on women

Nowadays, the beauty of woman is measured by how young and slim their body are. This is led by a massive advertisement using woman as an object. Overall, it will lead woman to follow the trend and create health issues. Thus, there should be some aids from all around to solve these issues.

It is noticeable that due to the artificial perspective of beauty, more and more woman want to be skinnier and less-aged. They put effort to follow the beauty standa by plastic surgery, cosmetic medicine and many more. This demand has become an obsession, and this is not as simple as we think because obsession come with a consequence that if it is not fulfilled. Cintia, an actress from my country always be forced to be beautiful by netizen, trapped to follow trend and has gotten her nose job for over five times in order to get a younger shaped face. Yet, instead of become more beautiful, she is now depressed as she fell ashamed to her fail surgery. And this phenomenon happen to other woman all over the world. Hence, an education about self-confident and loving ourselves the way we are, must be done in this crucial level. This will minimalize the dissatisfaction of the way they look as they are getting older.

It is also evident that more women face health issues due to the overused cosmetic as they want to be beautiful. Even woman in young ages, practice unhealthy diet in order to be thinner. My friend is suffered from anorexia as she consumes dietary medicine. I believe the parents must carefully watch and keep their children from this phenomenon.

To sum up, I really urge a careful education and support from family to tackle these effects of the media's designed-beauty standard.